A letter to the boy I loved..

It's been a while since Iv felt your skin against mine. It's been a while since Iv seen that look in your eye. It's been a while since I have opened up. You know me I was like an open book. I was sucked in by the vibe, never really notice all the pain you kept inside. Over and over I just wanted you to let me in. Let me take care of you, I swear it's a win. I thought I was actually getting somewhere but it's like every wall I knocked down you were busy building a new one.

Also, the truth was very clear although I didn't want to except just wanted to redirect it and hope something would change, maybe you'd see something different then me other then trying to run game. It seems like we have been through a lot within a short amount of time, but yet I'm the only one who got feelings about it and man to be honest it wasn't even a waste of time. Everyone gets tried of being broken inside and you ain't helping the pain.

Running around screaming fuck these bitches and how you sure enough don't give a damn about me. So what's it gonna be...? All lies, broken trust, a broken heart, some songs and "empathy"? The feelings that I at least thought we both felt? Nah, that's all history. A mystery, a piece that's missing from me. Yo side of the story, which I'd still like to hear. Cause before it was so natural and airy but now it's like its a chore and it gets type scary. Cause I think about loosing that bit of feeling that made me happy. You, your smile this feeling that's grown wild. Unbearable at that cause my mind is stuck on you like the way a little fat boy thinks about food. Constantly and all the time.

I always felt I wasn't good enough for you but, maybe it's true cause you never told me I wasn't even just a little bit worth it. knew I didn't want to be alive at times and some how you still mange to make me feel imperfect. I'm not gonna lie you comforted me when no one else was around. Made me smile when I was down. How can everything change so rapidly. No consideration for the girl that would give her last to you. So are we playing a game of cards, one minute I'm winning and we just playing for your heart. I keep thinking to myself just let it be and flow the melody as I did in the beginning.

These feelings are all so new to me, and it's crazy. My feelings haven't changed since the first time I realized I liked you, in fact it started off as small as a point of pin. Then it grew into the size of a basketball.. man I'm good at playing pretend. I said I would be find with having some fun. Over time it was more then fun to me. It's my fault though cause I let myself fall, despite how you felt. Like I said the actions never matched. Mixed signals and wrong turns, just need a map to figure out the directions to your love. I'm sure it's somewhere deep within inside of you. Your feelings that you keep tucked away.

Lately, it hurts to see you walk away. Reminds me I wasn't good enough to keep around, to be the one that picks you up when your down. To hold you when your in pain and make sure you know that if know one else got you that at least you knew you had me.. So this is the end? Do I really have to say goodbye? I wanna meet you again in my lifetime. I wanna see you again. It may not be my place but I wanna see your growth as a man.

Cause I see the potential that you could carry. A strong black man with so much pride and respect for himself. It's so many reasons why I don't wanna walk away but It hurts me more to see the love that you'll never have for me within someone else. So little heart of mine it's time to let go. Yeah it's another story that can be told but you will get through this. Until then I wish you nothing but love and the best my friend, Love always Netavia ….