FEAR Everyone

I’ve been a mentor, counselor, and most importantly, a friend of his for a little over three years now. Still, I know him better than anyone, including himself. For example, I know that white noise is an unwelcome concept to him. Within any privately occupied space, sound must be purposeful. That over which he has no control––automobile engines, sirens, sounds of the city and the like––have to be blocked with earplugs when concentration or sleep is required. Fortunately, that’s not often a necessity because he lives in what is as close to the “country” as one can be while still within the metropolitan city limits. At the moment, however, his personal ban on audible distraction was lifted allowing the television on the wall of his study to speak freely.

“We begin with an exposé of human behavior—behavior that has been made more evident by social media and the 24-hour news cycle covering this administration. What makes politicians more brazenly exhibit hypocrisy, irreverently reversing their stances on issues upon which they previously so firmly stood? What makes their constituents cast their ballots for those same politicians, fully aware that their vote directly opposes their best interests? What makes both of these groups disregard truth in favor of blatant lies and conspiracy theories? Our Regina Porter has the story.”

Understanding the person I know Dr. Lucas to be, I’m absolutely positive that he regards this as purposeful sound. My assertion was confirmed as he set his pen down on the desk and sat up in his chair. He’d been waiting for this story. Particularly because the subject matter had recently become intertwined with a specific area of his interest. Dr. Lucas watched and listened as the investigative report cited the desire to acquire and/or maintain power as the reason for this phenomenon. He’s a learned man, a historian, and an accomplished psychologist who amassed considerable wealth researching as well as giving speeches on the topic suggesting a number of hypotheses—which is why I appreciated that, after a number of conversations, he accepted what I know to be the true reason. Fear.

Regardless, he watched intently, never breaking his gaze, as he reached past a coffee mug that read ‘Penny for Your Thoughts’ and grabbed small black notebook from the corner of his desk. The pages in it were full, front and back, through three-fourths of it, requiring the use of a bookmark to quickly turn to the point of his most recent documentation. Digital transcription isn’t his thing––a sentiment that could be attributed to an inherent paranoia of having his chronicles altered. He is a historian of the ‘old school’ variety. Books, newspapers, magazine articles, letters, etc., represented physical gems in his treasure chest that are impossible for technological pirates to rob as opposed to their computerized counterparts. He picked up his pen and began writing, clearly unconcerned with the aesthetics of his penmanship as his eyes never left the television while scribbling notes before I interrupted.

“Why are you continuing to look for alternative explanations for this behavior? Do I have to remind you of Terrell?”

Often times, Dr. Lucas doesn’t audibly communicate with Me, as was the case this time. But, as always, I heard him loud and clear. He put his pen down and opened the floor for remembrance.

Terrell is a young, professional African-American male in his early thirties who has been coming to Dr. Lucas regarding the increasing instability of his mental state over the last couple years. Over the course of numerous therapeutic sessions, he has exhibited his observational and analytical nature. Terrell’s intense reliance on logic strictly prevents Christianity from entering his mind, except for what I’m certain is a thought that creeps into the heads of quite a few atheists from time to time:

“What if I’m wrong?”

That line of thinking leaves Terrell as quickly as it comes, however, leading him to another human being upon whom he relies for solutions on how to conquer his fear. I don’t hold that against him, though. I’ve advised Dr. Lucas to extend the same courtesy because compassion and empathy are integral to the mission…our mission. Every now and then he needs a reminder of that, as well as pivotal conversations he’s had with Terrell. There was one verbal exchange in particular that I chose to bring to the doctor’s remembrance. I watched him as it played out in his head:

“I’m just tired, Doctor.”

“I trust that this fatigue isn’t of the physical variety. Tell me what’s going on.”

“To be honest, too much is going on. Between the pandemic, social injustice, and governmental corruption, it’s just more than I feel that I’m prepared to deal with. I don’t even care to watch the news anymore because it triggers me.”

“What is triggered? Anxiety? Sadness? Anger?”

“Initially, it is anger. But the more I thought about it, eventually I realized that the foundation of all those emotions is fear. As a black man, just about every action is a defense mechanism.”

“Share with me what you’ve been defending yourself against, Terrell.”

A measure of Dr. Lucas’ success in the field can be attributed to having been blessed with an exceptional level of discernment and wisdom. His request wasn’t as much one made out of ignorance of the dangers plaguing African-American males in America as it was an endeavor to give his patient an audience with whom to speak that he wouldn’t otherwise have.

“It’s little stuff sometimes, you know. For example, at work, or any professional setting for that matter, I can’t be myself. In a predominately white corporate world, no black person can.”

The opportunity to learn. Very much valued by scholars, and the only thing that would cause Dr. Lucas to interrupt, veering out of his professional lane onto the exit ramp towards ‘Additional Knowledge Avenue’.

“Intriguing. Why is that? Why can’t you be yourself at work or in professional arenas, Terrell?”

“Because I have to be careful not to scare those of my white counterparts that may only be favorable of ‘safe black people’. And by ‘safe’ I mean the non-threatening representation of blacks that small-minded and ignorant people believe us to be—thugs, uneducated, etc. For everything we do, there is a prerequisite to be cognizant of our white peers and how they might react. In certain arenas, black women—and this is just ridiculous—have to be careful about wearing their natural hair because there have been instances in which their termination was a result of having an ‘unprofessional hairstyle’.”

Dr. Lucas failed in his attempt to be discreet as his face poorly wore the realization of this significant knowledge deficit. Thus, he resigned himself to simply listen as Terrell continued.

“I call those kinds of people ‘blacktose intolerant’ because their mental system can’t digest the blackness of our personalities. So, we suppress it—hide it behind a proverbial mask. That’s why black people don’t understand why in the hell during a global pandemic, people act like it’s so damn hard to wear a mask. It’s nothing to us because we’ve had to wear one figuratively all our lives. The burden of a physical mask is nothing compared to what comes with the allegorical one. We wear them out of fear. Fear of employers relieving us of our jobs, fear of legislation relieving us of basic civil rights, or fear of the police relieving us of our lives. We’re constantly in survival mode. I can’t imagine being so fearless that the act of storming the Capitol building feels the same as going to McDonald’s. But that’s the difference between our fear and theirs. We’re bombarded with host of daily situations that induce fear, whereas they’ve no reason to be afraid of anything. Regardless of whether or not they face consequences for their actions, they can still stage a governmental insurrection without fear of suffering those consequences. They, and many of those they’ve elected, only fear what they believe will happen if they don’t storm the Capitol: The inability to maintain and/or acquire power and privilege.”

In what was mostly a one-sided conversation, Dr. Lucas was ushered into a state of helplessness. This was something to which he was genuinely unaccustomed as he is the one charged with the responsibility of helping others psychologically as defined by his profession. However, I assured him that there was no need for despair because he earnestly wanted to begin understanding the plight of those outside of his bubble—a term that I had previously recommended that he replace with ‘bunker’ because a bubble suggests that the occupant can look through its transparent barrier at others. But that day he was able to see beyond the walls and extend a check outside of it. The verbal exchange had only gone twenty minutes before I was able to convince Dr. Lucas to gift Terrell with $1000 dollars for every enlightening minute of his time, rather than merely one cent for every articulated thought as suggested by his coffee mug.

“Are you for real, Dr. Lucas? Why are you giving me this?”

“Terrell, this is a blessing from me to you because the Holy Spirit reminded me how important it is that we all Feel Empathy And Respect everyone.”