I Know It's For The Best, But Still.

We were always going to be two stars in two completely different galaxies trying to both find the Milky Way but always on different routes, never quite able to find each other along the path; no matter how hard we would try.

A connection never meant to connect fully.

We had the universe against us. The stars would never align for us. That was the fault in our stars, the only story that ever would be written about us. A constellation to inevitably accept rather than fight to change.

I know that you were right.

But it doesn’t mean that I wanted you to be right. It doesn’t mean I was ready to see what the other side looked like, to say goodbye, to feel like I lost you. To feel like you’re a stranger, to feel like I don’t know you at all.

After feeling like I thought I was starting to grasp a good idea of who you were, all to feel a sense of emotional whiplash.

But the truth is, I wasn’t actually seeing the real you, the you not beyond the guarded walls you carefully held firm. To see beyond masks you weren’t ready to be seen beyond.

You were letting me feel like I was while you were lying to yourself. While you were still hiding parts of who you were and what you wanted and needed whether you meant to or not. That is the truth and the reality of the matter.

I think that you have an idea of who you want to be but you’re still very much finding your footing of who you actually are especially after all you’d just experienced and that is fair.

You gave me glimmers of who you wanted to be, in the moments when you were open but it never was consistent, it never was going to last.

The mask was always going to falter, it was always going to fall. All I ever wanted to do was see behind it, see the truth of the parts your proud of and the parts you hide.

If you had let me get to know the real you like I let you know the real me it wouldn’t feel like a complete 180 in the version of who I am now experiencing and who I’ve seen which is someone completely foreign to me.

Someone that I feel like is not someone who I talked to for three weeks to the depths of the things we discussed. Someone who I spent so much time getting to know and trying to learn how to show up for to the best of my ability. Someone who can change so fast and flip a switch on me yet you were so worried about me flipping a switch on you with my feelings when I didn’t even ever say that would happen with my feelings when all I was discussing was turning off any physicality of initiation.

All your fears that in actuality were just projections. All your dysregulated emotions that came at full force and at full power all at once to erupt within you and it all came to a jolting halt that I didn’t see coming.

I wish I had seen you in the ways you needed me and the ways that I needed to in order to see your true character, values, and how we didn’t align in the ways we both needed. That we, whether just now or forever had very different communication styles when it came to boundaries and approaching life in general.

I wish I had been able to see your truths, I wish you had let me.

I think that looking back now a part of you always knew, maybe in a subconscious way that we were very different like when you mentioned that you had "no aesthetic" or were not "detail oriented" and even in the end when you said that you "aren't a conscientious person and never will be." And maybe it was naive of me to ignore those little moments and think that I could make something work when those are things that are important to me that I do need a partner to be able to appreciate even if it isn't something that is as important for them.

I never wanted you to feel like you couldn’t be you around me or that I didn’t want you to be who you are. I didn’t want you to change who you were at your core and I tried to show you that. But I also had to feel free to be who I was and also try to figure out if it was going to be a safe space for me to express when things made me feel uncomfortable or a certain way but that wasn’t me saying I needed you to change or adjust if that wasn’t something you felt you wanted to do. It was just me expressing myself and us learning each other.

The things that were so clearly big misalignments once you showed more of your true nature of when you got uncomfortable, when you felt confused, when you felt conflict, when it was hard and when you had the choice to show your true character and you showed that you were less than what I thought and that was the reality check that I needed to see to let go of the you I thought was you and the figment of fantasy of you acting like everything was on your terms with the possibility of a friendship and all and never even asking about what I felt or what I wanted in the end.

Yet, already actively doing everything on your end to detach and disconnect any social threads we had.

I don't blame you though. We all have our own ways of coping and you did what you needed to try to detach and disentangle and regulate. I do not fault you for that. I always want you to be happy, to be safe. Whatever that meant for me, I truly always wanted that for you.

I know that you did what you needed to try to feel safe again, to try to feel in control, and find a sense of peace in your world.

But, let’s be honest like we were never going to actually be friends with the history between us, with the feelings. Even if you didn’t feel as strongly as you do and as uncomfortable, unless you lied about your feelings when we were on better terms it was never going to work with us going backwards. At least not for me.

I truly don't even know if we had met in another time, in another life and never had started as a spark, if we would have become friends.

I think about it sometimes because the parts of me that you now question or have your reservations or resentment towards are parts of me that if we had started from a friendship foundation that would not have come up until much time had passed because it would not have been discussed, it wouldn't have mattered.

I wonder what light you would have seen me in if that was the path our connection had took, it we had just met randomly at a bar as strangers with no feelings instead of now feeling like strangers after having feelings from the start.

I just hope you know that good people do exist. People who will treat you with softness and hold space for your feelings. All the big ones and small ones. People who are considerate and thoughtful in ways for you. People who pay attention not to pick you apart or use things against you but to show you they care. People who will have patience and understanding for you. People who won’t blame you for your quirks or make you feel like something is wrong. People who will protect your heart as their own. People who will respect you enough to protect your feelings beyond their own feelings in the midst of their own emotions.

People who have the capacity beyond just the intent to do that.

I hope you felt cared for, like you mattered. Like you never had to question what you were to me and where you stood.

And I hope that a part of your heart felt that from me, at least a little, even just for a minute.

It’s kind of ironic that you were so worried about being rejected and me choosing you all along and in the end it would be the complete opposite.

In the end as I started to see throughout our brief journey together you wouldn’t value or hold space for my feelings as much as I held for yours and I was right to recognize earlier on.

And when I said the 80/20 and you internalized that as me talking about actual effort when all I was talking about was emotional effort and capacity. It was never an attack on you, it was an observation as to where we both are at and a potential recognition of an incompatibility with not feeling reciprocated emotional space or emotional regulation capacity for a partner to provide for me if I need it.

I could say it was all in the timing but I don't think that is the truth of it.

I think we both liked the idea of each other and the things we bring to the table, we could recognize and admire the things that make us both unapologetically us but the reality is that those things could never complement each other in the ways that we need to thrive. We are at two completely different points in our journeys, in life and in healing.

The ideas of us would never be the realities we both needed.

To find comfort, to feel seen, to feel heard, to feel valid.

Like I said in the call, we never really had a fair shot. It would be delusional for you to think that we did. I think what was real is that we both felt something and we wanted to see where that was going to go. But, both starting at very different points of trying to build that connection from.

The timeline of what was happening in your life.

The still sense of unrest of your heart and your mind. The lack of safety with your situation. The instability and lack of any sort of normalcy even in your own definition in your life. The clear lack of inner peace and inability to regulate the emotions that came up both good and bad. The stress from all directions closing in on you.

It was never a level field for us to meet, for us to see eye to eye.

For you to even have any vision to truly see me, you were so busy looking left and right with hyper vigilance out of fear and out of trying to find something concrete that you had no way to see the way forward that I wanted to show you. You had no way to see me because you were always out of focus with yourself and so how could you ever possibly focus on me, on us.

I think you could argue that you tried to and I think that is true but on a superficial level, on the surface you were trying and going through the motions but on a deeper level I think you would realize you were unable to fully be present with me to be able to deeply connect and be available. How could you ever see me when you couldn’t even see yourself. I guess it took having me mirror the things you were running from for you to finally see yourself. And maybe that was the purpose that I was always meant to serve for your life, for this connection.

Life needed me to mirror back to you all the things that you were running from within yourself, to see where you want to be, and where you have to go.

I think that maybe the idea of me intrigued you and the potential for growth with someone who would challenge and give you space to grow was alluring but the reality of someone like me was too much to be able to embrace at this moment in your journey and that is okay.

I think that the security I have in most aspects of my life, in who I am, and in what I stand for and the boundaries that I create for those who are in my life felt like expectations and pressure that you never felt like you could live up to at least not where you are at right now.

I think that everything that I am, that I embody was threatening to some aspect of you even if you didn't realize it and maybe still don't I think that you were triggered possibly be insecurity or trauma.

I think if you were really honest and dove deep into your feelings you might see this where some of these things were rooted and arose from.

I think that maybe I was the very opposite of you in ways that highlighted and heightened these parts of you and that was uncomfortable for you and instead of letting it transform you and challenge you, you chose to let it consume and control you, to run. And I get it, I do.

I think you did the best you could with where you are at, and everything that you were currently dealing with. But, I also think the things that I mirrored to you were in ways blindingly painful for you to have to feel and on the surface you thought that was a negative but in actuality it was a good thing if you let it be, to transform and heal parts of you.

I think that the parts of you that still force you to see things through a lens of hurt, fear, and assumed negative impacts are stronger than the part of you that allows you to see the good when things trigger discomfort in you.

I think that you welcomed a lot of growth. I can recognize that but I believe that you are at a very different place than me in your healing journey and are still not ready to face and unpack certain truths and realities that you will need to in order to evolve and that is okay.

I’m still searching for my purpose from whatever we had. Other than the whiplash I feel and the feeling of thinking I actually had found someone solid. For me to finally let myself believe, let myself be in something, and to be left strangers again.

But that is the risk at love, at letting someone in, at truly and deeply letting myself caring for someone...and I would do it all over again. I do not regret it and I am grateful for it.

It makes me sad to know that for you a shadow looms over some of our memories but I am grateful for the moments that we shared and for us crossing paths.

Obviously, I know two lessons but I mean like the bigger purpose behind our lives intertwining for a mere second.

I know that it never would’ve mattered. It never would. The words, the ways, the thoughtfulness, the kindness, the attentiveness, the consideration.

It never would have changed anything because you were in no place to actually know how to receive the kind of love that I had to offer to fully appreciate and see it for the extent of the value I bring.

And that wasn't for me to teach you, or force you to accept. I've made peace with that but it doesn't mean that I still didn't want to give it to you. It doesn't mean that I still didn't want you to experience it, to learn that you deserve it. But, I was never going to win a battle with someone who doesn't themselves believe it too.

And maybe that kind of love doesn't align with you and that hurts my heart a little but that is the hard part about love in this world. Not everyone's definition of love will look the same and those things change overtime.

But, I hope you know that love should come from a soft place. And mine came from a stable, steady, and consistent place and while I can't understand why that might have been triggering to you, I can respect that. I only ever wanted clarity, depth, and vulnerability to try to understand you better as much as you would let me.

That was the moral of our story. We were always fated to this I feel.

Your fears, your insecurities, your preconceived notions of who you thought I was and what I expected of you would always triumph.

Honestly, the biggest indicator of that was how strong of a dislike your close friend had of me when she didn’t even know me or give me a chance. It was always an uphill battle, a losing battle for me. I liked to think that I might have been able to win as if there was in actuality any win for me which was always the question I should have done better listening to.

An inner and external battle of knowing that you would never believe that you would be enough for me because you didn’t believe you were enough for you.

And that was a war I never was going to win. A battle of all the projections of your past pain still shining through and being put onto any little thing I did unable to see who I was because the fear was so strong of what I could be.

I believe that your perception of me was always skewed somewhat by the fear of me being anything like your very recent past instead of being able to fully start with a blank slate.

A very clearly broken person that needs to learn how to love themselves again, how to value themselves, and how to be secure in who you are. A person who I did my best to see for who you were to the extent you let me.

A person who I wish you could have seen you through my eyes and seen that I didn’t pity you but that I saw everything you weren’t ready to see yet.

I think in ways I did see you more than you wanted me to see you and that was maybe terrifying to you like when I wanted emotional transparency and that was something that felt too exposed or vulnerable to you.

All the things you were ready to face the reality of, all the things you hide so well from everyone else, all the things that I know you never wanted me to see. And maybe that was the actual thing that was so triggering for you, that maybe I saw you too well in ways.

I saw through you in ways that you weren't comfortable with.

It hurt me to see these parts of you but all I knew was to try to be there for you in the ways I knew best. To try to be that anchor. That kind place, that soft place, that space that you would hopefully see and learn someone can give. That safe place.

I never pretended to know best for what you needed, but until you communicated differently to me I could only do what I had learned to do in the ways I had learned.

I could only ever do what I knew since when I asked you didn't know what you needed.

The truth was that it didn’t matter how much I tried to be that for you because I couldn’t control how you would feel or how you would perceive me.

And I knew that, and that is why I don't blame myself at all for how things ended up. I did the best I could and gave you all I could in all the ways I could.

All I could do was be the safest and healthiest to the best of my capacity and knowledge and that wasn’t enough for you and that is okay. As hard as it may be to accept or even feel at moments like I failed you, I know that I did the best that I could to show you a safe love and a healthy love that wasn’t perfect but it was the best I could do with where I was at at the time.

I know that I wasn’t perfect. I never said I would always be. Or that I would even always have it all together. All I ever said is that I would try my best to be honest with you and to learn how to love you. To learn how to see you. To learn how to support you. To be there for you.

And somehow in all of that the few mistakes that I made got exploited in ways and I wasn’t given the grace that I would have hoped from for you. And now I feel like you question who I am and that hurts my heart.

But, I also know that I can’t change how you perceive me and if you want to throw away everything else you’ve known about me just because of that that is something I have to respect. And if that is how you want to perceive me based on assumptions instead of clarifications as to the extent of my character because of that happening isn't someone that I would want in my circle anyway.

I know my truth, that is all that is in my control.

I always saw your worth and your light even when I feel like there were moments you struggled to. I always did my best to hold compassion for you and never make you feel like I judged you or thought any differently of you because of some of the circumstances or the time in your life that I met you. I valued you and I still do, just as I still respect who you are.

I probably even believed in you more than you believe in yourself in ways.

I hope your feelings for me actually meant something to you. That is wasn’t all just something you could shut off as quickly as it seems you tried to erase me from your life and close off access to you, walling up your feelings faster than I could blink. Because here I am still processing my feelings for you, thinking about you, thinking about the time we shared and what all transpired. Still allowing myself to hurt and feel. I hope you’re letting yourself feel too. Not just the bad but also all the rest of the emotions that deserve to have space too.

The feelings that led you to make me believe that you saw us as something. That made you initiate a lot of firsts for us. Because in retrospect, it was never really me that rushed dating steps along the board. And this isn’t me passing any blame or fault. It is just me reflecting.

You initiated the first time. You sent pics first. You introduced me to your friends first. You called me your girl first. You started a playlist for me first and told me. You said baby first. You got me a toothbrush. You started the long calls and the more frequent FaceTimes. You started following my friends after meeting them one time. You wanted us to take a Polaroid together. You randomly were initiating us to take pictures together. Those were things I didn’t do.

It is me taking responsibility for my part in our story and giving you your responsibility in it too.

I just want to make sure we both are taking accountability in things because while I offered depth and maybe serious conversations I don’t think that necessarily sped things along in the way at least not for me that the steps and actions you initiated in our connection did.

Because the harsh truth is that people who truly care and respect you will hold you accountable, not let you escape and excuse yourself from the part you played in things.

You say that you felt like I was testing boundaries but while that may have been unintentionally true at times isn't that part of getting to know someone and learning their boundaries and limits?

From an accountability standpoint, the indirect boundaries that were attempted to be communicated and the gradual "testing" from your side I think maybe made it unintentionally easy to cross lines even if I never meant to, even if my intent was caring. So were we not maybe both testing boundaries in different ways and ultimately our different communication of boundaries created tension and conflict in making misunderstood intentions even if intent was caring to begin with.

If we are being honest with ourselves...

If anything it felt like I was trying to make sure the whole time that you were going to still prioritize your life, individuality, and not lose yourself in your feelings for me and sacrifice what you needed to do.

I felt as if I went above and beyond to try to help show you that I didn’t want you to give up your life and put the things you needed to do over me but that I still cared and deserved to be up there too.

Maybe that was me trying to help you regulate your life and having my own self worth too?

I won't apologize for that because I know the place it came from was to try to support you and help you and that I deserve to also be prioritized. If you were in no place to potentially be able to prioritize a connection with everything else in your life you should have been honest with yourself in not having the space to date.

I went out of my way to try to show you in ways that I was hearing and trying to show you that I understood your situation in ways and yet you still never believed me or saw the efforts I did to try to show you.

Your head and your heart so stuck still in the place and the pieces that your ex left you in.

While a part of you wanted more, a part of you that thought it was ready...there was no part of you that in reality could give move or even know how to find your footing in making steps forward barely with yourself and definitely not with someone else. I mean that in the kindest but most honest way possible, that is the truth you were running from.

I know that maybe you needed someone like me, you needed to experience someone like me but you had no business trying to “date” anyone or touching anyone else’s feelings romantically.

And I get that some times we don’t always realize where we are at until we do, but I have to be like come on, you knew the time frame was way too short for anyone. You were lying to yourself and in turn indirectly lied to me and gave me false hope where it didn’t belong and tried to plant hope and grow it in a place within me where it would never be able to firmly take root.

A lie is still a lie even if it was unintentional and I don't blame you for not realizing where you were at but I think it is important to call a spade a spade and accept it so we can learn from it. I deserved better and I don’t blame you for this.

I truly have nothing in my heart except kindness towards you because regardless of whether I think something was right or fair it does not change how I act towards you or how I value your feelings or the validity of them because that is what you deserve.

I am where I am at and you’re where you are at and it is what it is.

I have no negative feelings towards you and still believe that you are a good person with a good heart. I don't think that you ever had bad intentions, I think you had good ones but had no capacity to sustain the desired impact.

I think that you wanted to be open, ready, and available when you met me but you and me both quickly realized that beyond our differences that you were in no way in any place emotionally able to nurture a new connection fully.

I just think that you are hurting in ways that you or me had no idea how to begin to heal at the time and we were trying to build on broken ground.

I guess maybe I just hope you take what you needed and don’t focus and fester too long on the two things you’ve fixated on to darker the whole connection we had. I think the universe brought me into your life for a lot of reasons and I hope you can look back with no regret and learn to look back without resentment.

I think the universe knew you weren’t ready to fully experience someone like me, to be loved, to be seen, to be cared for by someone in the wholesome ways that I bring but it still wanted to give you a taste to be able to maybe believe in the good again.

To not settle in the comforts of the toxic people you’ve accepted and cycles that you’ve repeated and been stuck in. To choose better for yourself, to fight for what you deserve, and to know there’s more out there you just have to value yourself enough to not be okay being less.

I also knew that you wouldn’t bring me any closure with how I needed to find it. Not because you didn’t try to show you were open to communicating or talk to me but because it isn’t your responsibility nor would it ever bring me peace for me to try to find closure in anything you could tell me that is the peace that I have to give to myself and find within and I know that.

I was not going to create space for my feelings where there was no capacity for it to be met, to be seen. Because safe space shouldn't have to be made to be seen, it should already be created.

That’s why I didn’t beg you for answers or force you to communicate more or anxiously try to blow up your phone or even try to make you understand what all I was going through or feeling. That is why I didn’t say all the thoughts and feelings that did cross my mind or things I could have brought up because you didn’t deserve that and it wouldn’t have changed anything or made anything better and I could recognize that.

I regulated and filtered to still show that I cared about your feelings whether you realized it or not because that is the person I’ve grown into and when I say I care to me it means that I will always do my best to show that in the easy and the hard moments, in the happy moments and in the heartbreaking ones.

To make my own peace and allow you to find yours without hindering that.

I think in ways maybe I was always going to be too much and not enough in ways for you and in the same way you were to me, that was the truth of our misalignment.

We are not too much or want too much in who we are individually but those definitions were always very different no matter how much our feelings wanted them to be the same.

I think for me I’ve spent a long time figuring out myself, finding my own inner peace, and figuring out what I truly want in someone and having more clarity on that and even still learn every connection I have.

I think that maybe you needed more time to find your clarity especially from just experiencing a connection like you had to find yourself again and figure out what resonates with you and what you truly need and what you even think is possible.

I am proud of you for see what you did see with us and for recognizing that there were big core differences in how we are and ways that you think we may never align. I think the cards played out how they were dealt and that was already a deck stacked against us in ways and as the game played you gained more clarity on not only where you were at personally but also perspective in realizing that you would have to separate your feelings from the reality of compatibility. And even though the timing may have been fast and abrupt for me, I do think that you did your best to not only escape your discomfort and end your anxieties from whatever you were feeling but also to maybe spare some of my feelings and not let us continue to be fair in ways to me.

I want to clarify that thought you ever had ill intent or meant to hurt me or use me or anything like that.

You were brave enough to see and speak up about all of that first and whether than was from a place of it being more about your comfort or you just trying to protect both of our feelings with what we both deep down felt to some level the truth of, I am proud and in a way happy that you did speak up and that you did in a way cut things. Yes, the coldness and detachment and seemingly 180 shift was a lot for me to feel and handle and experience but I get it in everyone handles things the ways they need to and while maybe I wished the approach could have been a little different I don’t fault you for it. I’m glad you didn’t try to string me a lot and that you did have the respect for me enough to call me that day to let us have a conversation about it instead of just keeping it to text.

I guess I also felt like once you made up your mind it didn’t matter what I had to say anymore. You were closed off. You were shut down. You were unreachable and I felt that. I felt the shifts before you even told me. I felt the end, the closed book. The coldness, the detachment. The version of warmth and kindness that I knew from you very far past the reach of anything I would ever see, feel again.

The version of you I had once experienced, the version I once knew I had to begin to grieve that I would never see or feel her again. I didn’t realize how extreme it would feel to see the other side until I saw it come to life. Until I felt how cold it could be, how foreign it would feel.

How much of a stranger it would seem to be to me. And that even though you said you never wanted to be like strangers when I told you it felt like we were I knew regardless of what you said to me how the story would play out. I’ve seen it far too many times. You were out of reach and I had to not try to reach for you but let you slip away. I had to let you go because you wanted to go.

You were never mine to hold, mine to keep.

I always knew that and this was the moment that the truth of that knowledge looked me face to face and challenged me to do what I knew I needed to in real time. To put into practice the embodiment of honoring who you are and caring about you in your entirety by not resisting what was unfolding but letting it ebb and flow without challenging what was inevitably going to happen for the peace of you and for the peace of my own. Not trying to control you or the outcome of the connection when it clearly had run its course. In the end, in those moments I chose to not take it personally and not even try to defend myself or the connection because our connection deserves to end in as much peace as I could give it and my ego didn’t need to enter the chat.

I chose to stay kind, for you, for me, and for what we had. To stay soft because if anything that is what I owe to myself.

I guess I just never thought things would end so quickly or that I’d see this very different side of you but hey just goes to show that is why it takes months to really get a solid read on someone because you don’t really truly know someone regardless of what you may think because a lot of people put on masks and acts at first and those slowly fade away and their real truth comes out in the moments where real vulnerability is on the table and conflict and discomfort arise.

But, I am also not going to lie to myself and act like I am not hurt, like I am not sad or disappointed or feelings all the things that I am feeling in letting this connection go, fade away.

Maybe a part of me just wishes that I didn’t trust that it was safe to believe, safe to fall, safe to give in, safe to hope. Safe to trust that who you were showing me you were from day one was who you always would be consistently in good days and on bad terms. And it’s okay that those versions of you don’t align yet. We are all on our journey of finding our ways back to ourselves and finding our authentic selves and inner peace. And all that has been in my control is showing you that I would continue to show up as the person who you had known me to be and still staying kind and grounded regardless of my own feelings.

A part of me hates that for the first time in a long time, I let myself lean into this, into you. For a mere second, I let myself believe maybe this was going to be something real.

To give the energy back to you that you were giving to me. To honor what you asked me in respecting your space and letting you be. Even though you didn’t exactly seem to like when I was giving the energy back that you gave in communication but as I told you from the start I don’t play games and you don’t get the same energy from me if you’re changing yours with me. It’s wild to have expected anything different.

I made a choice to not show you the other side of what it looks like when you’re dead to me and mean nothing and that was because I cared about you and still respected your feelings. But I hope you know that just because that isn’t the side you saw of me doesn’t mean that I don't have a cold side like yours that could have come out and detached so hard from you and my feelings towards you but that wasn’t what I felt like you needed from me and that would be playing games. I’ve evolved enough not to do that.

The truth is you can always find things in common with people, you can always have some level of chemistry.

I hope that maybe sometimes when you pass my complex now on your way to practice that you think of me not in a romantic way but just in a like that happened because when Thursday’s come around or when I pass your soccer complex it isn’t just another Thursday or soccer practice anymore and I know in time that will fade away and be different but I don’t feel the need to erase your memory from my life or what happened. Yes, I thought it would be different. I thought that you were different but it turned out I wasn’t right and sometimes that happens and that is just life.

I hope you give yourself space and time as I am to move through all the things you feel now and even later when they arise.

As I said before you were okay before me and will be after and so will I.

My life goes on and I never needed you to give me the life I live I just simply wanted you to be a part of it and I feel like that was something you never could quite fully understand and that’s okay.

We aligned until we didn’t and even though maybe now I may not even be sure what we did align on since you weren’t always fully honest with me about how you felt about things when they happened I would like to think that we did get along and in ways we did see each other even if at times I felt like I saw you a lot more that is okay. It was nice to feel like someone saw a tiny piece of me for a moment.

And maybe that is all we were ever going to be in this storyline, mirrors not lovers of a spark that would never start a fire to help us continue to see who we are and who we’re becoming and remind us of new lessons and old ones.

But, just because I know it's for the best doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.