You Better Watch Out

You better watch out

December was looming, and that meant the only real work I did for the whole year would begin shortly. Despite all the upheaval around the world, it would be another day in the office when that day arrived.

You better not cry

Things like wars and political unrest didn't worry me. In fact, if I'm perfectly honest with you, they made much of my job a lot easier.

You better not pout

The preparation work was tedious, so I delegated much of it to my team. The good lady wife takes care of a lot of the administrative side of things. She was rather OCD, so liked everything to be just right. My main task in the weeks before the big day was to run through the register. I did not delegate that most sensitive task to anyone else.

I'm telling you why

After all, who else should decide who has been naughty and who has been nice than Good Ol' Saint Nick, Ho Ho Ho?

He's making a list

It would all have gone like clockwork, as it has done every other year, if it hadn't been for "the incident" and Timmy.

He's checking it twice

"Often, it's the eager, overly suspicious little brat like you, Timmy, who wanders in at the wrong time when I'm busy...that I need to consume, there and then. Even if their parents didn't believe them, it's a problem I don't want to carry around with me for the rest of the year when I'm enjoying a peaceful existence. Besides, if I'm perfectly honest, eating a whole child every now and again makes for a delicious side dish to a mince pie and a dram of whisky, brandy or whatever cheap muck some have a custom of leaving out for me."

He's going to find out

"I enjoy the screams and think it's a shame, Timmy, that you won't be able to tell anyone of your once-in-a-lifetime meeting with me. Here comes the claws and rotting flesh. Ho Ho Ho!"

"Ah, the tape stopped, Blitzen. It was a close shave that I spotted the camera in the corner of the room. I liked my speech, though. Poor, delicious little Timmy...I can enjoy the rest of the year now. I'll keep this movie for next year."

Who's naughty and nice

You see, I was sure we had searched the damn house and the neighbouring properties for recording devices. But, my biggest mistake was leaving it to Blitzen and Dasher. I should have done it myself. Still, the little rascals are on their last warning now.

He sees you when you're sleeping

The last time I watched the wonderful footage of poor Timmy's demise, I noticed a flash across the screen. We use special tracking software that looks at trends and keywords online to gauge my popularity. Blitzen reported to me last week, though, that something had turned up on some dodgy websites. The footage was very grainy, but definitely showed me dining on Timmy in the Johnson family's front room.

He knows when you're awake

Despite the fact you used sophisticated blockers to hide your ISP, Janie, my elves managed to track the footage down to you.

He knows when you've been bad or good

You should think of yourself as lucky. Santa Claus normally comes to town once a year. But for you, Janie, I've broken with tradition and come early. My elves have reassured me that the footage has been destroyed, so the only evidence left is... well, you. We can't have others knowing that Santa Claus is a nasty child-murdering cannibal with rotting flesh, can we? Ho, ho, ho.

So be good, for goodness' sake

Don't worry, I've made sure your parents won't disturb me, and once the process has started, you will only feel pain for a couple of minutes. The sad thing, though, is that you were on my Good List and would have gotten that new bike. Oh well, it's time for my late November snack.

*

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: This is the follow-up to one of my "festive" stories last year, Jingle Bell Rot. Which you can find below:

Here are some other things: