How to Stay Single

Introduction: Congratulations on Your Independence

First of all, congratulations. Staying single in a world that treats coupledom like a competitive sport is no small feat. You are about to embark on a bold, intentional lifestyle choice. Perhaps you have already stumbled into it and decided to unpack your bags. Either way, this instruction manual exists to guide you through the noble art of remaining unattached, unbothered, and refreshingly self-directed. It is for the fatigued, who desire to avoid the endless dating games, emotional breadcrumbs, and “You Up?” texts... sent from someone who keeps in touch every 3-7 days as though they are watering a plant.

Welcome. Take off your shoes. We don’t chase here.

Please note: this manual is not anti-love. It is simply pro-autonomy, mildly suspicious of shared toothbrush cups, and deeply committed to having the whole bed to oneself.

Step 1: Stop Confusing Attention with Interest

The first and most crucial rule of staying single is learning that attention is not currency. It is not a prize. It is not a compliment if it comes from someone who disappears every 72 hours like clockwork.

If someone:

• Texts enthusiastically for two days, then vanishes.
• Asks you out, then “gets swamped.”
• Says “we should hang out soon” with no follow-up plan.

Congratulations. They are not busy. You are being gently set on a shelf.

To stay single, you must stop treating these micro-doses of attention as hope. Hope is expensive. We are budgeting now.

Step 2: Perfect the Art of Being Unavailable

To stay single, cultivate an air of perpetual, intriguing busyness. Not frantic chaos (no one finds that attractive), but a calm, confident sense that your calendar is full of things that matter.

These may include:

• Hobbies that sound impressive but are difficult to explain (e.g., “experimental bread baking” or “urban sketching, but emotionally”).
• Classes that conveniently meet during peak dating hours.
• Solo rituals like long walks, gym sessions, or staring out of café windows while listening to music like a film protagonist.
• Binge watching a TV show that you will never admit to watching.

When someone messages last minute with “Hey, what are you up to?” you are not required to respond like a golden retriever who’s just been offered a walk. You can simply say, “Already have plans. Perhaps another time!”

Will there be another time? Who knows. That’s between them and their calendar app... and your newly discovered breadmaking schedule (your starter "Larry" is going to require a lot of love and attention).

Step 3: Retire From the Talking Stage Immediately

The talking stage is not a stage. It is a purgatory.

If you find yourself messaging someone daily for weeks with no clear direction, no date, and no forward motion, you are not “building connection.” You are providing entertainment. For free.

To stay single, implement a timeline:

• Conversation -> date
• Date -> consistency
• Consistency -> clarity

If the process stalls, exit politely and without an essay. You are not a customer service representative for grown adults who “don’t know what they want.”

Step 4: Develop an Allergy to Breadcrumbs

Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough to keep you interested but never enough to feel secure. Think:

• “I miss you” with no action.
• “I’ve been thinking about you” followed by silence.
• Random likes on your stories like a digital poke.

To stay single, you must treat breadcrumbs the way adults treat gluten when it doesn’t agree with them: avoid at all costs.

You do not confront. You do not clarify. You simply stop engaging. Breadcrumbs only work if you’re hungry. You are not. You ate already. Emotionally.

Step 5: Make Your Standards Inconvenient

Your standards should be high enough that they immediately disqualify people who are:

• “Bad texters” (but somehow never bad at posting).
• “Not ready for anything serious” but very ready for intimacy.
• “Go with the flow” (translation: allergic to effort).

When someone says, “Wow, your standards are intense,” smile warmly. They are supposed to be. Standards are not a negotiation. They are a filter.

Staying single is significantly easier when you stop lowering the bar to accommodate people who refuse to step over it.

Step 6: Stop Romanticizing Emotional Unavailability

If someone is confusing, inconsistent, or emotionally distant, they are not mysterious. They are unavailable. Mystery is a novel. This is a pattern.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel calm or anxious?
• Do I feel chosen or tolerated?
• Do I feel clear or constantly guessing?

If the answer requires a pros-and-cons list, that’s your answer. Peace is not boring. Peace is quiet because no one is messing with it.

Step 7: Learn to Say “No” Without a TED Talk

You do not owe:

• A second date because the first one was “fine.”
• Continued texting because they’re “nice.”
• Closure conversations to people who barely showed up.

“No, thank you” is a complete sentence (as is "No"). Silence is also acceptable when someone has already demonstrated a lack of consideration.

Staying single requires strong boundaries and weak guilt.

Step 8: Build a Life That Makes Dating Optional

The easiest way to stay single is to make your life genuinely enjoyable without a partner.

Fill your time with:

• Friends who show up.
• Work that doesn’t drain your soul (or at least pays you well).
• Hobbies that remind you who you are.

When your life feels full, dating games feel obvious.... and optional. You stop chasing potential because you already have momentum.

Step 9: Expect Commentary and Ignore It Gracefully

Brace yourself for the following questions:

• “Why are you still single?”
• “Don’t you want someone?”
• “Maybe you’re too picky?”

Smile. Nod. Change the subject.

Your relationship status is not a group project. You are not behind. You are simply refusing to participate in a system that rewards minimal effort and maximum confusion.

Final Disclaimer:

Staying single is not about swearing off love forever. It’s about refusing to audition for roles that offer no stability, no clarity, and no respect.

If someone comes along who is consistent, communicative, emotionally available, and capable of making plans like an adult, you may abandon this manual and allow yourself reconsider.

Until then, you will be at home, phone on silent, enjoying the radical luxury of not wondering where you stand.

And honestly? That’s probably the best date you’ve had in years.