3 Qualities That Make Men Irresistibly Attractive to Women

If I had a dollar for every time a man said, “she’s out of my league,” or “she can’t go for a man like me,” I would be the richest girl in the world.

The metric we use to judge others is one we judge ourselves.

Imagine a well-groomed man walking in with a lady that couldn’t care less for her looks or a gorgeous lady with a man who looks nothing like her. We find it odd. We assume they’re mismatched and even suspect one is in it for sinister reasons.

But when we see a man with a six-pack, a bulging wallet, and massive muscly arms paired with a woman who looks like a model — perky breasts, taut stomach, and pretty face. We automatically assume they are well matched. They’re meant-to-be.

We find the former weird and the latter acceptable because we’ve sold the story that one must fit a specific mold to be attractive.

Truth is none of it is true.

Just look at Instagram, Facebook, and even YouTube; they’re all filled with relationships dramas of couples we deem perfect for each other. A U.K.-based Marriage Foundation found that celebrities have a divorce rate of 40% within ten years. At the same time, The average divorce rate of Hollywood celebrities is 52%.

This points to the reality that as much as eye candy is irresistible, it doesn’t sustain a relationship; quality does. Here are three qualities that make men irresistibly attractive.

#1. Confidence

About three years ago, I was invited to a friend’s 35th birthday party; it was filled to the brim. In a sea of gorgeous people, one man stood out for me. He had a magnetic presence. Something was intriguing about his demeanor.

Unlike everyone fighting for the spotlight and speaking louder than each other, he sat silently in his chair, listening attentively and speaking when necessary. His mannerism was a whiff of assuredness that demanded everyone’s full attention; I, too, couldn’t help but be drawn to him.

Why?

Despite being in a wheelchair, he had the self-confidence of a six-foot basketball player. His confidence showed in his poise and style. It reeled me in that I found myself Googling him and wanted to know more. Years later, this attraction and insatiable curiosity hasn’t waned one bit.

What was it about him?

Oh, I can tell you, he found the secret of true confidence. True confidence comes from within. And a sense of self shaped by others is a fragile one. We can’t build confidence on fragile grounds; it has to come from within.

We’re often made to believe confidence suddenly arises once you fix your teeth, get those abs or lose that weight. This isn’t the case confidence is a mindset. They don’t know if they keep looking for solutions in the wrong place. What use is toned abs and perfect teeth when you’re insecure about talking to women?

The baby elephant syndrome confidence explains it.

It is the nature of elephants to roam free. Elephants living in captivity are taught to curb their instincts through psychological warfare. A baby elephant is tied to a tree with a strong rope or a chain every night. When he instinctively tries to break the rope, he fails. He isn’t strong enough to do so yet. Realizing his efforts are futile, he gives up and never tries again. Even when he matures into the world’s strongest mammal, he’s still convinced a thin rope tied to a small tree is mightier than he is. So he never attempts to break free. His mind is conditioned by his prior experiences and is now limiting him.

Humans are exactly like the elephant except for one thing — we can choose not to accept the false boundaries and limitations created by our past.

Harness the confidence inherent in you; fuel your emotional and spiritual reserves so that you’re not in desperate need of rescuing when you get in a relationship.

Trust me; we can smell a desperate man from afar. He reeks of neediness and clings on you for dear life. Yeah, this is a major turn-off; it sends many of us running for the hills.

We’re not looking for perfection; the very essence of being human is imperfection. Confidence means you’re doing the work needed to feel whole. You believe that you’re inherently worthy. As such, a woman in your presence can let her guard down, knowing that you’re not expecting her to validate you, and you’re not tasking her with the responsibility of healing you.

With confidence, communication comes; naturally, you’ll speak your mind, express your deepest emotions and bask in your authenticity. After all, we’re drawn to people who are unapologetically themselves because it permits us to be ourselves.

Plus side you’ll get someone who loves you for you. Isn’t that what we all want?

#2. Tenacity

You have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage — Brene Brown.

I recently watched a documentary on the life of Witold Pilecki, a man who voluntarily went to Nazi Germany’s largest concentration — Auschwitz.

The documentary spoke of how he created an intelligence network by embedding messages in laundry baskets. How he built his own transmission radio MacGyver style and transmitted messages to the secret polish army in Warsaw. How he created smuggle rings to bring in food, medicine, and clothing for prisoners and how he built an entire resistance unit in two years.

What impressed me more about him was his tenacity and courage to weather the storm. He could have easily given up on life and faded into the sunset of his days.

Not Pilecki!

Even after witnessing years of war, torture, and death, he never lost hope. Despite losing his family, friends, and nearly his life, he never lost hope. He walked straight into the fiery pits of hell to confront a manifestation of evil. Hoping to save lives and help many more. Even after World War II, while enduring Soviet domination, he never lost hope of a free independent Poland.

We’re not asking you to be Pilecki.

We’re not asking you never to hesitate or flinch. We’re not asking you to slay the dragon and save the world. We’re pointing to the harsh reality that many men crumble when faced with disasters fare less serve than that of Pilecki.

Worse, in times of crisis, they turn to the bottle to drown their sorrows. They use porn to escape reality and take drugs to numb themselves. They run from their responsibilities and take their wrath out on the most vulnerable — women and children.

Life is tough; life is unfair and very unpredictable; develop a thick skin. There is something insanely attractive about a man who bounces back in the face of adversity. A man who can lick his wounds and not give in to despair.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

#3. Reliability

I had a co-worker who was articulate, kind, and had a great sense of humor. Many held him in high regard. He had a solid work ethic. Every morning, he would arrive early, ready to serve others. He inspired us to not just show up for work to give it our all. He would say, “it’s the least we can do for our community”.

When we first saw his wife at the end-of-year function, everyone nearly fell off their chair! She was drop-dead gorgeous. What did he have? Everyone wondered. He wasn’t rich. He didn’t look like Idris Elba, and he most certainly wasn’t the company’s CEO. He was… ordinary like us.

I had the pleasure of talking to his wife and what I gathered was that my co-worker was as impressive at home as he was at work. She spoke of his implacable determination to make the relationship work.

She recalled a time when he looked in her eyes and said, “I want you and I’m not gonna let anything stand in our way. He showed up every single time even when it was hard.” He had a plan; he had a vision. She not only respected him for that but also fought to be part of it.

To the guys out there reading this, turn up when there’s hard work, I don’t mean fixing her car or changing the light bulb. I mean, you should stay the course when things get really tough.

Be reliable, be present. So she has unwavering confidence that no matter what, you will always be there. Give her that sense of security, and she will give you the same. Wolfgang Schäuble was onto something when he said:

Reliability is the precondition for trust — Wolfgang Schäuble.

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