A Letter to My Kidneys

Dear Kidneys,

This letter comes from a place of deep gratitude, even as we walk through a challenging journey together. Though you may feel like you're faltering, I want you to know how much I appreciate you for the lessons you've taught me, even in your struggle.

I can't believe it's been over a year and half since I found out I had end stage renal failure. It was such a shock as you were suffering silently. I'm sorry I ignored your pleas, but they were soft, in my defense.

Thank you for showing me the importance of self-care and rest. Through you, I’ve learned that pushing myself too hard comes at a cost, and that caring for my body isn’t just a task—it’s an act of love and respect. You’ve reminded me that my well-being is the foundation upon which I can show up for myself and for others.

I worked so hard and didn't take the time to do things that might have prevented the inevitable. Had I seen a doctor, I might have known. Instead, I kept on working and working until I couldn't work anymore. I just kept telling myself that I was just tired and I needed more rest. But, it was much more than that looking back. You were probably failing in the early 2000's. I can see that now.

You’ve also taught me the value of balance. In a world that often pushes us to give more, do more, and be more, you’ve reminded me that health and harmony must come first. Through your quiet struggle, I’ve come to understand that ignoring my limits isn’t a sign of strength but rather an invitation to burnout.

And burnout I did. Back in 2008, I burned out. I was trying to write short stories, poems, and novels, but I hit a plateau and I've been trying to come out ever since.

Perhaps the greatest gift you’ve given me is the clarity to see what truly matters: my family, my friends, and the irreplaceable connections that make life rich and meaningful. You’ve reminded me not to take these relationships for granted and to cherish every moment of love, laughter, and support. In teaching me to slow down, you’ve given me the chance to appreciate these blessings more deeply.

After my mom passed in 2022, I became closer to my brother. Our relationship had been awkward over the years, but I reached out with an olive branch and he did the same. We take daily walks in the afternoon and I appreciate that every day.

My dad has become a huge supporter of monitoring my health and making sure I do all that I need to do to be healthy. I don't know what I would do without him so I hope he stays healthy too.

Finally, you’ve shown me that health is a gift—not something to take lightly, but something to nurture and honor. As I continue to navigate this path with you, I promise to carry these lessons forward: to listen to my body, to rest when needed, and to hold space for gratitude, even in the midst of challenges.

And there are often challenges.

Thank you, dear kidneys, for all that you’ve done and all that you continue to teach me. Your struggle has become my guide, and through it, I am learning to live more mindfully, intentionally, and lovingly. I’m grateful for every lesson and every reminder that I am stronger than I think. Together, we’ll move forward with hope, care, and grace.

With love and gratitude,

Jocelyn

P.S. Can you send some good vibes to the future kidney that will be inside me someday?