The Perfect Day

Every so often, I'm abruptly reminded of the differences between Neurotypical and Neurodivergent people.

At work today, I stuck my head into the back office in an attempt to track down where the Nurse had vanished to, and interrupted a comparisson of what the Psychologist, Exercise Physiologist, and Team Manager's perfect day would look like.

They agreed on the broad strokes of sleeping in and that no work would be involved, but disagreed on what they'd have for breakfast, when they'd exercise, and what fun activities they'd do. Then they asked me what my perfect day would look like.

Little did they know that I'd dedicated extensive Primary School hours to this question, while desperately disassociating from an overwhelming environment. My answer was easy: "A day where I can do whatever I feel like in the moment."

No pressure of having to plan out whether I have the ingredients for what I want to eat, no commitments that I'd have to remind myself to keep, no goal objectives that need to be met, no wondering how to stretch my paycheck to cover these perfect day activities, no Task Inertia that makes me feel guilty for not finishing something I've started...

Of course, this hypothetical perfect day also runs into the problem of Adult Humans trying to get their schedules to like up without actively blocking out the calendar and taking time off work, but apparently that wasn't the confusing part for the rest of my office.

My manager, who is a lovely guy, but very neurotypical and very male, tried to re-explain it. "Yeah, but what kind of activities would you do? What would you eat? If you could do anything at all, what would it be?"

I was abruptly re-reminded of the difference between neurotypical and neurospicy brains, because for me, planning anything means breaking down everything into the necessary steps.

That means

• double checking alarms the night before in order to wake up on time,
• actually getting out of bed when my alarm says so,
• dressing appropriately, including packing extra clothing it the various activities require different clothes
• at least two different possible methods of travel to the first activity
• how to get to each subsequent acticity, using each of the previously established travel mothods
• how anyone who I am doing the activity with is going to be getting there, and back-up plans if they run into trouble
• back-up activities if the weather doesn't co-operate, the movie is no longer showing or is sold out, the cafe is too busy and turns into a sensory nightmare, whatever else could go wrong
• how everyone involved is getting home afterward
• last but not least, will this day perfect day of activities affect my energy levels and ability to do things the following day, or do I also need to schedule in a recovery day for myself?

In the same moment, I also realise that there is no way I can explain all of that in the short time before I have to be back at my desk to assure the impatient people in the waiting room that yes, they will be seen shortly. "Whatever I feel like in the moment; that's the whole point."

No planning, no expectations that get ruined if it doesn't pan out exactly as it's supposed to, no worrying about if I can spare the time or money or resources or energy to do the thing...

Just a day where I can do whatever I want to do, when I want to do it.

If I want to sleep, I can sleep. If I want to get up and do something on impulse, I can do that too. If I want to go for a walk, or have a cheat day from my GP-recommended 30 minutes of exercise, I can do that.

Perfection looks different to everyone, and you don't have to understand it to let someone else enjoy their perfect day, whatever that looks like.