And.........BOOM!

Hello. I’m Rebecca Ann. I have stories in my head to tell, thoughts to get out, and maybe some clarity in there to be set free. I have loved journaling since I was little because I feel that I can get things out better in writing than in spoken words. I have always loved reading, and my inner creative self comes out when I free write....which just means, smoke a little....write a lot.

The following entry, I hope can help someone, or at LEAST, entertain 🙃 It’s about friendship and love, marriage and the inevitable. And a deeper human connection than previously thought possible.

I give you..... BOOM....and there it is.

Well..... finally we told him. Finally we made it into something real. Finally. We can be out, real, and sinfully happy

It started in October 2019. We became friends because of my dog PaulieRose....and a love of his schnauzer, Murphy. Then it evolved into something..... else....something seeemingly unrealistically good even. So open and real with no judgements....I felt so, so... free. I was opened up to new things, places, feelings and a closeness I’ve never felt with anyone. Amazing chemistry. Amazing friendship......just, amazing. Where had he been?! .....he makes my heart soar and my mind wonder. Yearning for more in every day. Everything I never knew I loved, or wanted, Things and places I’ve never known, and an amazing openness to happiness and living life to the fullest. Such a positive energy and a genuine human being. Was I this lucky? 🍀

I’ve been married since 2014. I loved my husband.... love. When I met him I felt grounded. I felt secure. But something was always off that I couldn’t put my finger on. He had helped me in so many ways, made me see myself clearly, helped me understand....or did he?

I lost it after a family “vacation”. I knew it was done for me, when things were said and done that no one can take back. You can’t forget. You can’t forgive. I’d lost “that feeling”. I was devastated....but I still tried. Desperately tried. Then I met him. My Sir ❤️

He lives 3 doors down, has for years.

He is an amazing human. We started off, well. I was married..... thought it was just a random thing. And it was.... then it evolved into something deeper and I couldn’t be more at ease and loved and I can’t feel safe. No judgements. Acceptance and love. He’s my best friend. We are open, honest, true. I pity anyone who doesn’t have at least this in their life.....a deeper love and respect.

The night we finally told my husband, he insisted on being there with me..... and he told my husband how deep our connection was, and that he loved me. BOOM.

Did I mention I had kids as well? That’s stories for another time. But the point is.....my husband left me that night and he took my little with him. His dog, his hedgehog..... and most of his things. I of course was upset...at the time I thought I was in shock...... But now I realize that it was a feeling of , well a feeling of relief washed over me and I felt free. Was it real? What now.......I knew it was the best thing to happen, not just for me....but for all.

I of course deal with feelings of guilt. And when I’m alone in my house, I feel the panic of the silence and the chaos of thoughts swirling in my head. Then that relief.....the free..... I’m ok.

My husband is angry. Bitter and resentful OF COURSE HE IS. .....but deep in that beautiful genius of his mind.....I think that deep down, he knew and knows the truth. I set all of us free..

Now for the healing. Another story for another day.