I'm Sorry I Didn't See You.

I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I’m sorry I didn’t see.

To have caused you to feel how you felt and think I prioritized what I wanted over what you needed. To make you think I didn’t care. To make you feel disrespected, uncomfortable with my touch and presence. To cause you tension and make you feel unsafe. To hurt your nervous system in ways I never wanted you to feel. To have hurt you, period.

I never wanted you to feel anything but safe with me.

Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

It weighs on me that I caused the opposite in you by not truly listening to you, not taking it to heart the first time and causing you to feel everything I never wanted.

To hear how much it impacted you, to hear the pain that I caused you by not truly taking the time to fully hear you and take it to heart as my own.

It weighs on me and breaks my heart a little that I did that, that I made you feel like you weren’t safe in that way with me.

That I wouldn’t see you in this one vital way that you needed me to. That I failed you in this way and for that I am sorry.

And I know that my sorry probably doesn't matter much now as it is said and done, as it is over. But, I hope you know that my sorry isn't empty and that I have thought alot about what all transpired. What I did, what I didn't.

As I have reflected, the moments replay in my head, where I tried to move lines that never should have been moved all because I thought the line could or even should be moved due to just thinking about me instead of seeing the line where it was, where it was drawn for you and respecting that.

Not prioritizing or valuing the comfort you had tried to draw a picture of to me. The ways that you tried to get me to understand, to hear you.

I’m sorry that in those moments I didn’t show the respect you deserved and provide you the comfort you should have been given. That I made you feel dismissed in those moments. That I didn’t understand to the level that you needed. That I made you feel like your needs didn't matter in those moments.

I’m sorry that in those moments I chose me when you needed me to choose you.

While at times I could think approaches could be different or mixed signals were given, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter because I still never wanted my actions to impact you in the way they did.

Whether we would workout long term or not, you deserved better from me.

You deserved to have all your needs respected and while I tried my best in other ways I fell short in this way.

These are my words not for repair or reconciliation but more my words for reflection in recognizing the impact that my actions had on you even if the intentions were always good.

This is my apology for not aligning those, for not showing up in those moments. For leaving you feeling unheard and not valued more than once.

For not consistently seeing you and making you feel safe when that is all I ever wanted for you to feel.

These are my words in saying that I am deeply sorry for how I made you feel and for my actions not aligning with my words in this way.

For the confusion, for the disappointment, and for making you question me in the process. For causing you tensions your body never deserved to have to feel again. For not always making you feel safe.

And for that, in these words I hope you feel heard in the ways I failed to before.

I am sorry that it took me so long to see what you needed me to see.