Ya Gonna Eat That?

I watch a lot of movies. And rewatch the ones I love. A lot. So, of course I eventually notice all sorts of stuff about them that before we had instant replay would've gone unnoticed by the motion-picture-going public.

Some of this stuff Hitchcock called "icebox moments". Back when you only saw flicks in a movie theatre, the holes in a story were often missed because the film was so engaging. That's the way Hitch made them - so that the audience wouldn't notice any plot problems. Until, that is, much later when they were looking in the icebox (aka fridge) at home so they could make a sandwich.

Searching for the mustard, suddenly that implausible plot point would hit them upside the head. But it was too late to really care about the movie anymore, and assuaging hunger with a good sandwich was all that mattered.

This piece isn't actually about icebox moments though, it's about what's inside the icebox. Here's a selection of scenes that drive me mad because the food in them looks so inviting that I want the characters to experience the joy of eating it so that I get the vicarious pleasure of that.

But they don't eat it.

Bing Crosby has a couple of turkey dinners that he doesn’t eat in his movies. One is in Holiday Inn (1942) where he’s too heartsick to dig into that big plastic prop of a turkey carcass - which I totally buy as a real just-out-of-the-oven bird. There’s peas and mashed potatoes too (all real, of course), which actually make it onto his plate, and I'm just waiting for the gravy to get poured so that Bing can chow down and feel better.

But no. He just can't.

The other movie where he doesn't eat the turkey is Going My Way (1944). Bing has too many lines to say, so he spends the whole time cutting the meat on his plate into tiny pieces. Microscopic pieces, in fact. Barry Fitzgerald is his sounding board, so Barry gets to eat a big turkey leg while Bing bestows wisdom. For his performance, turkey leg and all, Fitzgerald won two Oscars! Yup, you heard that right: Barry Fitzgerald won two Oscars for the same role in the same movie. The Academy had to change some rules after that!

Night Song (1948) – Ethyl Barrymore can’t eat her turkey dinner because she knew and liked the bird in life. I get it. But Hoagy Carmichael argues with her, saying: “Well you ate the potato, didn’t ya? It was plucked out of the ground and peeled before your eyes.” (I get that too). But Ethel isn't having it - not the argument, not the turkey. When Hoagy goes to take another bite of his turkey, he has second thoughts and loses his appetite.

White Christmas (1954) – Now you'd think in a flick with that title there'd be a turkey. But no. We're talking about a nighttime snack of sandwiches and buttermilk. Sounds good and it's all unfolding by the fireside at a bucolic Vermont inn. But then Bing has to sing rather than eat. And Rosemary Clooney has to listen - it would be rude to be munching while Bing is crooning.

It’s a lovely song – Counting My Blessings. But once it ends, he and Rosemary never get back to the sandwiches. He lights his pipe and she talks about love. And then she sings a refrain from Counting My Blessings. They kiss.

It's nice (and festive) that his socks match her dress.

There’s another fireside scene in this movie where Danny Kaye and Vera Allen are roasting wienies. Those dogs are looking charred and glistening and delicious on their sticks but the couple get interrupted by some lovelorn drama. So they abandon the food to look forlornly out the window.

In Mr. Smith Goes To Washington (1942) Diz (Thomas Mitchell) and Saunders (Jean Arthur) order a dozen oysters in their favourite bar - each! The shellfish arrive but before the duo touch them, they hit on a bright idea - something to save the day - and they have to leave in a hurry. Not one oyster eaten. Otherwise, an excellent film. (And I'm guessing the bartender and the cook got to eat those oysters).

Magnificent Obsession - This is a lavish melodrama but because of the upper-crustiness of the characters, so much food goes uneaten. Here we have Rock Hudson sitting down to a breakfast of eggs, bacon, OJ, toast, coffee, the whole shebang. It’s mouth watering. But his host talks about deep things & this upsets Rock so much he has to get up and leave, breakfast untouched. Uneaten food aside, this is another great Douglas Sirk melodrama. I love it but it makes me hungry.

And that's my magnificent obsession - the food they don't eat in the movies. I have a list. A long list. But - I also have examples of when they actually do eat the food. And that's a pretty fabulous list. Stay tuned!

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Thanks for reading!