Kintsukuroi

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It is a rare opportunity, some would say a random circumstance, for a creative in any discipline to be awarded a public art commission, particularly one that pays a handsome living wage. This opportunity has come at a time when many aspects of people’s lives, particularly concerning the economy, have been negatively impacted by a global pandemic. Who, e v e r, could have predicted such an event, or how it would change life on a global scale? Changes that will be in many ways irreversible. Only time will tell which facets of society return to ‘normal’. It’s difficult not to feel guilty for having been given such an opportunity at a time like this.

One year ago, one day in particular stands out. It was a week before the ‘world shut down’ and we entered the full ‘grey zone’ lockdown, followed by scheduled daily press conferences from our federal, and provincial leaders. It was one of those rare synchronicities; having her work recognized in a juried art exhibit which opened in the afternoon and having the privilege to attend a live concert in the evening. The concert was like nothing she had attended before, she was so grateful to be there. There have been no opportunities to attend live concerts since that night. She was so grateful to be there.

With any project, there is an element of self discovery. What can’t be anticipated is how a project of a larger breadth can pave the way for a path to self discovery that is equal in scope. Is any creative ever prepared for that? Most of an artists’ efforts are focussed on the technical requirements of their work. Naturally, these efforts would increase as the scope or size of the project increases. How the work impacts a broader audience or the artist herself remains to be seen. Still, it is an equally important part of the creative process. What is transformative on the creative’s level, can also be unpredictable until the work is viewed and interpreted by the audience. This is where the real gift lies for the creative; knowing and coming to understand how their work is interpreted by the audience. This is the purest gift that the creative receives, to understand what their work has impressed upon others. For the creative this response is always appreciated; the creative is prepared to be apologetic if it is misinterpreted, or dismissive if it leaves no impression at all. If the creative does their job well the work will provide a transformative experience for the audience.

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In conjunction with the attention required by such a project there is another kind of journey taking place; exploring another state of mind, another hemisphere of the psyche. This internal journey takes place within a vessel, a container made of earth’s clay. An adventure through a micro world, a full immersion into the ancient Japanese art of Kintsukuroi, or golden repair. All cracks, imperfections, and subsequent repairs are evident here.

In life, it’s easy to slip up and trip, she’s not aware that she’s entered this vessel when she starts out. If the walls had eyes, you know there would be things they wish they hadn’t seen, alongside things she wishes she could forget. Regardless, this is no place for judgement, only forgiveness.

Perhaps her existence in this world is a necessary element of her self discovery; where she retreats to an inner realm, affording her the control over her life she was accustomed to. A space that allows for growth on a different level, unseen by the outside world; public art, private space. No place for judgement, only forgiveness.

Navigating through a series of caverns she picks up clues within the crevices. Sometimes the clues speak directly to her intellect, sometimes to her heart. She’s uncertain if some clues are meant to instil fear, or worse if her heart is being played with… tenderness or trickery, complexities abound. Patterns develop, its always difficult to know how to respond… fight or flight forges its own path, repeatedly. An unfamiliar language, an unfamiliar approach.

Lacquered corridors. Who she meets along the way. Some pathways are narrower than others, some darker. There is no map. Navigational devices, she has an internal compass; it’s easy to forget that the compass is there. The compass bears its own weight. Mind over matter. Dark corridors, bright fissures. A struggle of wills, within oneself. Even when it gets dark, the light always comes back. Modes of communication she’s not accustomed to.

Many lessons are available here, from how to be more communicative to how to trust, and to feel joy, and cheer. She knows her lack of efficiency and speed are a source of frustration for the keepers of this vessel… she was not aware she had entered this place, and like the creative’s role she is prepared to be apologetic. Transitions challenged, paralanguage reigns.

The intensity from some of the fissures, reflects the amount of care that was taken to mend someone that was broken. This attention to detail isn’t apparent from a distance. Their sincerity is felt. She has come to see that as time goes on there is less to fear. She tries her best to understand the value of the journey.

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She makes notes of ideas that come to her, sometimes in the middle of the night. These ideas or phrases are often fleeting and will be forgotten if she doesn’t write them down in her black book. She wakes up to find her last entry from the previous night, and her thoughts go to the man she hasn’t yet met. Clarity not code.