Dealing With Chronic Liars

Virtually everyone on planet Earth old enough to form long-term memories has told a lie at least once in their lives. It’s not a good goal to be reached, but no one alive is truly a saint.

When both accountability and responsibility are taken, certain lies can be forgiven quite easily. On top of that - as I’ve covered in a previous article of mine - there are uncommon circumstances where lying is justifiable.

However, chronic and habitual lying is not good. From gaslighting a “loved” one into questioning their sanity to pretending to be faithful to one’s lover when one isn’t, many types of chronic liars won’t be let off the hook that easily upon getting caught. And they shouldn’t. After all, they’ve broken the trust of people who thought they could be relied on.

But how does one go about dealing with a chronic liar? I mean, they’re not hard to find and aren’t always easy to cut out of one’s life. Besides, lying isn’t necessarily the worst of sins. This article will go over some methods for dealing with these jerks.

Please note that I cannot fully guarantee that you will be effective at coping with the tactics of a chronic liar after reading this piece. After all, every situation is different. Nonetheless, I hope this piece will be of at least some use to you.

Power

Not all chronic liars are built and made equal. Some are lowlifes at the bottom of the social hierarchy, others are powerful CEOs and celebrities, and still others are in varying categories in between. Regardless, the societal position of a chronic liar could be very important when it comes to deciding what to do with them.

Let’s say you are an average, middle class Joe or Jane. You are not famous, only having just enough connections and charisma to get hired for a ridiculously bland 9 to 5 office job that makes you enough money to pay your mortgage. While dull, your life is fairly tolerable - even decent - until one day, everything changes.

The company you work at decides to have a complete administration overhaul. As a result, your old boss gets fired and so does the vice president of your department.

They are replaced by two lazy slackers who overwork you to the point of forcing you to even do some of their work and then claim you’re doing nothing when their few superiors get suspicious. These slackers also happen to be very generous with their donations to your workplace due to their wealth.

You have a few options here. You could try to report them to human resources and hope something gets done. Maybe something will - especially if the company starts falling on hard times productivity-wise.

But chances are that your managers are going to get pretty angry at you for righteously trying to take action against them and make your life more miserable. And if they get tipped over the edge…well, let’s just say the company might prefer keeping a huge source of revenue over keeping you.

The point here is that it could very well be risky to confront a chronic liar in power as someone with less status. That doesn’t mean one shouldn’t, though. It’s just harder than retaliating against someone at the bottom.

Going after a powerful person often requires climbing up the hierarchy on your own beforehand. This means making connections and being a generally approachable person. But most importantly, it’s always important to keep one’s integrity. Sacrificing it for temporary gain just isn’t worth it in the long run.

Confrontation

So you’ve decided that it’s safe to confront the liar. Now what?

Well, don’t come at them immediately insinuating that you know they’re lying. This may make them more defensive and unwilling to authentically sustain the conversation with you. I know this all too well from personal experience.

Instead, try asking them simple questions to help unpack their webs of lies. Start small and narrow them down once you’ve picked up more details.

When you have enough information from them to know exactly how their stories aren’t matching, then tell them you feel like something’s contradictory. Depending on the chronic liar, this is frequently the point where they confess.

Perhaps they’ll apologize; maybe they won’t. While demanding an apology from them is unlikely to guarantee a sincere one, you can decide to set boundaries from here. If they don’t, distancing yourself from them as much as possible is likely the best move.

Depending on the scope and nature of the chronic liar’s lies, warning others about them may be needed. Think of situations like scamming or even secretly being abusive. Regardless, remember to get your own story straight about them to ensure people trust you.

…

Chronic liars are a pain to deal with. But with the right tools, it can be possible to break free from their chains.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

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