How to find out whether people are homophobic or accepting before coming out.

So first of all, you should be very proud of yourself for even thinking of taking this step. Coming out can be a very scary step to take but will hopefully feel very rewarding for you!

Here are the steps I took before coming out:

Step 1: Incorporate LGBTQ+ related content in your daily life. Try to be vocal about the issues these people may face. Don’t be too direct. What I did was watch the news while they were discussing Amsterdam Pride Parade and I casually mentioned how cool it is that we have something like this in my country. My mother luckily responded likewise and was very positive about the LGBTQ+ community. You can also mention a show, a friend who is gay (but don’t out them if they’re not comfortable) or any other LGBTQ+ related topic.

Step 2: Be vocal about being an ‘ally’. Now this is a step you can take once you get a positive response to the first step. If that’s not the case yet that’s okay too, just keep incorporating these things and try to see if their opinions may adjust or completely change after a while.

How can you show people you’re an ally:

1. Bring up conversations where you explain how you protected or would protect an LGBTQ+ person when they’re being attacked or bullied because of their sexuality, gender identity or something of this sort.

2. Post things to your social media. The easiest way to do this is post it in your story, this way it’s not permanent and feels like a more ‘fleety’ thought. People will read it, think about it for a minute and proceed their day. However, they will notice that you are an ally and this could stick with them for a longer time.

3. If you want to go all out, you could join some of your non-closeted friends to a pride parade near you. Now this would be a rather big step and was not something I personally did, but I heard people had very pleasant experiences going to these parades. Seeing people like yourself, unapologetically being themselves, could help boost your confidence to come out.

Step 3: The last thing I did before coming out was sketching a possible scenario. Something along the lines of: ‘What would you do if you were gay?’ or ‘What would you do if I were gay?’ (I picked gay but you could just swap it out for whatever sexuality or gender identity.) Now this step, while not being necessary, can work very well for some people.

Step 4: The last step is of course the biggest one, getting the word out. Any place, any setting, any time will do. This is just something you have to feel comfortable about. The only advice I can give you on this, is to accept yourself completely, before coming out. I say this, because if by any chance, you get a bad response, at least YOU will know, it is okay for you to be who you are. Other than that, just do it the way you feel most comfortable in. Whether this is over drinks, or late at night in a parking lot with friends, make yourself fee comfortable.

I also want to add that some people may react wrong in your eyes, while they accept you completely. It’s usually just the shock, the fear of what life is going to bring you or they feel confronted with their own hiding. Give people time to adjust, give yourself time to heal or be happy. There will always be people that love you this way, I promise you that.

Ilayda Unsal