Battle of Life

life is a Battle

People change when priorities change. I learned that personally. At this point in my life, I have noticed that I don’t have many friends or families around me... Friends come and go, and families go far away from where we don’t see them anymore. Priorities change when you start seeing who is more important, what is more significant, and how many responsibilities we have in life. Some people learn this sooner in life, and some take a little longer. I personally think that I had some duties to begin with. Still, I didn’t know how many responsibilities I will have later in life. Now my priorities changed, and I see I have lost a lot of friends and families.

Relationships are meant to be faithful to each other and being there for each other. My life had lots of up and down, I don’t share much, but things have changed a lot this past year. I have always valued every relationship I had, but this one was different. Different because when you are hopeless, heartbroken and almost giving up on pretty much everything. Then right there, someone enters your life and makes you feel like you’re worth something.

Everyday battle of life and then someone shows you this bright light full of future hopes. You fall for that. I did too. I fell, and this time fell really hard, hard enough to feel the inner pain, pain that no one can see, pain that only I can feel, the pain of not knowing why it had to happen again. I was ok when I was losing hope. I was ok when I didn’t want to go on with any relationship, but why did it happen. Now I am so deep in it that as much as I want this pain to go away, it doesn’t go away; it gets worst and worst. My heart breaks into pieces every second, every minute, but I can express it enough for someone to even notice. I didn’t choose to be in this much pain; as much as I try, I can’t get out; I am too deep into it. Everything that I have, I clearly see it drafting away.

Letting Go!!!

Falling for you was one of the easiest things I've ever done. I will always be glad for you — for the way you came around and showed me that the kind of man I didn't believe in does exist, for the way you held me in the dark and kissed me in the light of day, for the way you kept me safe and let me be wild. But it's time I think I should let go because after what I said last night and the way you ignored me and then texting me in the morning like nothing happened, and then not showing up all day to even make things better between us. But before we go our separate ways, I would like to share my thoughts and feelings...

I trusted you like no one else. My body leaned you. Next to you, I slept: soundly, deeply, comfortably. It was unfamiliar and welcome. You made me start to believe in possibilities I'd entirely closed myself off to, as you would carefully suggest that you might want them yourself. I began to rethink. I started to re-imagine. You made me realize I didn't want to wrap myself around anyone else but you.

For what it's worth, to me, you were always a yes. If I'd had more confidence, you felt the same; I probably would've said those words without hesitation and hurled myself headlong into the thing I had worked so very hard to avoid. Every part of me wanted you.

I adored you, utterly and without reservation. I didn't think you could possibly feel the same way.

Please believe me when I say that I let go, but I didn't give up on you. That was never an option. But hurting me because you didn't have the energy to do right wasn't an option either, and it started becoming apparent.

I had to stop chasing your love because you no longer wanted me or loved me.

I learned so much from you and the collision of us. It broke my heart open in all the best and worst ways. I'm a better human because of you and the shit we accidentally put each other through, and the moments of incredible tenderness you showed me.

You were the first man who had an iron will to be with me and the only one who made it OK for me to be with you.

I attempted to solidify my rationalizations in this letter, but I know just how badly I failed. There will never be a set of perfect words that can lessen the pain of a separation or a rejection.

Mom always told me never to make decisions I'd regret. I can't tell you with confidence that I followed her rule this time; I could only hope I did. Because I'm honestly, madly, deeply in love with you, and letting you go is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Trust me, I can't bear to imagine living without you.

As I struggle to end this letter, just as I continue to struggle with the thought of letting you go, only two phrases come to my mind Thank you, and I'm sorry I can't do it anymore. You just don't see what I want.

To be Continued...