Jessica Powers
Bio
I was lost and now I am found, but working on getting lost again. This time though, being lost will be my idea and my way of learning and doing more.
Stories (5)
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Little Bit Awkward
I have thought about my life so far and I realized I have always felt lonely, awkward, competitive and a little clueless of my surroundings. I have a lot of qualities as a multifaceted person and many I truly love, but with all the stories I envisioned telling here I realized some of the worst qualities come through a lot stronger. I do appreciate being awkward except in the way that it leaves me misunderstood and pretty lonely. My cluelessness is what I would call a tangent of my awkwardness because it is not about being self involved or uncaring and instead it is about being so anxious about how I am coming across that I inevitably come across quite poorly. My story shows all my worst traits melding together in one mess of a night.
By Jessica Powers 4 years ago in Humans
Out to Sea
I was 15, maybe 16 and the oldest son of a family friend had taken me under his wing. He had given me a surfboard he didn't use anymore, took me surfing, took me to my first 21 and over punk show( which I felt so cool because I had to sneak into being that I was 14), he basically took me on many adventures because we had similar interests. I, of course, also had a huge crush on him and never wanted him to think what I was doing was wrong or stupid. He was always protective of me and if a boy or guy was looking at me he would stare them down or be like how dare he look at her like that; he was basically my overprotective older brother that I happened to have a crush on and he was none the wiser. In this story I didn't want to invite his disapproval and so I ended up making a complete fool of myself while at the same time ending any chance at romance with the hottest boy I had ever met.
By Jessica Powers 4 years ago in Humans
Hidden in the Trees
I was leaving home because the options didn’t seem to include staying in a toxic relationship with my mother. Things had been so bad for a while after they were so good. “The calm before the storm” I guess, and if you ask me to pinpoint the change, it would be so quiet to my senses that even a point seems large in comparison. Arguments started, hitting, and yelling and blaming. I couldn’t allow myself to be treated this way even if to some my reactions would seem disrespectful. She said, while we were sliding down a dirt road after the coats of snow and ice took over “why don’t you let me blame you and apologize later?”. Apologies shouldn’t be used in the manner Plan B can be used for those who know what they did was risky but are trying to make sure they do not have to be responsible for the consequences. What kind of heart is in an apology you planned to make later so you can choose the lower road in the moment?
By Jessica Powers 4 years ago in Families
Kuckucksuhr
There is blackness, not quite scary. Dripping dripping dripping of what you realize is water, but from where you ask. Crouched in the corner of a room without a corner in the black dripping wet, huddled knees to chest. Head on knees. You wonder with all this bleak imagery why you feel whole and then you see it… the hole where the warmest glow is coming from in its blurry and hopeful mass. You see an owl and remember you are in a barn, but why? Floating memories sink passed, and you pick out nothing exciting, but everything fulfilling. You see yourself in a car surrounded by cornfields on a dirt road, well at least a rural road clutching happiness in your arms. That happiness, you wonder if it even exists, or is it part of your imagination, but why would you imagine Cabbage Patch Kids cereal? Since when did brushing your teeth become a happy activity and why out of all the things to remember is it the mundane activity of brushing your teeth with the neighbor across the street?
By Jessica Powers 5 years ago in Fiction
Punk<Maybe
I start with this song in particular, but the whole entire album in actuality. I was always angst ridden being the black sheep through being the brown baby in the midst of a very white and tall family. This was not helped through a life of not fitting in and being the poor brown girl in the white rich private schools I attended. I had a life altering event in the 5th grade that really solidified that angst. Then my mom moved us from a small city I hated to a micro town after freshman year which I was predisposed to hate because NYC was the goal. I was immediately looked at as being the mysterious being I was and still am by these new creatures of this small town as being the newest friend possibility to the weird. Little did they know I decided to spite my mom by refusing to make friends and I catapulted anybody who tried. I still wanted to be seen and noticed, though, so I played the part super well. I walked around with my Walkman on blast so people could hear how awesome I was and looked like I had no cares in the World. This song and album had a mix of rock, pop and classical that seemed to project the whole of my soul. The lyric in this song “prepare to live in danger if we want to stay out late” was angry and feminist and the name “By Myself” encompassed what I always was and always would feel. Little did I know this was a self-fulfilling concept and I did not have friends for a long time and when I finally did, they were never trusting or close to me the way friends normally would. I was told that everybody was interested in me and wanted to be my friend, but my no care attitude and constant rebukes of friendship offerings kept them away and their interest faded.
By Jessica Powers 5 years ago in Beat
