Fly Your Flag

“You are such a freak!” “Why can’t you be normal?” “Would it be so hard for you to be like everyone else?” “ You like what?’ “You do that?” “ Why would you, want that, or want to do that or like that?” Sound familiar? I bet a vast majority of us have. I know I did and often still do.

High school comes to mind, but it is in no way the only place you get that response from people when they discover something about you, that offends their sensibilities. That kind experience is lifelong and if you don’t have it in your face, you can be assured it’s done behind your back. Encouraging isn’t it?

Well I am here to tell you that there is a choice to be made. Conform or fly that freak flag of yours on the highest pole, without remorse.

Now, I know if you are a teenager reading this right now, that it will be hard. You will have tremendous fear. And no that word “tremendous” is not a presidentially owned word. If it were, he would be a tremendous….. I’ll leave it there.

During our teenage years, we are awkward. We do not know where we fit in or where we will fit in. I was the freak in high school. I was involved in art and I was pretty geeky. I did not fit in anywhere, for the most part. I was not in the popular crowd, though I had acquaintances in the group. I was not a complete geek, so I didn’t meet their criteria for the in. I didn’t quite fit in the art scene, because I was not withdrawn enough. Well we won’t get into the athletic group. I was definitely not primarily interested in sports. In fact I kind of hated all sports. Lastly, I was not part of the goth group either, because I was not gloomy and dark enough, either. No, I am not talking about color. I was not morose enough, is maybe a better term.

So what was I? I was a little bit of all of the above. Except the jock crowd. But you can’t have it all. I was fun, nut not too social, I was real smart, but my IQ topped at 131. I was weirdly dark and light with my tastes in music and dress, but did not have a completely black kick with clothing, makeup or music. I knew a lot of kids and they knew me, but I was not popular. You get the picture. I was unbreakable though. And I was and am fiercely independent. I was an independent thinker.

I didn’t want to and didn’t let anyone tell me what to think or when. What to wear, what or who to be friends with, or how to behave. I still don’t being told what to do. If someone tries to tell me what to do, I go cold and I rebel and then I shy away from those people. I am not a follower. I am divergent, for you young people. And maybe that is out of fashion now. I don’t care.

And that my friends is the crux of what it takes. You have to not care, or get to the point of not caring. That is hard to do when your entire world encompasses the building you spend a majority of your time. Really, as teens we are isolated. We have home and family, and the school and hopefully friends. Don’t have friends or only a couple? Well buckle up, that is absolutely going to change. No doubt about it. IT WILL CHANGE. Why? Because life is constant change.

Life does not stop for anyone, and we ALL go through it the same. Even popular people are self conscious and insecure. Even jocks are unsure of themselves. And so on. We all share this common denominator. Change and growth.

As you navigate the piranha filled waters of the education system, and the pointy fingers adult world, you will find your people. Those that accept you as you are. You will find people who may be your opposite and still appreciate the nuances and different quirks you bring to the table. Everyone finds their people. And even those change as we change.

The people tasing you or shaming you today, may be your closest friends in twenty years. The BFF you hang on to today, may disappear from your life, moving in a direction you are not moving in. When you get to the college experience, you start all over. But there, you are dealing with a much larger community of people who don’t shut you down for your looks, or brains, or lack there of. What happens then? And why?

Well eventually, your skin thickens. The words no longer hurt you. You being to find out who you really are beyond the experimentation in high school. You find and settle what you enjoy and what you don’t, what makes you happy and what does not, and believe it or not you become.

You become who you are or have been inside. You embrace the things in yourself that you cannot and will not change, and you stop apologizing for it. You learn to fly your flag. There may be fear initially, but as you discover those things that are not acceptable to give up in yourself, you gain acceptance, of your person. When you do, things change again. Same, but different.

When you have again morphed into a deeper version of you, or a different version of you, you will begin to find your people. It is inevitable. Yes, you will find people that are like minded.

You’ll find your community of people that have similar tastes, similar style, similar beliefs, and so much more. What all of this change and advancement needed was maturity and life experience. Both of these things require time. So hang in there, one day at a time.

Your group will not just change, but evolve into not so rigid requirement parameters. You won’t have to have only a particle kind of friend and neither will they. At some magical point in life, kids grow into grownups that now value the person, not the status or type of person you are socially,

I never fit in. I still don’t. I don’t do what others do, I don’t the way others think, I don’t behave how others behave, or do what they want. I do what I want and when and how I want to do it. Some don’t like that about me. And that is ok. They don’t have to. Some will love things about you as well. The difference here is tolerance.

We learn tolerance, as we grow and mature. The understanding that you have the right to live as you choose, just as they have the same rights, finally settles in. Well for most of the sane world, anyway. There will always be outliers of people that think making you do as they do, behave as they do, vote, spend, like, believe, or just be, as they do, is the the only option. Guess what? They have the same right you do to be you. They just can’t force anyone or manipulate anyone to change to their way of living. For any of you that believe in God, that is the essence of free will. It is innate.

So, you be you. Without the shame or judgement of others. Tune them out. Navigate away from the sharks and fly your freak flag high and loud. You will be loved and appreciated for you. You will be accepted as you the way you are. And, when you find who you are, you will find others who are the same or similar and you’ll gravitate to the life force of that acceptance and love.

See, love is the common thread. We all want it. We all need it. And we all receive it and give it. Love is not conditional. I don’t love, if. I love despite, if. I love even, if. If you don’t or can’t, then you don’t love. You try to control or mold to your tastes. That is not love.

If you are weird, fly that flag and other weird identifying people will see your flag and join you. If you are strange, then fly that flag high and loud and other strange people will do likewise. Different always finds same. Love to eat, hate to eat, love art or no, love brainy or can’t hack that, have kinks or straight and narrow, you fly your flag and live your life. Those are your choices, not anyone else’s. They don’t make you, You make you.

My dad used to say, “ if they don’t pay your bills, they don’t have a right to tell you what to do or how.” That is true for the most part, as we become more independent and adult like. Yes, adult like. Who wants to be a complete adult. Save a little childlike for those years. You will need it and thank me later.

The biggest hurdle you will have, is fear. I will promise you now, that as you find your people, and as you begin to feel more comfortable in your own person, that fear becomes courage. And courage is a beautiful thing. It will not guarantee outcomes, but it will make the moments of defeat not so insurmountably painful.

The only thing I say further is this; be to others what you want for yourself. No matter how they treat you. Be the person you want to be around, and others will want that too. Don’t judge or cause pain, because you suffered. Be kind even if they hate you, because they are looking for the same thing you are. Love, kindness, warmth and acceptance.

If they need a reason to not like you, to despise you, to not accept you, give them that reason. That no matter what, you don’t judge, hate, or put them down for who they are, as you don’t want that for yourself. That is victorious.

Give them no ammunition for their flag burning. Walk away with kindness.

Fly your flag, take your victory, take no prisoners. Be the ruler of your kingdom. Your people are waiting to find you.

I hope this fills your hearts.