IT WAS STARTED THERE

It was started there.

One beautiful morning, it was festive season and mom making desserts in the kitchen and said that she's gonna take me shopping

I was really excited because in my family it happens once in a blue moon. I was 9 years old. My mom beautifully bride me and I still remember I was wearing a cute little yellow frock that was my favorite dress.

Me and my mom took a bus to the shopping mall. It was really crowded. And my excitement didn't shredded because of that. My mom was holding my hand tightly so that I won't get lost in the crowd.

Everyone was knocking me with their hips, legs, hands because I was that much height. Suddenly I felt a hand "sliding through my back". I turned around couldn't see him in the crowd and at far I saw him smiling at me weirdly and walking away. I don't understand why he touched me like that and then why he smiled.

He was some elderly man in Mall's uniform. I saw him smiling that day. Until now I couldn't unsee him. Whenever I go to that place. Whenever I see those uniforms all I think about is why he touched me there. I had no idea what just happened to me. I don't even know whether I have to tell my mom or not.

All I was thinking is why?

In that moment, in that day, everything has changed. And I can't Undo it.



As the days and months passed, my thoughts began to fade, but the experiences remained unresolved. I entered my teenage years, which I can only describe as the most challenging period of my life. I endured physical and emotional abuse, and I lacked parental support.

One day, after returning from college, I was assaulted by a stranger. I didn’t shout or yell; I simply didn’t have the courage to confront him in public. The first thing I did was run to my mother and share everything with her. She comforted me in that moment but cautioned, “Don’t tell your father; he’ll blame you and won’t allow you to take the bus anymore.”

After that incident, I didn’t confide in my parents again. I found the strength within myself to move forward in society, but those experiences left me feeling weak and traumatized for life. I will never forget what happened; it has become a scar that may never heal. Yet, I learned valuable lessons from my pain.

I grew resolute in my determination to navigate this world, and although I discovered ways to protect myself, one thing fundamentally changed: I developed trust issues. I found it difficult to trust any man, even those who showed kindness. Deep down, I recognized their goodness, but the trauma I experienced made it impossible to fully open up to anyone again.

Even though these events occurred years ago, I still experience unusual things that I can’t fully understand. Every time I sleep, my trauma reemerges in my dreams. I don’t know why this happens, and I’ve tried not to dwell on it, searching for various ways to forget. It feels as though those past experiences won’t allow me to have peaceful dreams. People often say that dreams help you escape reality and offer freedom, but in my dreams, my past traumas continue to haunt me.

Now, I’ve learned to live with this burden, training myself to pretend that everything is normal. To the outside world, no one has any idea what I’ve been through.

IT WAS STARTED THERE