Even the Stars Say We Have to Stop Meeting Like This

I'd waited all week for this night, making sure I looked my absolute best.

The new dress I bought was a bit more on the pricey side than I'd normally feel comfortable spending on myself.

It fit like a glove in all the right places though, and it cinched so perfectly at the waist that it made me look ten pounds lighter. I needed it to since I'd gained about fifteen since Christmas.

Winter always brought out the worst for my mental state. The lack of sun always played tricks on my ability to see any kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

Tonight was different though. It was more than I've looked forward to in a long time.

I couldn't wait to meet him in person.

We only spoke a couple of times, but I already felt like we had so much in common. We both had some pretty shady past relationships, so that was comforting.

I creeped his Facebook and learned we loved the same music which ranked pretty high on my list. I was also pleasantly surprised that he remembered the most obscure movies I thought only I remembered.

Of course, I couldn't help but look at his pictures. He was so handsome. A ginger, of course, because I've had a thing for gingers for as long as I can remember. My best friend was always making fun of me for it.

"They say gingers don't have souls," she'd say to me before breaking out in a fit of laughter. She didn't get it though.

See, I always pictured myself with this handsome red-headed man with a soft, ginger beard and gentle eyes. His eyes would be kind and, if you looked hard enough, you'd be able to see right through to his wounded soul.

I wasn't looking to save anyone. I just made a promise to myself that I would be with a guy who could relate to me. He would understand me on levels only someone with a similar past could.

I'd convinced myself that he was the guy, even though I was still sitting in a pub in Scottsdale, waiting for him to show.

I wasn't worried that he would stand me up. Normally, I would think that but I had a good feeling this time. That was a good sign.

"Can I get you a drink?," the waiter asked.

I decided to have a glass of Merlot since it was always my favorite.

I figured it would keep me at the right level of calm, since I was excited enough to talk about a mile a minute.

Maybe it was the carefree feeling that always came with Fridays, but I just wanted to let it all out tonight.

There was so much I wanted to tell him and I was prepared to throw it all on the table.

He walked through the door and I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear as soon as I saw him.

He smiled too. Another good sign.

So far, so good.

I got up from my chair to give him a hug. It felt so natural; familiar even. I rehearsed it a couple of times in my head last night.

"How are you?" He asked with another blinding smile.

"Great!" I said, "it's Friday. Who can ask for anything better than that?"

But this was better than that.

He told me how he was an electrician, following in his dad's footsteps. He was so proud of that, which I thought spoke volumes.

He sipped on the bottle of Heineken the waiter brought him while he told me the story of how his mom was battling cancer, and winning. It was inspiring.

"Do you drink beer?" He asked while getting ready to order another.

"Sometimes," I responded, "but I prefer Merlot." I giggled like a love-drunk teenager hanging out with her crush.

"Your favorite," he said with that gorgeous smile.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him.

We talked about everything, it seemed. We even shared the same favorite movies; top five but just in a different order.

We laughed way too long about the hilarious over-acting abilities of Nicolas Cage. We even quoted lines from Face/Off, with an embarrassing amount of accuracy.

I hadn't laughed that hard in such a long time. It was the best feeling.

Then we got to music, and I was completely blown away. I couldn't believe the songs he remembered, especially from the late 90's. We even got to the point where we were mind-reading each other's favorite bands like we'd already known.

It was bliss!

I felt like I could talk to him for hours. I also felt like I could probably sit in comfortable silence with him and it would be perfectly easy and wonderfully calm.

It's strange how instantaneous connections can be sometimes. They don't happen often but, when they do, there is no better high in this world.

I was on my third glass of Merlot and seeing things more clearly than I had in years.

I wanted to kiss him so badly.

I kept hoping he felt the same and that, eventually, he would make the connection.

I knew it immediately, but sometimes it can take a guy a bit longer to see it. They're not really built that way.

Women are just more intuitive and sensitive to things like these.

There were a few things about him that were different this time around, but I didn't care. He still felt like home.

His soul was just as beautiful as it always was, every time we've ever met.

I wondered if things would be different. I found myself hoping he would follow through on his promises this time, and not leave me.

I know the psychic told me I had to let him go, but I couldn't.

She told me how many times he had let me down before.

In four different lifetimes, we had crossed paths. He hurt me in every single one of them.

She warned me that he wouldn't follow through, not even in this one. He hadn't changed. I had to finally put it aside, move on and cut myself off from him. For good this time.

But how? I've loved him for so long that I swear I've looked for him in every life.

Like a sucker for punishment, I had convinced myself, every time, that things would be different. He would be different.

Does he even recognize me yet?

I promised myself I would give everything I had to make sure we laughed and drank ourselves late enough into this night that he would remember me, and how much he loved me.

Enough to make him realize he was always walking away from the love of his life and crushing my soul every time.

This time is going to be different. That's what I told myself.

The waiter made his way over to us with another round of Heineken and Merlot.

I sat there with the smile of a true fool on my face, still obliviously in love and completely in denial.