Top 5 Worst Movies with Cops I had to Endure

After spending three months, working almost every day to attempt to watch as much content featuring police officers as is humanly possible in order to make a documentary proposal on police depictions, I feel I require a conclusion to this saga before I go on my first holiday in a year and three months. Said conclusion is what you are reading right now and the top two reigning champions of this list inspired it. Now I must provide a disclaimer of this article being merely my own opinion. However, I refuse. This is the ultimate truth. These films are just that bad. You can enjoy them, sure. Nevertheless, they are bad. I can say, with utmost certainty, that I would run a mile from anyone who enjoys number one. That may sound harsh now, but trust me, you will understand. I hope my list will bring you some closure from any sense of morbid curiosity about these movies and you do not decide to waste your time with them. Anyway, without any further ado…

5. Superbad (2007)

In a personal sense, for a comedy, it failed to make me laugh at all. Nevertheless, the film does not fail to disappoint on a technical and ethical perspective too. The film is filled to the brim with misogyny, as Jonah Hill’s character is obsessed with sex and continually plans to get Emma Stone’s character drunk in order to have sex with her. [1] He then voices his upset to her when he finds out that she does not drink and so his scheme is destroyed. [2] Yes, the movie has Michael Cera’s character as a pleasant contrast, due to him acknowledging how he should not have sex with his crush if she is drunk. [3] Yet, this only exacerbates the implications of Hill’s character’s nefarious deeds, as the film acknowledges how his approach is sexual assault, but fails to paint it in a negative light, even allowing him to win his date in the end. [4] Finally, in terms of the police in this film, considering this was my motivation for watching in the first place, Officers Slater and Michaels are useless and outright precarious cops. The film is definitely self-aware of this fact. This is played for humour as the officers state they cannot find one criminal as a ‘huge semen database’ doesn’t exist, ignore an alarming radio call, and perform tricks in their car while driving drunk, among many other instances. [5] The film does not seem to want to negatively depict police, however, as these officers are purposefully represented as “bad apples” and, at one point, even forget they are law enforcement themselves, proceeding to run away scared at police sirens. [6]

4. 48Hrs. (1982)

Though Inspector Jack Cates is a grumpy bastard and I do not like him at all, in the first part of the movie, I actually do not have many complaints. For some reason, films featuring police officers love to portray moody and aggressive ones and, at this point, I am very used to it. Originally, he only shows physical aggression towards another officer and that, unfortunately, is very rare. [7] Besides, though I do not condone physical violence, the other officer was blaming him for his friends’ deaths for no reason, just because he was there I suppose, and thus I will allow it. [8] Although this beginning does get one major criticism, as now it has caused me to feel horrendous giving it praise for not being as abominable as the rest of it and other movies. “So, why is it on this list then, Honor?” I hear you ask. Wow, how did you just ask me something from the future? Special talent you have there! The film, with no fault of his, plummets with the introduction of Reggie, played Eddie Murphy. [9] Cates is needlessly aggressive with Reggie from their first encounter and, then, is continuously rude to Reggie, veering, of course, into racism and police brutality. [10] Do you have a problem with this being featured in the story? Well, do not worry, because Cates apologises, without actually apologising, excusing his behaviour, and he stands up for Reggie. [11] What a hero! (Hint: I do not believe this mediocre behaviour even comes close to any sort of redemption, but the film seems to think so and this is a major oversight). This is all failing to mention the other instances of police brutality that he enacts on other victims. [12] The only enjoyment I received from watching this movie was the fact that, when Eddie Murphy was speaking, I would hear Mushu one line and Donkey for the next. This film will not obtain any credit for the amusement that originates from other films that are, at least, sixteen years its junior.

3. Freebie and the Bean (1974)

This film also has a police brutality and aggression problem, to an overwhelming extent. It is either justified for some twisted reason (the victim “deserving” it or it helping to progress the case towards completion), or it is for humour, or it is a gruesome display of queerphobia, in a victory against an infamous man in a dress. [13] Freebie also calls Bean a racial slur due to him being Mexican. [14] At one moment, he threatens a suspect’s girlfriend and then, when the suspect runs into the room to protect her, Freebie is sitting on the bed with this naked woman. [15] It is a bizarre and uncomfortable scene. The movie in general is peculiar as they crash inside a couple’s bedroom after their car, somehow, manages to jump off a bridge. [16] I am not saying that these circumstances cannot appear in a movie whatsoever. On the contrary, if they are depicted in a negative and realistic light, it could be a positive movie critiquing the violent and racist nature of police. However, this film, as well as many others, fail to do so. It makes light of serious topics and uses them for punchlines, which is evidently offensive and insensitive, but also incredibly lazy. Although, this movie does succeed with one aspect, despite all these flaws. It has a plot. Oh, yes. This is our transition towards the supreme top two of this list.

2. Bad Lieutenant (1992)

Per the title, I was not surprised at the lack of morals from the unnamed Lieutenant. On his millionth dose of any and all illegal substances he could find, I was started to feel it was, maybe, a bit repetitive and, maybe, just maybe, extremely mind-numbingly dull; I got the point the first time, movie. [17] I am bored simply referencing all the times he takes a drug. This film feels pointless. I am sit there watching this crap, feeling vastly uncomfortable as he sexually assaults two teenagers by masturbating in front of them, and then the movie ends with no development, in spite of the hints. [18] I am genuinely curious if I was supposed to interpret him sending the men who brutally sexually assaulted a nun onto a bus with a load of money as a positive thing, because I most certainly did not. [19] I am stunned wondering what the director wanted me to feel, but I found myself applauding as he was shot at the end. [20] Okay, not literally, but I can say I did not care at all and was furious at the lack of purpose or any resemblance of a character or plot development.

1. The Last House on the Left (1972)

This film is so sick, with no artistic value whatsoever. It is an exploitation film, purely made for shock value and nothing more. These fugitives kidnap two teenage girls and humiliate them, which initiates by forcing Phyllis to deliberately pee herself. [21] The gang then provide to force them both to take their clothes off and perform non-consensual sexual acts on each other. [22] In an original, thankfully lost in time, edit, this scene progresses further. [23] There are multiple acts of brutal violence, including murder and extreme cases of sexual assault. [24] After Phyllis is murdered, Sadie proceeds to start pulling her intestines out of her body. [25] Why? Just cause, I guess. Even more horrific scenes were included in the initial viewing, which were also, fortunately, lost in time, due to more graphic sexual assaults carried out by Sadie against Mari. [26] There is zero purpose to any of this brutal and merciless sadism, except to gratify sick urges or to make people like me nauseated or triggered if we have personal histories with violent trauma. This is not even mentioning the police: the damned reason I had to watch these despicable deeds in the first place. I came across a comment online that claimed this film had the most classic example of useless police and I was not lied to. They seem alright at first: they reassure Mari’s parents that she is likely okay, they check morgues and hospitals and they genuinely seem to care about helping. [27] Nevertheless, one of the officers forgets to fill up the car’s gas tank, and so, when these teenage girls are soon to be viciously murdered, the police no longer have a vehicle to get to them in enough time. [28] This is enough. But, no. There’s more. They forget that jogging and running exists and they walk all the way. [29] There is even a chicken truck, that they can get a ride from, but they barely try to convince the driver how desperate the situation is and, by the next scene, they are walking again. [30] The only violence I will slightly tolerate is when the parents get their revenge: murdering the criminals who killed their daughter. [31] It was excessive, especially when the mother literally bit one of their penises off, but kind of poetic considering what had occurred previously. [32]

Thank you for reading my article. As a symbol of appreciation, instead of all of these depraved films, I recommend you watch, if you have not already, The Kid, Get Out and Knives Out. [33] They are certainly not unique films to suggest; nevertheless, I genuinely enjoyed them a lot and it was a pleasant treat, due to the lack of decent films on my watch list.

References

[1] Superbad, dir. by Greg Mottola (Sony Pictures Releasing, 2007), 12 and a half mins, 15 and a half mins, 22 mins and 35 mins.

[2] Superbad, 1 hour 27 mins and 1 hour 30 mins.

[3] Superbad, 49 and a half mins, 1 hour 19 and a half mins, 1 hour 22 mins and 1 hour 28 mins.

[4] Superbad, 1 hour 47 and a half mins.

[5] Superbad, 45 and a half mins, 58 and a half mins and 1 hour 38 mins.

[6] Superbad, 1 hour 6 mins.

[7] 48 Hrs., dir. by Walter Hill (Paramount Pictures, 1982), 20 and a half mins.

[8] 48 Hrs., 20 and a half mins, 15 and a half mins and 18 mins.

[9] 48 Hrs., 25 mins.

[10] 48 Hrs., 25 mins, 29 and a half mins, 36 mins, 57 mins, 40 mins, 51 mins and 53 mins.

[11] 48 Hrs., 1 hour 14 and a half mins and 1 hour 18 and a half mins.

[12] 48 Hrs., 32 and a half mins, 1 hour 23 mins and 1 hour 29 mins.

[13] Freebie and the Bean, dir. by Richard Rush (Warner Bros., 1974), 12 mins, 13 mins, 13 and a half mins, 14 mins, 14 and a half mins, 15 and a half mins, 16 mins, 16 and a half mins, 33 mins, 34 mins, 59 mins, 1 hour 11 and a half mins, 1 hour 18 mins, 1 hour 43 mins, 5 and a half mins, 7 and a half mins, 8 mins, 1 hour 9 mins, 1 hour 23 and a half mins, 1 hour 51 and a half mins and 1 hour 43 mins.

[14] Freebie and the Bean, 59 and a half mins.

[15] Freebie and the Bean, 16 mins.

[16] Freebie and the Bean, 40 mins.

[17] Bad Lieutenant, dir. by Abel Ferrara (Aries Films LIVE Entertainment, 1992), 3 and a half mins, 4 and a half mins, 8 and a half mins, 9 mins, 10 mins, 14 and a half mins, 16 mins, 22 and a half mins, 41 and a half mins, 46 and a half mins, 53 mins, 1 hour 1 min, 1 hour 5 and a half mins and 1 hour 24 mins.

[18] Bad Lieutenant, 34 mins, 1 hour 24 mins, 1 hour 26 mins, 1 hour 29 mins, 1 hour 31 and a half mins and 1 hour 18 and a half mins.

[19] Bad Lieutenant, 1 hour 29 mins.

[20] Bad Lieutenant, 1 hour 31 and a half mins.

[21] The Last House on the Left, dir. by Wes Craven (American International Pictures, 1972), 28 mins.

[22] The Last House on the Left, 29 mins, 30 mins and 31 mins.

[23] MGM, THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (1972) (n.d), DVD Drive In <http://www.dvddrive-in.com/reviews/i-m/lasthouseontheleft737151972.htm> [accessed 6th December, 2020], 6th paragraph; Jason Bailey, Last House on the Left, The (2009), DVD Talk <https://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/36662/last-house-on-the-left-the/> [accessed 6th December, 2020], 14th paragraph.

[24] The Last House on the Left, 17 and a half mins, 18 and a half mins, 43 and a half mins, 46 mins and 46 and a half mins

[25] The Last House on the Left, 44 mins.

[26] The Last House on the Left (Informational booklet; 2-disc DVD edition). Anchor Bay Entertainment. 2003. ASIN B000094P3T.

[27] The Last House on the Left, 24 mins, 25 mins, 31 and a half mins and 32 mins.

[28] The Last House on the Left, 42 mins.

[29] The Last House on the Left, 45 mins and 50 and a half mins.

[30] The Last House on the Left, 51 and a half mins, 53 mins and 57 and a half mins.

[31] The Last House on the Left, 1 hour 21 and a half mins.

[32] The Last House on the Left, 1 hour 14 mins.

[33] The Kid, dir. by Charlie Chaplin (First National, 1921); Get Out, dir. by Jordan Peele (Universal Pictures, 2017); Knives Out, dir. by Rian Johnson (Lionsgate, 2019).