I Stayed Single for a Decade—Here’s What I Learned About Love and Loneliness

I see myself as ugly. I always have. Growing up, I constantly thought, “No one will love me for who I am.” And honestly, for a long time, I believed it. I watched my friends date, fall in love, and move on to the next stage of life while I sat on the sidelines, convinced I’d never be more than a spectator in the game of love.

Being single for a few months? That's normal, right? But a year turned into two, then five, and before I knew it, I’d hit a full decade without a relationship. It wasn’t exactly what I had planned. But somewhere in that time, I learned a lot about myself, about love, and, surprisingly, about the beauty of loneliness.

The Start of My “Single Era”
When I first became single, I thought it would be temporary. “Just a phase,” I told myself. I’d work on myself, maybe hit the gym, try a new hobby or two, and then, surely, the right person would come along. But... that didn’t happen. Instead, I found myself pouring time into my career, diving into new interests, and making excuses whenever someone tried to set me up.

Why? If I’m being honest, I was scared. I felt like I wasn't good enough like I wasn’t worth the time or attention of anyone who might be interested. I’d see my reflection in the mirror and think, “Who would want this?” It was easier to stay in my safe bubble than to risk getting hurt.

The Freedom (and Fear) of Being Alone
For a while, being single felt kind of freeing. I could do whatever I wanted without checking in with anyone. I could spend all night binge-watching my favourite shows, eat cereal for dinner if I felt like it, or spontaneously book a weekend trip without needing to coordinate schedules.

But then, the silence started to get to me. I’d come home to an empty apartment, and the quiet would hang heavy. Friends got busy with their new families, and my social circle shrank. Nights out with my best friends became rarer, and suddenly, I was the last single person in the group. It was like the world had paired off, and I’d missed the memo.

Loneliness crept in slowly, like a shadow that lurked behind my otherwise busy life. There were nights when I’d scroll through Instagram, feeling like everyone else had found their “person” while I was still waiting for mine. I’d see couples sharing anniversary posts, and I’d think, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I have that?”

The Hard-Learned Lessons
But, over time, I realized that being single wasn’t just about missing out. It came with lessons—big ones that I didn’t even know I needed. Here’s what I learned from a decade of solo living:

1. You Don’t Need Someone Else’s Love to Feel Worthy
- This was the toughest one to learn. I used to think that if someone fell in love with me, it would prove that I was worth loving. But after years of being on my own, I finally started to understand that my value didn’t depend on a relationship status. I stopped looking for validation in other people’s eyes and started seeing it in myself—corny, I know, but it’s true.

2. Loneliness Can Be a Teacher
- I always thought loneliness was a bad thing, something to be avoided. But in those quiet moments, I started to appreciate little things—a long walk in the park, the feel of a good book in my hands, a deep conversation with a friend. I realized that love doesn’t always have to come from a romantic partner. It’s in the small connections we make every day, even with ourselves.

3. Being Alone Doesn’t Mean Being Lonely
- This might sound like a cliché, but it’s one of the biggest things I learned. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone when I’d cook myself a nice dinner, play my favorite music, and genuinely enjoy my own company. Lonely was lying in bed, wondering if anyone out there could see me for who I am. And the more I got comfortable with being alone, the less loneliness showed up.

Finding Love... In Unexpected Places
Sure, I didn’t find love in the way I thought I would. I didn’t meet a soulmate at a party or bump into “the one” at a coffee shop. But I found it in other ways—like in the deepening bond I have with my friends, or in the closeness I rebuilt with my family. Most importantly, I found love in the mirror, in the person I never thought I’d be able to fully accept—myself.

I learned to take myself out for a nice dinner without feeling like a loser. I learned that it’s okay to enjoy a Friday night with just a good movie and some takeout. And I learned that, even though my story didn’t look like everyone else’s, it was still worth living.

So, Where Am I Now?
Today, I’m more open to love than I’ve ever been, but I’m not desperate for it. If it comes, great. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. I’ve spent enough time learning to be happy with myself, and I’m not looking for someone to complete me—I’m looking for someone to share a life with, without the pressure of being my everything.

So, if you’re like me, sitting there wondering if you’re ever going to find love, here’s what I want you to know: You’re not broken. You’re not behind. Sometimes, being single is exactly what you need to become the person you’re meant to be. And maybe, just maybe, the love you’ve been waiting for is already within you, just waiting for you to recognize it.