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The Race for America's Pastor

Modern Satire

By Distinguished Honorary Alumni Dr. Matthew PrimousPublished about a year ago 4 min read

It all started with the resignation of the Most Revered Reverend James Goodton. Goodton was a good man and respected and loved. He never stop giving to the poor and helping his neighbor. He was preaching for most of his life and practicing his faith without hesitation. He was a good member of the community. He helped many become pastors and leaders in the church. He even helped many seek public office and win. Goodton was a great man who served his country proud. And many remembered him and were touched by his example and life. Goodton was a national hero. But the time had come for him to pass the torch. To help someone else lead the next generation. And he was been thinking about retirement because he was well advanced in years and did not know how much time he had left. So he announced that he will be retiring as America's pastor. And he shocked the crowd and the nation. And for many months people wondered who would be his replacement. During the months many leaders rose up such as Pastor Joan Hills. She was a good preacher but she had a unsettlingly voice. She was very social and friendly. She was of a short statue and she knew how to hold her position in the crowd. She healed many and was a strong leader. Some criticize her free spirited sermons but she was a solid candidate for Goodton's job. Then there was Pastor Mike Betters. Betters was an experienced pastor and he walked with Goodton. He was the son of preachers. But he did not have the full solid background and total support of Goodton's followers. He was fervent and smart. And he knew how to tell a good story. Many people listened to his podcast and many were amazed at his insights. Then there was Pastor Phil Jacobs. Jacobs was a character. He would love reenacting the Bible. And he would love speaking poetically and figuratively. He studied the Bible since he was young and he was saved at an early age. It so happened that these three within several months were in a tight race for America's Pastor. So Goodton met with all of them at once to see who would be his successor. And they all gave him a hearty welcome. And he spoke candidly with them and met several times over. And he grilled them on the Bible and its meaning. And he asked them for a sermon on the teachings of Jesus. And he invited them to a conference at his home church the Pilgrims Rock Baptist Church. And Pastor Phil Jacobs started at he was introduced and he spoke good. And he had many applauses. He spoke about the importance of Jesus and he added Constitutional insights. And he got into the preaching when they had to draw him away. Then Pastor Joan Hills, she made fun of her statue but she spoke about Jesus' love. She spoke about the purity and strength, the holiness and righteousness. And she made many cry and shout. She spoke about her own testimony and the testimonies of others in her life. And spoke about the realness of the Jesus. And how he walk and talk. And she finish with thanking God for Jesus love. Then there was Pastor Mike Betters. He spoke about sin. He spoke about shame. He spoke about why we need God. And he got into it quickly. And he caused the crowd to stir up. And he spoke about his life and why he needed God. And he shouted all the way through his sermon. And the people were moved. Even Goodton was up and so was Pastor Joan Hills and Pastor Phil Jacobs. And Goodton finally got to the podium late at night and said that they all were fine preachers. And he said that he hope everyone pray while he talked with his elders and advisors to choose one of these worthy preachers. So days went by and weeks, Goodton met with friends and family even advisors from those he helped in the ministry and in public office. And they were divided in thirds and so they asked to met with them privately to discuss their theological beliefs. And afterward Pastor Phil Jacobs and Pastor Mike Betters were the favorite. And so they draw in one last time for Pastor Joan Hills. And Goodton said that he made his decision. And so they brought in everyone and live television for Goodton's announcement which was highly rated by the television networks. Goodton said after they showed the background and explain the beliefs of each candidate. Goodton said that after careful thought and prayer and consideration, I am asking Pastor Joan Hills to serve as the new Lead Pastor of Pilgrims Rock Baptist Church. And Pastor Mike Betters to be my replacement as the new America's Pastor. And Pastor Phil Jacobs as the Vice America's Pastor. And he shook everyone of their hands and hug them and prayed.

Modern

About the Creator

Distinguished Honorary Alumni Dr. Matthew Primous

Known as a Significant Voice in Modern Literature, a Poet of the Year, 2020 Black Author Matters Winner, 2025 Black Authors Matter Children Book Awards Nominee for his books, and International Impact Awards' Author of the Year Nominee

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