5 Smart Exit Strategies For When Can't Afford To Leave Your Partner

Wouldn't it be easy if we could walk out of a relationship, just like that, when everything became desperate?

That's life, though. Things aren't that easy.

I remember that when I wanted to break up with my ex. We were living together and for a short time, I didn't have anywhere to go if we did break up. 

Sure, I could get a hotel room for a night, but that wasn't a sustainable option. I didn't have the money.

We were sharing the rent, too. I couldn't afford to find somewhere on my own. In some ways, I was emotionally stuck. 

But more so, I was financially stuck. All my money was tied up in the relationship. Walking out, starting again, wasn't that possible.

My story isn't a special one. I'm not special. 

And that's probably the most tragic thing at all. At some point, you or someone you know will go through their life stuck in a relationship because they can't afford to get out of it.

There isn't a foolproof way of getting out of this situation. Again, I know this first hand. But there are five approaches you can take to shifting money and getting what you need to part ways with your partner.

Here they are.

Approach #1: Get saving 

I hate comparing leaving your partner with going on holiday, but the same approach applies. 

In some situations, you have to save money before you can approach breaking up or going through with the conversation. Or make your unapologetic ghosting exit your relationship requires.

This is like any saving situation; you need careful planning. You need to work through the following:

• How much money do you need to leave - Do you need rent, fuel money, aeroplane tickets, moving trucks? How much are you going to need to make the first step and then survive until you can establish yourself? Don't forget the often unseen necessities we commonly overlook in a breakup. These are the cost of living (utility bills), furniture and any associated legal fees.
• How much can you save - Sometimes, you can only earn so much money. And other times, there is only so much money you can put away that doesn't go to your existing cost of living. Having a budget allows you to see where you can save and put money away. Luxury items and non-essentials you buy for yourself are common items you can sacrifice without making your partner suspicious.
• How can you hide the money from your partner - Speaking of suspicion, you can't tell your partner you're saving to leave. That starts a conversation that won't end well. How do you plan to keep the money aside without knowing about it? Can you have a separate bank account? Do you need to keep it in cash? Does someone else, like your boss, need to keep money aside for you?

Come up with your saving plan and execute it. If you have to make drastic changes to your spending, don't do it all at once. 

Again, it's a way of flagging an imminent change to your partner.

Approach #2: Side hustling

Sometimes, you're never going to earn enough money to save up to leave. Or if you do, it's going to take you a decade before you have enough.

That's nothing to feel ashamed about. That's life and in this situation, we need to embrace our situation and find an alternative.

A practical alternative is a side hustle. If you have particular and in-demand skills you can freelance, this is a way for you to make money without your partner knowing.

The following are side hustles that require little start-up (and are easy to hide from your partner):

• Anything you can sell from a computer - Digital downloads, for example, are something you can create online and then sell. You don't have to have a room in your house stocked with products, just a USB stick and your login into your store and design suite.
• Anything you can complete from a computer - Writing, editing, and proofreading are all great freelancing jobs you can do online. And without anyone noticing. And if your partner becomes suspicious, you can say it's something you're doing for your day job. Or extra training your boss needs you to complete.
• Anything you can do outside of the house - If you can get a few hours babysitting or dog walking, and your partner doesn't know, then you can make some cash easily. Again, it's not like you have a room full of stock they're going to find about.

Approach #3: Ask someone for the money

When I was stuck in my relationship, I didn't think to ask someone else for the money. I was proud, too proud, and thought I could get out of it all on my own.

This wasn't smart, not asking for help. It kept me trapped in a situation I could have exited with one or two awkward conversations.

Borrowing money can be a contentious problem between people you know. I know some friends and family who don't believe in borrowing money. They're still waiting for someone from ten years ago to pay them back. 

And they assume everyone will take the same approach. For those people, you might not get any sympathy.

But most people, even with that history, will help you escape your relationship. 

There is borrowing money for luxury items. And then there's money to save your life. The two are very different things.

Approach #4: Support people

And if someone can't lend or give you the money, they might be able to give you shelter. With shelter, you can take some of the more costly items off your savings list. 

Rent, utilities and furniture are some of those items, especially when you're starting from scratch.

Leaning on someone else also gives you some much-needed emotional support. 

Having someone else make that transition easier is worth the uncomfortable conversation about asking for help, too.

Sometimes, asking a person for refuge seems impossible. You wouldn't know who to ask. Or you assume anyone you do ask will say no (much like the money scenario). 

Whilst I can't predict who will help and who won't, you don't know until you ask.

Often, the refuge will come from the most unlikely people, too.

Approach #5: Get what you're entitled to

For so many relationships, you can leave sooner than you think. You have the money, perhaps not in your hands straight away. 

But because of the type of relationship you have, there is money there for you.

In marriage and common law marriages, it's possible for you to get half of what you have now. You could get:

• Half the worth of the house
• Half the worth of a car, furniture and all major ticket items in your home
• Half your collective savings, earnings and investments

Don't assume that because you're not the one with the money or access to it, you aren't entitled. 

It's important you find out what the situation is for you before you make any drastic decisions. With the help of support people, if you need it, seek:

• Advice from a lawyer - Who can advise what your legal rights are in your situation
• Advice from your accountant - Who might be able to tell you of any assets or wealth you didn't know about
• Advice from a financial planner - Someone who can help set you up a contingency plan or budgeting for the future

I'm not going to pretend I'm getting this right

These approaches might not work for you. I'm sorry if you've tried them and they didn't help. I sincerely wish they would. 

Sometimes only time and patience are all you have to lean on until this situation betters.

I know that isn't of any use to you right now, especially when leaving the relationship is more of a necessity than a want. But I don't want you to give up on finding an exit path.

You will find it; you're resourceful, smart and savvy. And you want this for yourself. A better life. It will happen, I promise you.

You've got this.

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