Are We a Couple or Are We Just Living Together?

"Love is not a lifetime insurance, it is an adventure that involves all possible risks." J.SALOME

It's six o'clock in the morning. This watch kills any dream. Both literally and figuratively. I extend my hand to my right without opening my eyes and it's there.

I know every crease that the pillow leaves on her face according to the way she bends it to prolong her night. Each with his night. We've known each other since high school. Since then he has been feeding on illusions.

I take a deep breath and try to get over the gloom of the moment. I'll turn on the radio… he'll save the atmosphere. That's what he always does - it's a drug. Is he the drug, or is it just my gestures? The tiles are a bit cold, everything is a bit cold.

Last year when I felt so cold, it was like we were celebrating our birthday. Is it already 7 years old? It's like writing on last year's pictures. I'll get him something nice. It will come as a surprise anyway. He must have forgotten.

This year we can also go out with friends. So maybe we have something to talk about. We've been together enough for the holidays. Together? How weird it sounded. Who is directing this movie?

The couple, more than a He and a She

Experts tell us that to be able to talk about the existence of a couple, we must find between the two the proof of its manifestations "together" in all possible human forms: actions together, communication, plans, similarities and differences, completions… and all this in a space in which the two can feel free enough, a personal space in which they can manifest.

The couple, in a state of blindness, settled in love

"Love is blind!" a truism of course. But how many of us have not been struck by the stinging truth he hides. Unfortunately or fortunately in a relationship, we are on the road from a slight state of opacity to reality. Yes yes, I'm talking about that period that we call love and in which everything can be described in its extraordinary shades, very good, perfect, amazing.

But what remains of the couple after the period of love passes and things, in one way or another, learn to settle down? There are two directions at this time: the passion from the beginning can be transformed into a deeper feeling, more settled by love or we can encounter situations in which after the passion has gone out, there is nothing left.

Then each one tends to find another partner with whom to relive the same starting state.

Adaptation to society gives birth to slaves of convenience

There are also couples that we can call, slightly forced, "blasé", in the sense that they become slaves to routine, to habit. This is more the case in traditionalist couples, who pay close attention to age-related prejudices, the expectations of others to have a family and a partner.

Then the two indulge in a state that cannot be defined as a couple. It is a partnership, a coexistence between two people who go under the pressure of the social image they want to impose, they become a social couple, a couple of conveniences.

Love ends in the arms of habit

The signs that we are dealing with an acute state of habit are simple and within the reach of any observer: we forget the date we met, we forget the birthday of our partner or the preferences of the other, there is a lack of need to do new things together, to pay attention to how the other person sees us.

The tendency to let go appears as a result of the disappearance of the interest, but not of the interest for one's person, but the interest for the way the other person perceives us. Safety in the couple is also part of the habit. Habit is one of the enemies of the emotional part of the couple leading to a state of flattening.

No matter how sure you are about the other person's love, the emotional side of a couple must always be stimulated, constantly maintained. Affection in the couple, the state of love is an attitude that manifests itself. If the other is not stimulated, this attitude ceases to manifest.

The state of a couple, the mirror of the affection between the two

A relationship that works only out of inertia cannot be beneficial. It is the beginning of the end of a relationship. Inertia, routine, habit are, in fact, alarm signals that warn that something is wrong between the two. A couple is like a living organism that needs to be fed. How does he feed? From the attitude of the two.

A routine relationship shows the emotional state of the two partners. The condition of a couple is the mirror of the two partners. On the other hand, nothing that happens in the relationship is related to one or the other. The state of affairs of a relationship is the result of the attitude of the two and the interaction between them.

How do we fight the habit in the couple?

• Communicate your moods, needs, desires, problems. If you do not communicate, the person next to you can only assume and this assumption may not be in line with what you feel in those moments.

• Fall in love again. Outside the bedroom, you need to find time for each other. If you are bored, the other person may be the same. Add a little good mood to your life.

• Make small gestures for your partner, small joys that will enlighten his life and that will make him realize that he is loved. The little things matter.

• Be supportive! To move forward you need to make sure that the positive things are in balance with the negative ones.

• Joke to get over conflict situations. Humor is helpful when things get out of hand.

• Seek the help of a marriage counselor if you feel you can no longer control your relationship. Talk to a specialist, with whom you can find solutions to continue the relationship.

• Flirt! According to researchers, flirting leads to the appearance of oxytocin - the hormone of happiness, which creates the tingling state felt in moments of love. So flirt with the postman, the plumber, etc., telling sexy jokes, blinking your eyelashes, all in the name of science !!!

• Hug, not necessarily thinking about sex. Just hug. Usually, this state of boredom also occurs in sexual intercourse. And for that you have to be inventive, exercise (cycling on weekends - this increases blood flow in all blood vessels, including the genitals).

• Watch not only erotic movies, but also thriller movies. Fear and desire are located in the same area of ​​the brain, and activation is very easy.

• And take care of your health. Smoking, alcohol consumption, irrational eating, sedentary lifestyle lead to decreased blood flow and, implicitly, to a state of sleepiness, laziness, boredom.