How the Parent’s Relationship Affects the Child

The relationship of the parents greatly influences the development of a child! The basic needs of the child should not be ignored, and in addition to shelter and food, they are related to affection, safety, stability, and emotional comfort. Only a communicative family environment can meet these basic needs. A tense, distant, even hostile relationship between parents affects feelings of security, affection, and stability.

The relationship between the parents, therefore, is important for the child. Not only the parent-child relationship is essential, but also the relationship between the two parents. Because depending on what the child sees in his house, he will form his relationships in the future, he will be influenced in the way he looks at the couple, the opposite sex, the idea and the ideal of the family.

How the parent's relationship influences the child:

The first years. Do you think that a baby does not know what is going on around him, so the parents' relationship cannot affect him? Well, it's not like that - the parents are the only people present in the life of the little child and he is extremely perceptive about the way they interact.

Studies have shown that in families where parents often quarreled or were estranged from each other, babies up to one-year-old had sleep problems.

The relationship between the parents provides security. Safety is essential in the development of a child - he needs to know that he will always be protected by his parents, especially when he feels alone. And part of this comfort, the feeling of security, is the stability of the family environment and harmony.

It is not only the relationship with the important child - the parents can be with him, but if there is distance, tension, the conflict between them, the child perceives them and thus does not feel part of a protective and stable family.

Cold relationship and distance between parents. You may think that if you do not argue and do not show the child in any way that something is wrong, he will be protected. But a cold, distant, more formal relationship between parents who no longer understand each other affects him.

The child is not stupid - he is very intuitive and will realize that something bad has happened in his family. Even if he is protected from any direct manifestation of the misunderstandings between the parents, the child realizes that the parents do not understand each other and suffers all the more, as the parents ignore him. For example, if he asks what happened, his parents can tell him that everything is fine - but he knows, he feels that not everything is fine.

A cold atmosphere in the family given by the separation between the parents affects him and he may even think that it is his fault (the children are egocentric and link any pleasant or unpleasant event with their person).

It is better, in such situations, to spend time with the child and confess that it is not, it is not all right - you can explain to him his meaning "moms and dads are upset, how you upset your brother/friend. " Thus, he will be able to try to understand the tension and the distance with an example and he will know that it is not his fault.

Conflicting relationship. Needless to say, when the parent's relationship takes a downward slope and open conflicts and quarrels are reached, the child is affected! Parents can try to hide the quarrels of the little one.

But, as mentioned, first of all, the child is extremely intuitive. But secondly, how many times do parents not think they are arguing in private and the child does not hear them, but he listens by the door? How many children are not affected by the memory of the evenings when his parents, believing that he was sleeping, screamed at each other and said bad things to each other?

In such a tense family environment, it is no longer possible to talk about providing a sense of stability and security. The child even feels in danger, seeing his parents as he has never seen them before, hostile and aggressive with each other. However, if nothing else, it is important to try to keep the quarrels intimate, to try to make sure that the little one hears as little of them as possible - never, but never quarrel in front of him!

A constantly conflicted atmosphere in the family makes the child feel insecure, useless (because he can't help it), frustrated, sad, and fearful. Retreating children who have a difficult relationship with others and do not trust themselves and others, but also children who become aggressive, trying to impose themselves and show that they are strong - these children come from tense family backgrounds.

Separation of parents. Parental divorce is considered the biggest evil for a child. There is no denying that the separation of his parents greatly affects him, it can make him feel alone, unimportant, sad, and even blame himself.

But the reality is that in some cases than to live constantly in a tense and hostile environment, than to always be the silent and invisible witness of quarrels between parents, it is healthier for the child to stay with one of the parents - it will pass, with the help of his father, over the initial pain and at least he will no longer live in insecurity and hostility.

Even if his parents never yell at him, don't unload on him, don't assault him, but if the little one is a frequent witness to hostile quarrels or, even worse, to physical aggression between the two, he will be severely affected. How many children do not develop resentment for their parents, do not wait for the moment to escape from the parental home?… So, although it should not be the first solution, divorce can sometimes be a healthier way.

It is important to remember: perhaps as important as it is for the little one to see that you love him, it is important for him to see that you love each other as well. Parental love is not only about giving affection to the child - but also about maintaining an emotional environment in general.

Therefore, the partners of a couple who have problems and decide to have a child, to unite them, to strengthen their relationship, make a mistake. Yes, many times, the child will make you more united, but you have to solve the problems yourself first, otherwise, you make the child the innocent witness of your conflict…

In a conclusion: the marriage of the parents, the relationship of the parents, is the first and most important model that a child retains. It is the basis on which he will form his relationships and ideas about couple, love, family.

Children who grow up in a distant or hostile environment will not be able to trust the ideal of the family and will hardly form a family life. Children who have seen their parents love each other will have confidence and positive expectations from life.

Of course, in any marriage there are quarrels, but here it is a constant tense situation, which intensely affects the child. Remember - the child understands more than you think - sure, not rational, but intuitive…