How to Deal With the Toxic and Harmful Inner Voice

Throughout my life, I have used several techniques and methods to overcome my self-esteem problems and start talking to myself more positively.

"You've been criticizing yourself for years and you haven't done anything right. At least try to brag and see what happens! " - Louise Hey

The techniques I mentioned above had an effect and it seemed to me that I was making serious progress on the road to the goal, but when I reached the stage of positive internal dialogue, my progress slowed down so much that I felt I was losing control of the situation.

I've known for a long time that when I talk to myself or about myself, I use extremely negative words. I was the first in a line of people to try to blame me for my accomplishments, the first to scold me for the slightest flaws, and of all my criticisms, I was the harshest and most relentless.

I realized that I communicate so harshly and negatively with myself primarily because my self-esteem is incredibly low.

I tried to compare myself to my unrealistic standards of how I thought I should be loved, appreciated, and accepted in society. But my destructive and cruel criticism of me was the exact opposite of what I needed because no matter what they helped me to accomplish, it still couldn't give me what I needed most light. - self-love.

I realized that I need to change the way I communicate with myself and do it as soon as possible!

Below, I'll share some of the tricks and techniques I've used to overcome my self-esteem issues and start talking to myself more positively:

1. Keep a journal

I kept a diary before deciding to change my internal dialogue, but I used it to shed all the dirt I felt in its pages, and after reading what I wrote it was almost physically painful. Of course, there were happy events among my negative thoughts, but the negative memories and thoughts often overlapped them.

When I bought a new diary, I decided to focus on those words and deeds that I did about myself that showed love and kindness.

When you do this constantly for several days in a row, you will find that it helps you to "intercept" negative thoughts before they get worse.

2. Remove the word "should" from the internal dialogue

I stopped using this word, replacing it with a more positive and gentle "I make the decision", as I found that words like "must…" made me feel completely useless.

Now, for example, when I set my alarm clock early in the morning, instead of saying "I have to wake up early to work," I say, "I've decided to wake up early to work." physical exercises".

Stop telling yourself what you should, should, and should do again, and you will certainly start to treat yourself much better.

3. Smile

Try to smile - just smile - right now and see how good it makes you feel. Imagine smiling just walking down the sidewalk or answering the phone. Just smile a little - and over time, this little smile will become warm, sincere, and wide.

4. Learn to say "yes" to yourself and "no" to others

For the first time in many years, I learned to say "yes" to myself, for which I sometimes have to say "no" to other people.

Now, every time I want to say "yes" to another person, I look carefully at my reasons and wonder why I want to accept exactly his request or proposal. If I want to do this to get love or acceptance from this person, then it will most likely lead to a burning disappointment when in the end I still do not get what I wanted.

Imagine how our lives would change if we all said yes only when we wanted to. It would be a world without falsehood and disappointment, a world in which, while doing something for other people, we would do it with joy, which would create positive feelings for both them and us.

5. Accept that we are not obligated to love one another

Ever since I paid attention to my internal dialogue and started taking action to correct it, I've started to worry much less about what people around me think about me and my actions - now the main thing for me is that they correspond I think and that they were committed in terms of honesty and openness.

This approach helped me a lot to get rid of my inner voice of negativity because I no longer consider myself a bad person just because someone doesn't like me.

6. Ask yourself if your decisions will make you feel good

Now, I consider any choice of life primarily in terms of how it will make me feel after that. I always ask myself: "Will I feel good about the consequences of this choice?" If not, what should I do to feel better?

For example, before accepting an offer from an "old friend" I meet, I stop and wonder if I would like to spend time with him and if it would be good for me. If the answer to both questions is "no", I would be much more willing to spend this time with someone whose presence inspires me and lifts my spirits.

Ask these questions many times, and the decisions you make will help you get up, not down.

7. Set achievable goals for your tibia and celebrate their achievement

You can celebrate your little accomplishments as you please - go to a cafe with friends, arrange an evening of watching your favorite TV show, buy a good book or something. Whatever it is, try to make it memorable for yourself, because it will remind you again that you are a wonderful person and deserve recognition for all the good things you do.

8. Learn to leave on time

I also learned to stay away from people who don't respect me. Yes, it is sometimes very difficult, but if I allow other people to show disrespect, I will therefore allow myself to do the same and start this vicious circle again.

How does your inner dialogue make you feel? And could you be kinder and more loving with yourself?