i remember the day i died

i remember the day that i died.

it was a normal day. it wasn’t anything where i could feel the energy of the day sway awkwardly, making me weary. i woke up a little late, went straight to work and after that went to school. it was a long day. i would clock into work at 6:30, leave work at 11 then leave for school at 12:45. it was an exhausting schedule that often made me feel overwhelmingly depressed but i always went to work and school. how depressing.

i didn’t have any friends. to be fair, if i did have anyone that was even kind of close to me, i’d push them away. my first real friend, kayla, was a horrible person. i thought she was nice but who knows. i stopped being friends with her after she pressured me into having sex. i found out more recently that a year afterwards, she went to jail for stabbing her mom.

i was still dealing with the shock when i got home from school and made myself my first meal of the day. how depressing. it was 5 pm and i was finally eating. i took out a pan, made some fried rice, and ate quickly before going downstairs to my room. once i got on my computer, the whole world disappeared and all i payed attention to was the game i was playing and the video i was watching on my second monitor.

within the lack of awareness, i was stabbed from behind. a knife dug into my shoulder and my back arched. my eyes shot open as i stared at the screen. faintly, i saw kayla through the reflection. she grinned. the knife ripped out of my body and she shoved me to the ground. i looked up at her and screamed. the knife rose into the air and i covered my face with my forearms.

« you really can’t hear with those headphones on, can you? » she said as the knife tore into my chest. i screamed again. she kept stabbing until i lost count. after a while, she stood up while i panted. i coughed as i tried to roll over. i let out a grunt as the wounds i had poured onto the carpet, covering a splotch of ink. « is it bad that i want you to live? out of everyone on my list, you’ve ruined my life the least, » she thought out loud. i wanted to scream what the fuck is happening? but my throat tightened.

she walked away, her shoes spreading my blood around the carpet and the hardwood. she tapped the knife onto the doorframe, smiling at me.

« you never told me you had a cat, » she then left. i heaved, nearly vomiting on the ground below me. i reached my arm up to my desk, feeling for my phone. i grabbed it and dialed 911.

« 911, where’s your emergency? »

« 1569 bucks lane. next to the racetrack. »

« alright, now what’s the emergency? »

« i was stabbed. my old friend broke into my house and stabbed me. »

« okay i want you to stay calm. »

stay calm? how the hell am i going to stay calm?

« is there anyone else in the house that’s injured? »

« my mom, my dad and my grandma are in the house. i- i think they were stabbed too i’m not sure. »

« okay the police and an ambulance are on their way. are you able to get to a safe place? »

« no. i got stabbed. »

« i get that, but are you able to get to a safe space? »

dumbass.

« no, she stabbed me in the chest and back. i- fuck- i don’t know how i’m alive. »

« okay i want you to stay where you are until the police arrive. are you able to tell me who did this to you? »

i told her kaylas full name. i remember her middle name from the police reports i looked through online.

« okay the police are nearly there. »

« i think i’m dying, » i blurted out. i could barely see anymore. not that my vision went out, but my brain wasn’t able to understand what i was seeing. black spots filled my vision as my body went numb. i really was dying. how depressing.

seriously? how depressing? you just got stabbed and you’re thinking of how depressing your life is?

« should i call into work? let them know? »

seriously?

« no, stay on the phone with me, okay? is there anything nearby you can cover your wounds with? »

« yeah i have a sweatshirt here, » i grabbed the sweatshirt.

« okay go ahead and press onto the wound as hard as you can. it’ll help with the bleeding. »

« okay, » i pressed. i felt my stomach tense as the pain hit me. i grunted again. as i pushed as hard as i could, my vision still dotted, i heard sirens. « i hear sirens. are they for me? » i asked, as if there was another emergency going on in this safe of a town at the same time.

« yes, theyre here for you. what room are you in? »

« i’m in my bedroom in the basement. as soon as you open the door from the garage it’s the first door across. it’s open. »

« do you have any pets in the home we need to worry about? »

« i have a dog and two cats- fuck is this important? »

« i’m just making sure. » 

« okay well i’m just making sure that you know i was stabbed and that you’re asking me about my pets. »

that was rude.

immediately after saying that, my vision started to black out and i looked down, only seeing specks of my shirt. it was a black slipknot shirt, now drenched in blood. i smiled.

« i’m really dying, aren’t i. »

« it’s going to be okay. »

the police burst in with their guns drawn and one of the police men ran to me. i couldn’t see him but i felt the innate fear of the police i had start to simmer. i wanted to move away but i couldn’t.

« medical needed in basement. »

i smiled again. how depressing. i was smiling while i died.

« ma’am, what’s your name? »

i couldn’t speak. i just let my eyes shut.

« ma’am, look at me, okay? »

i didnt.

« ma’am? »

« two deceased. » i heard over the radio

« dog found injured. »

« three deceased. »

i grunted out as he pressed onto my wound even harder that i did. he was strong, stronger than i was. to be fair, i was also half dead at this point. i lost consciousness when i was lifted from the ground.

for a moment, i was at peace. i was blissfully unaware of what was happening. it was like a dreamless sleep where i wasn’t refreshed or well rested, but i still got a moment away from the real world. i was dying. or maybe i was already dead at this point. who knows.

all i know is that i didn’t wake up. im still in that dreamless sleep and i don’t know how long it’s been. it’s felt like both years and seconds. maybe this is what people meant when they say that there’s nothing after death. there was truly nothing.

i was dead. i wish i saw a light. i wish i felt the ground below me fall as i fell to hell. i wish i was reborn. but all there is, is darkness.

how depressing