Downsizing

"Why me?", I said clutching a bankers box with the detritus from my desk. It's a warm Friday afternoon in April and I just found out that my "services are no longer required." Standing on the sidewalk dumbfounded, I lift my head, My eyes mentally piercing the heart of my now ex boss from his iron tower.

I had been nothing but loyal to that company for years. Coming in early, leaving late, weekends, holidays, working my butt off and for what? Ever since my boss Tony brought in his nephew, Steve, to start working in sales, more and more of my clients went to him. Any time I booked a big client, Steve would start to manage it because he "handled the big clients." he'd take them to dinners and make trips to Hawaii for corporate events, all things I used to do.

I refocus my attention to street level after the third person I feel bump past me. I'd forgotten the golden rule of any major city sidewalk, "keep moving and get out of the way." I start the 15 minute walk towards the subway, the bankers box pulling on my shoulders from the weight. I make it half way and put the box down just short of the corner next to a newspaper box and garbage can. I lift the lid on my belongings. A souvenir mug, a calendar, my severance cheque, a black notebook, a large leaf shaped glass award for 'Top Sales Clerk" from 3 years ago, and a hand carved chess set I received as a gift from the company on my birthday.

I throw the calendar and award in the trash and continue to the subway. I travel the 4 stops towards my house. I get out and go up to street level. I make my way across a park that provides a shortcut. On my way I see the usual group of seniors playing chess on the line of etched concrete chess table tops.

I walk over to the group and say "I don't know if you ever do tournaments but I have a grand prize for one of you lucky folks." I place the bankers box on one of the seats and pull out the chess set. I set it on a vacant table top and said "have at it!", one of the seniors stops me.

"That is a beautiful chess set, are you sure you want to just give it away?"

"it was a gift, but I'm really not a chess fan. It's all yours."

"Well a few of us here are part of the St Matthews church. We are having the annual Easter raffle, could we include it in the prize draw?"

"Sure if you want to, go right ahead."

"Let me give you a few tickets as a thank you."

I initially want to brush it off but she is already reaching in her bag for the small roll of tickets. "Okay sure. How will I know if I win something?"

"Well you are more than welcome to come to the event if you'd like to, it's this Sunday, but in case you can't we ask everyone to put their name and number on the back of our half of the tickets as a back up."

"No problem, what have I got to lose." I filled out the 5 tickets she gave me and returned them.

"Thank you, enjoy the set." I said.

"I hope to see you there," she looks at the ticket stub "Robert, good luck and God bless!"

I make my way through the park, down a few commercial streets and up to my rancher style home. As I open the door I realize, I no longer have a way to pay the mortgage that I could barely afford in the first place. I bought it at the height of my sales dominance that has since seen a steady decline over the last few years thanks to Steve and Tony. My knees buckle slightly as this all hits me and I all but drop the box to the carpet floor. I managed to shamble my way to the love seat in the living room and lie down facing the back rest cushions. As stress and exhaustion takes over, I fall asleep.

A few hours later I wake up still angry at the whole situation. I decided it would be fun to order a glitter bomb and have it sent to Tony's house. I would send one to Steve but I don't know his address. After doing some research I found a company that has a shipping option that I know the shipper sends a 2 hour warning to let you know the package is close to being delivered. This is great, it means I can stake out his house and watch it happen and in the event he won't be home in time, I can sign for it.

Out of the many options I went with a "standard rainbow popper" . I'm mad but I'm not so mean as to choose the "large extra fine rainbow explosion". I also have to be careful with how I spend my money now that my income is nonexistent.

The next morning I get up and head into the kitchen. I pour myself a big bowl of cereal and plunk down on the love seat. I look over at the bankers box and in my sleepy haze remember my final cheque is in there. I open the box and grab it as well as the notebook. I open my phone and log into my bank account. I deposit the cheque using the photo cheque option and go through my monthly expenses by scrolling down my bank transactions and writing them out in the book.

I have six thousand in the bank and that is enough to cover for two and a half months, a good buffer but still not exactly the most padded of pockets. I have some savings tied into investments but I'd rather not touch that if I can afford it, it is more for retirement than short term. I decide that one week off, no job hunting is probably a good idea just to give myself a breather after years of grind but after that I'll have to hustle to find something to keep me going.

I mostly spend my time watching TV on Saturday and try to unwind. On Sunday I consider stopping by the church but don't remember the name of the place and it isn't on any of the raffle tickets the lady gave me. I don't feel up to investigating which church it was, there are at least five in a 10 block radius and I'm sure all of them have an Easter Sunday event going on. So again I spend my time watching TV and generally laze around.

Monday afternoon I get a notification at 4pm saying my glitter bomb is only 2 hours away. I change out of my three day old clothes into a long sleeve shirt and jeans and take the subway over to Tony's house. I arrive at 5:30, I know he leaves work around 6 and it's about a 20 minute drive so I'll have about an hour to kill. As I hit his block I see the truck pull up and I rush over to him.

"Hey, is that for Tony?"

"Yes it is, caught me just in time, sign here please."

I do my best to copy his signature that I've seen on memos and contracts and take the package, pretending to head around the back door. When the truck leaves the block I walk back around and leave it on his front step and take cover across the street.

At 6:32pm Tony pulls into the driveway, gets out of his car and goes to the front of the house. He picks up the package and goes inside. I cross back over and crouch around the side of his house near the living room. After about ten minutes I hear swears coming from inside the house. I dart over to the large window facing the street that has the curtains opened just enough to see in. I poke my head up to look at Tony, who is covered in rainbow glitter. I try not to laugh as he frantically claws at the glitter caked onto his face and clothes, looking like a guy who is allergic to a pride parade. Tony rips off his dress shirt and suit pants. I duck back down, pull out my phone, raise it up to the window and take a video of him almost naked still wiping his face while cursing loudly to no one.

Grinning widely at my handy work I head back towards home. On the subway I play the video on a loop, laughing to myself at his flailing. However despite how much I loved seeing him stained with glitter, I still don't feel completely satisfied. He deserves more than just a personal attack.

On the way to the station I remember a few YouTube "fails and pranks" compilation channels. Most of them have accounts you can message so I send them a dropbox link from my phone to the video of Tony, asking them to please use it on their channel. It isn't too long before I get replies like "This is great! Glitter bombs are the best! This will definitely go up on the channel, thanks!"

I reach my house, and sure enough I already see the video being posted on several channels with comments like "Damn, he's going to look like he just got back from a drag bar for weeks."

As I'm scrolling through comments, my phone buzzes. It's a number I don't recognize so I let it ring. A few minutes later my phone buzzes again, it's the same number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Robert?" the women on the line asks.

"Speaking." I say in a friendly tone.

"This is Mary from the St Matthew's Catholic Church, sorry for calling twice, I just wanted to make sure you know that you won our Easter 50/50 raffle! Congratulations!"

"I did? Wow, that's amazing! What did I win exactly?"

"$12,783! It's the largest amount we've ever given out."

"What! Aren't you guys just a church?"

"Yes well we are lucky to have lots of members. Easter is our big fundraiser event for the year and we encourage our members to reach outside the church to sell tickets as well and they did a great job this year as you can see." She said finishing with a small chuckle

"I can't believe it, thank you, thank you so much."

"You are very welcome, feel free to stop by this week if you can and we can write out a cheque in that amount for you."

"I'll be there tomorrow morning."

"Sounds great, we are open at 9am, we look forward to seeing you, enjoy the rest of your evening, God bless."

"Thank you, good night." I hang up the phone and after a moment of stunned silence I just about jump into the air with excitement. It looks like the scales are starting to balance back in the right direction. Now that I have a bit more breathing room, a week off seems a bit too short and I start to think of what I can do with the extra money.

I hear Hawaii is supposed to be nice this time of year and Steve has a trip planned for mid-May for a yearly conference, perhaps I can send him a welcome package when I arrive.