5 Eye-Opening Reasons for Why You Feel Awkward Around Others

My whole life I have struggled with never really fitting in. I often felt awkward around others and thought they tried to avoid me and didn't want to be friends. And even though this made me feel uneasy, it never got that far that I avoided social situations because of it, until recently.

I used to not be scared to walk up to people and introduce myself, and soon enough I would be part of the conversation with interesting stories about my life. As long as I did what people expected me to do, I was fine. I got invited to many parties because I loved drinking and was the last one going home. I lost friends easily, but I quickly made new ones too.

If any awkward situation arose, I would simply walk away and display my behavior somewhere else. Maybe it had to do with my narcissistic traits, but I never questioned the fact that I could make people feel awkward simply with my presence.

Is it me or them?

Now the tables have completely turned though, and I hate trying to fit in. I don't want to pretend to be likable to people that I don't even like myself. I would rather avoid any social gathering and be alone than try to be someone I am not. This however results in even more awkwardness when I do need to be social.

I guess I could blame it on being forced to look in the mirror after a toxic relationship, and seeing my own toxicity. It made me look deeply into my own shadows and reflect on my behavior.

The result however is that it changed me completely as a person, and now I often even feel social anxiety around a lot of people - even my own friends. I sense that people are avoiding me, and they try to close conversations as quickly as possible.

And when you start to feel anxious, that's the moment when social awkwardness can turn into a problem, according to Healthline.

Social anxiety can display itself in the following signs:

- spending a lot of time wondering if you've done something wrong

- frequently having trouble in social situations

- wanting to make friends but struggling to connect with others

- feeling rejected by others

It took me a while to understand what had happened. What did I do wrong to not get invited anymore to parties? Why did people walk away from me in social settings?

Especially since I felt that I worked a lot on myself, I didn't get why I was feeling lonelier by the day. I discovered that my earlier awkwardness was caused by my narcissistic dad, but why was I still feeling so awkward now?

Being more spiritual and in tune with myself

One part of me that changed a lot was the fact that I was getting more mindful. I meditated daily, watched a lot of videos about consciousness, and read a lot of spiritual articles.

I stopped enjoying going to parties and didn't want to put alcohol in my body anymore. Only that fact alone made me lose a lot of friends since I used to be the last one at every party and always up for spontaneous adventures.

It made me realize that my friendships had been very shallow all this time. When the one thing that connected us (to party) fell away, awkwardness around them returned.

Since I was in a state of inner reflection, I tried to look for answers inside of myself.

Why did I feel this way? What could I do differently to not be perceived as awkward? How could I change my behavior to stop these uneasy feelings?

The answer is within the cure

I came to the conclusion that my awkwardness is not something to be ashamed of. It is part of me for a reason and not something I should reject or avoid.

After all, there are also positive explanations for why you are feeling awkward around people:

1. You've changed into a better person

If you are suddenly feeling awkward around old friends and this is a new feeling for you, then it's most likely because you've changed a lot. You don't resonate with your old self anymore, and that is the person who your friends knew as well. You try to be that version of yourself, but it just makes you look inauthentic.

Being anything else than who you really are, causes awkwardness. People sense that you are trying to be someone you are not (anymore) and they avoid that. So don't be ashamed of who you became, maybe it's just time to make other friends who do want to get to know the new you!

2. You see the truth in people

This might be a result of seeing the truth in yourself first. If you get to see underneath all the layers of the conditioning that most of us grow up with, you will also see the same conditioning in others.

For example, people tell you about their newly achieved promotion, and all you see is how it will drain them even more. You might ask why they wanted that promotion in the first place - do they need more money? Shouldn't they be spending more time with their family?

Of course, it's not up to you to make assumptions about anybody else's life, and it's great to celebrate others' successes. But sometimes you can just see that people are making the wrong choices based on the wrong reasons.

Often, the truth will make others feel uncomfortable. Most people are really afraid to look at their own unsustainable behavior, and the result is that they will avoid people like you.

They know you see the truth behind their masks, and they are not willing to give up their comfort.

3. You made choices that people are secretly jealous about

Here's an awkward fact: many people wish they live(d) their life differently. A lot of us feel stuck, and we think we are unable to change things around (and some really can't change things due to their circumstances). A person like you who did make certain choices at some point, can either inspire others or make them feel worse about themselves.

When the latter is the case, those people will probably not want to spend time with you. You directly reflect what they always wanted to do, but don't feel capable of.

The result is that you feel awkward around them because you sense that you make them uncomfortable with your choices. It's not that you disapprove of their lives, it's that they disapprove of their own lives that causes this awkwardness.

Just remember it's not up to you to change people, though. Be wary of not judging others just because they don't have the capability to make certain choices.

4. You recognize bad intentions

Have you ever met somebody super-friendly but you immediately get a pit in your stomach when you are around them? You tell yourself it must be you since everybody speaks very fond of them. But something just doesn't sit right when you spend time with them.

It took me a long time to accept this reason of why I am feeling awkward around people. I always blamed my awkwardness on myself and thought I had to change.

But some people really have bad intentions, even though that's the opposite of what they try to emit. They are only nice because they can get something out of you. If either one of you realizes that you see straight through them, this can be a reason to feel very awkward.

Just try to trust your intuition when faced with a person like this - it's there for a reason.

5. You internalize external awkwardness in yourself

Feeling awkward is contagious. When one person feels awkward, the other one most likely feels it as well. So even if you are acting completely normal, you still might feel awkward around certain people, simply because they feel awkward.

It is very human to project our feelings onto other humans. Maybe you already think that you are going to be awkward, so one awkward moment makes the whole situation awkward. If the other person then also feels that awkwardness, you have two people who project those feelings onto each other.

There might be nothing wrong at all, but two people struggling with feeling awkward, most likely makes the awkwardness worse.

Just know it's completely normal to feel awkward sometimes, it's actually a good thing that you can assess an uncomfortable situation correctly!

Your awkwardness can be your best ally

Once I realized that feeling awkward around others totally serves a purpose, I immediately started feeling less awkward. Instead of trying to change it, I trust my intuition now that I have an uneasy feeling for a reason.

Most of the time it's something outside of me that causes the awkwardness. I still look closely at my own behavior, but being authentic is often the best solution. Not everyone is going to like me, the same as I don't like every person either that crosses my path.

I have a lot fewer friends now, but also a lot deeper connections with the friends that I do have. They really know me, and they know that I struggle with awkwardness sometimes. The fact that I'm honest about it, makes me actually more likable.

When your awkwardness becomes a social problem

I am aware of the fact that some people feel so incredibly awkward all the time that it interferes with their daily life. Some can't even go grocery shopping because of it. If you feel this is you, know there are things you can do about it.

It is most likely a self-esteem thing, and you can work on that. Everybody deserves to be liked and feel included, and we all have positive sides that are worthy to be brought to light.

You might want to look into self-love first, as this is where all healing starts.