HARVARD negotiators explain: How to get what you want every time

The Harvard negotiation project was founded by William Yuri and Roger Fiser, who co-wrote the book Getting to Yes. I recently read the book and would like to share some of its main takeaways with you. According to the book, negotiation isn't about splitting things 50/50 or insisting on your way or mine; it's also not about winning or losing; if you're wondering who is winning, you've already lost. So what exactly is a negotiation? Well, let me give you some examples.

In a library, two men argue. One wants the window open to let in fresh air, while the other wants it closed to prevent the wind from blowing his papers. What do you do, leave it half open? somewhat open or closed After hearing both, the librarian goes to another room and opens the window to let fresh air in without disturbing the papers. Both parties are satisfied as a result.

Another illustration When two individuals want to share a cake but are unable to agree on how to divide it fairly, they will both complain that the other side received a larger piece no matter how it is cut. The solution is to ask one person to cut the cake, and the other person chooses first. Knowing that the other side will pick first, the person cutting will divide the cake evenly to prevent receiving a smaller piece.

One final illustration A parent cuts himself with a knife when two children quarrel over an orange. If the parent had enquired as to why the children wanted the orange, both children could have received 100% of what they desired, but as you can see from these examples, one child eats the fruit and discards the peel, while the other uses the peel to make a cake and discards the fruit. Finding a solution through negotiation that pleases both parties without destroying the relationship is the goal. But how does one go about doing that? How do you think those are sensible and useful?

Here is a four-step structure that will help you become a master negotiator. Step one is to concentrate on your interests rather than your positions. Keep in mind the story of the two men fighting over a library window highlights a common issue in negotiations: people tend to focus too much on their positions. Instead, shift your focus to interests. This has obvious benefits, but it can be challenging to do so because positions are clear and specific interests may be obscured or ambiguous.

To find out what the other side wants, simply ask them why they want it and try to understand their point of view. Once you have identified their underlying interests, talk openly about them because people listen better when they feel understood and they believe those who understand them are wise and kind. Showing that you care about and understand their interests is the first step in converting them into viable possibilities. Of course, you also need to convey your own interests, as the other party may not be aware of them. If they agree with me, what should I ask them to do tomorrow?

Step number two: Use No matter how well you understand what the other side wants, disputes will always arise. For example, you want a lower rent but your landlord wants a higher one. Instead of arguing back and forth, use objective criteria to make a decision. Remember the cake example where two men couldn't share a cake? Objective criteria are impartial and based on a fair standard. regulations that are independent of individual viewpoints Market pricing are one illustration of this.

In negotiations, individuals frequently refuse to comply because they believe you are demanding it, but if you say, "Let's check the rules or regulations," it changes. This includes legal requirements, expert opinions, and fair standards that you both agree on. For instance, if the construction contract for your home doesn't specify how deep the foundations should be and the contractor suggests two feet while you believe five tonnes is the standard, don't just compromise; instead, say look. Change your focus from what you want to what the rules say. Perhaps I'm mistaken; perhaps two feet is plenty. Does the government have any set requirements for these kind of soil conditions? There is an earthquake risk here. Where do you think we should look for standards to answer this question?

Step number three: Create options for mutual gain. Remember the example of the kids fighting over an orange? Instead of splitting at 50/50, they could have found a way for both of them to get 100% of what they wanted. This scenario highlights the importance of applying this principle effectively. Before you begin, figure out some Fair standards with the other side. For example, let's figure out what a fair price would be. What standards should we use?

Creating choices for mutual benefit in talks, therefore here's how to create creative solutions. Just plain assemble with your side or the opposing side and discuss every potential solution. Allow the thoughts to flow. Don't pick or assess any of the initial stage's ideas. Choose a few individuals and keep the brainstorming session outside from the collection session. alter the surroundings and create a casual ambiance After brainstorming, establish the goal, begin with the most promising concepts, and then talk about how to make them better.

People frequently believe that disagreements in negotiations cause issues, however they can really result in solutions. Recall the orange example. Because each side desired distinct pieces of the orange, a sensible solution was attainable. It's ridiculous to You may believe that your differences are the cause of the issue, but in reality, they are what lead to step four:

creative solutions. Before beginning a negotiation, distance the parties from the issue by drawing a vertical line. dividing someone in half, with the person on one side and the problem on the other. Always put the person first, and the problem second. The goal of negotiation is to be soft on the person but hard on the problem. Often, we are soft on the person and end up being hard on the problem as well, which prevents us from getting what we want, or we are hard on the problem but end up being hard on the person, which damages the relationship.

People have different perspectives, their egos are easily threatened, they see the world from their perspective, and they frequently misinterpret your words and fail to communicate their true intentions. Remember that you must deal with both their problems and your own. Your anger and frustration can also obstruct agreement, and your perceptions may be one-sided.

Finally, at every stage of the negotiation, ask yourself if you are paying enough attention to the people's problems and appreciate their effort. Developing a rapport with the opposing party before the negotiation begins with a person you know is one of the finest strategies to avoid interpersonal issues. Building a relationship with the other party before the negotiation begins is one of the greatest methods to avoid issues.

It's simpler to negotiate with someone you know than with a complete stranger, so arrive early to talk and remain a little while later to learn about their preferences. Future talks are made much easier by these casual exchanges; according to several studies, just getting to know the other side raises the success rate by 25 to 30%.

Now, you may think that all four of these stages are reasonable and fair, but what if the other side doesn't follow the rules? What if they employ dishonest tactics? What if they are stronger? What if they attack me directly? Here's how to handle that situation.

Let's start with the dirty techniques in each of these circumstances. People lie and employ different forms of pressure, and recognising these tactics usually makes them less effective. Make direct reference to it. Joe it appears like you and Ted are playing good cop and bad cop if you need a break to get on the same page simply ask noting the approach makes it less successful and may make the other side worried about losing you Simply asking a question may be sufficient to put an end to it, but be care not to make personal assaults.

Instead of stating, "You put me facing the sun on purpose. The sun of my eyes is distracting. Can we adjust the schedule and meet later? I can't concentrate like this what?" The best course of action is to establish your best alternative to a negotiated deal. If the other side has heavy guns and they are more powerful, don't let the negotiation escalate into a gunfight.

Imagine how it would feel to go into a job interview with no other offers. Compare how you would feel going into an interview with two other job offers to how difficult the salary negotiation would be. Power makes a difference; the more readily you can end a discussion, the more power you have to build your batna. not only helps you establish what the very minimum of an acceptable agreement is, but it will most likely increase that minimum Instead of saying, "Let's negotiate first," always create your batum before engaging in negotiations.

You're negotiating blindly without Batna. What if they attack you instead of the issue? When things get tough, you want a fair solution, but they undermine your ideas. It's normal to defend yourself, but that doesn't work. You push back, they push back, and soon you're stuck. Why not use negotiation? Jujitsu dodges their blows. When someone expresses what they want, don't simply respond "yes" or "no." Instead, find out why they want it and what matters most to them. If they continue to reject your suggestions, then ask them for guidance. They will put themselves in your position and ask you what you would do if you were me. provide you with the answers.

Three, ask them what's wrong with them rather than defending your ideas. This will assist you understand their interests. I want to end this movie with a fantastic tale that exemplifies what negotiating is in reality. A small group of people gathered in Hy Park, London, in 1964 to watch an American father and his 12-year-old son play frisbee. After a while, a man said, "Sorry to bother you, I've been watching you for 15 minutes. Who's winning in negotiations?" This is similar to asking who's winning in a marriage; if you're focused on winning, you've missed the point; the real goal is working together and finding a solution that meets the interests of both parties.