Letting Go

No one wants to give up — whether it is a relationship or a job. Giving up sometimes feels like you have failed. But giving up can mean there is no more growth in this as well as it could be knowing the final outcome.

Predicting how something is going to play out is not an ability everyone possesses, but we all have instincts. There are situations when your intuition kicks in — in time, you will learn it is best to listen. There are plenty of stories that can be given on how ignoring such caused heartache and problems that could have been prevented. While it may seem like you are following your heart, know following your heart is not the problem — it can be an issue when dealing with others.

Time after time, we put ourselves through things we know are going to end badly. Eventually, we get the lesson; for some, it is after the first time — for others like myself, it takes a couple of times. This can be due to trying to fill a void, the person is not on the same page, or at some point, we gave up. Like I said, in the beginning, giving up is not a problem, but depending on what you are giving up on, it can cause turmoil.

For instance, growing up without a father has its pros and cons. Depending on how the role the mother or legal guardian plays depends on how the absence affects the child. Growing up in a single-parent household, knowing my father was one thing, but I did not know him too well. I knew his pattern like he would not stick around long and that he might send money here and there, but that is all I really knew. My upbringing was not the greatest, but it was not the worst. Living with my mother and grandmom felt like hell on Earth at times. The thought of going back home was always dreaded. Of course, it was rare occasions when I actually wanted to go home. As much as I was home, many may have thought that I enjoyed being there. The truth is a little girl was waiting and wanting someone to come to rescue her. Now that my father has passed — those old grudges towards my mom still linger and are slowly dissipating. Though my dad was not around when I called him crying, he came running — at least that is what it felt like. He tried to be a part of my life the best way he knew how, but I did not make it easy, and when I finally decided to ease up, he passed. It was a heartbreaking moment with so many unanswered questions, but everything happens in life for a reason. As strange as it might seem. The parent who was in and out helped the relationship with the one that was mostly present. Had he not left, the anger and rage would still be fueling my soul. Up until then, death was not an experience of mine. His death showed how quickly someone you care about can be gone. As time went on, the numbness that I felt I could no longer feel. The rage that kept me from feeling the depth of my pain came to an end.

How does this translate into knowing when to give up or let go? A couple of days prior, this thought crossed my mind that I should ease up a little bit, but being stubborn and thinking about all those times I did — I would not allow myself to do such a thing. When I finally did, it was too late.

It is the same as my relationships. There has been plenty of relationships that are held onto because of the way the guy made me feel. Hoping that he would show me what I needed to see so my spread eagle and soul-tying would not be in vain. In the end, I am left with a bowl of ice cream, romantic movies that involve cursing the guy, and music talking about how guys ain’t…we’ll u get the gist.