A story to Teenage me

Growing up I had a mother who stayed home and looked after my four siblings and I. My father worked every day except the weekends. I remember my childhood as happy, full of great memories that I cherish today and until the day I pass away and most of all I was thankful that I had a mother, father and siblings that loved me, and I loved them. I remember my father coming home every night, watching the news, and telling us to keep it down as he could not hear the television. I still laugh about it to this day.

Dear me as a teenager,

Sitting here today I think back to when you just turned thirteen and you were in High School. You had bad acne that was all over your face which did not help your self esteem at all. You got teased all the time about it. You were to shy to speak up. You just went to school, did your schoolwork, come home, and do your homework, and then cry about it before going to sleep. You also rebelled against your mother and father by running away just down the street when things got hard because you did not know what to do. Trust me my thirteen-year-old self we got through that and came out stronger than ever before. Our skin has cleared up, a few blemishes but that is nothing make-up can not fix. Though some days we do not wear it. We are able to stand up to people now, the voice we thought we did not have is there we just did not know how to use it.

Fourteen-year-old me, well this year was a hard year for us. Even now I look back and think that if we just spoke up. You started dance class at High School. We loved to dance. To this day we still love to dance. But you always compared yourself to the other girls, how they looked, how they dressed, and how they could dance. This on top of getting teased your mental health went downhill very fast. Mid of that year we were diagnosed with depression. You would sit in that room of yours crying and listening to music. You only came out when you had to. You went on to medication, it made you feel so sick, but you had to take it. Your school days were half days. But we pulled through until we were back at school every day and having full days at school again. Now almost fifteen years later we still have our down days, we still want to crawl into a ball and cry. But now we do not take medication for it anymore. We have found ways to deal with it. You go the gym now, write our feelings down on a phone or on paper.

Fifteen-year-old me, this was your hardest year yet girl, we went through so much this year and we did not think we could get through this at all. We lost mum on our winter holiday; she was sick with what we thought was just a simple flu. It was not but we will not go into that. It was the hardest time of our life, we had four younger siblings to look after, you had to be strong the, and most of all we had to be there for our siblings. Our nan she watched her daughter pass and seeing her so upset was hard, seeing dad like he was, was heart breaking. Nan would pass away ten years and two week after mum passed away. You could have taken the first week of school off when school went back, but you did not take it off. You went to school even though you wanted to run and run far away. You were hurting and you did not know how to handle all this emotion you had, all the emotions coming at once. We got through this; mum has been gone fourteen years this year. We will always remember her as a kind, selfless, loving person. Actually, there are too many words describe how beautiful and loving she was. How she was always there for us, how she gave us the childhood she never really had. But we will always believe that she is looking down on us.

To my later teenage self, let's start with you being sixteen. Well, you had been dating a guy since you were fifteen. He was there through mum passing. He was amazing. But you had not dealt with the grieve of mum and you would feel sick every day and miss school days. Before you turned seventeen you moved in with your boyfriend and his family. Things at home felt toxic but we do not need to go there now. You loved it, you loved him and soon you moved to another state. You missed your family though and friends. You went back home when you were eighteen, well for your eighteenth. But we soon came back later that year. Our teenage years were hard, but we got through it and are stronger than ever.

Now, you have three beautiful children that are growing up, engaged to the boy you met at fifteen. Soon to get married. Will we have another baby? I am not sure; I want to begin my career as a teacher and then we will see. After all that hard traumatising things that happened. We are blessed with healthy children and a man that loves us, you as who you are.

We know now we can get through anything,

From you years later xxx