The Power of Letting Your Children Fail: A Parenting Lesson from the CEOs of YouTube and 23andMe

In a world where success is often equated with perfection, the concept of failure can seem intimidating. However, for many successful leaders, failure has been an essential stepping stone in their journey. This principle is particularly evident in the stories of two exceptional women, whose achievements are not only a testament to their intelligence and work ethic but also to the invaluable life lessons they learned from their parents. The story of my daughters, who attended prestigious universities such as Harvard, Yale, and Stanford, and went on to become the CEOs of YouTube and 23andMe, showcases how allowing them to experience failure can ultimately make them stronger and more resilient leaders.
A Foundation Built on Trust, Not Protection
As a parent, one of the hardest things to do is to watch your child struggle. Our natural instinct is to protect them from disappointment, pain, and failure. We want to shield them from hardship, believing that overcoming challenges is something to be avoided. However, as my daughters grew older and their ambitions took shape, I realized that the lessons learned from failure are far more important than avoiding it.
From an early age, both daughters were encouraged to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them. The pressure to achieve could have been immense, especially when surrounded by the academic excellence of their peers. But, instead of always intervening to smooth their path, my role as a parent was to let them face challenges head-on. When they did fail, we viewed it not as a setback but as an opportunity to grow.
The Role of Failure in Shaping Leaders
The story of my daughters’ path to leadership positions at YouTube and 23andMe didn’t follow a linear trajectory. They encountered plenty of hurdles along the way, both personally and professionally. But those moments of failure and disappointment were key in shaping the leaders they are today.
Take YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki, for example. Susan, who graduated from Harvard University, faced numerous rejections and setbacks early in her career. But instead of accepting defeat, she used each challenge to push forward. When she joined Google, the company was still in its infancy, and the journey was far from smooth. However, it was those initial failures that provided her with the strength and experience needed to lead YouTube through its biggest transitions and challenges.
Similarly, Anne Wojcicki, the co-founder and CEO of 23andMe, faced her own set of struggles. Despite being educated at Yale and having the intellectual capital to succeed, her career didn’t take off immediately. She had to face countless doubts, skepticism from investors, and challenges in the highly competitive biotech industry. But she learned to persevere, to pivot when necessary, and to rely on the lessons learned from early missteps to guide her decisions.
The Value of Perseverance Over Perfection
A key element in both Susan and Anne’s rise to leadership roles was their ability to persist despite early failures. In a world that constantly pressures people to be flawless, the ability to accept imperfections and use them as fuel for growth is an invaluable skill. By letting my daughters fail, I allowed them to develop resilience—the kind that doesn’t break under pressure but instead finds creative solutions, learns from mistakes, and moves forward stronger.
Today, both women exhibit a leadership style rooted in empathy and understanding—traits that are often developed through experiencing failure. They understand that setbacks are a part of life and that leaders are not those who avoid failure but those who embrace it and learn from it. The lessons they learned from their early experiences have made them stronger, more compassionate, and more innovative leaders.
Failure Builds Confidence and Self-Reliance
One of the greatest gifts I could give my daughters was the confidence to trust their instincts. This trust developed not from always succeeding but from the ability to bounce back after a failure. As they encountered failure in various forms, whether in school, internships, or early jobs, they learned to analyze the situation, adapt, and move on. They learned to rely on themselves and their decisions—knowing that failure was not a reflection of their worth but an opportunity for growth.
Now, as CEOs of two of the most influential companies in the world, they lead teams with this same mindset. They encourage their teams to take risks, to fail, and to learn from it. They understand that leadership is not about avoiding mistakes but about how you respond to them. It’s this resilience that has helped them navigate the complexities of leading large organizations.
Letting Them Fail: The Greatest Parenting Lesson
Reflecting on their journeys, I realize that the most important lesson I ever gave my daughters was not one of success, but of failure. I didn’t shield them from the challenges that life threw their way. Instead, I let them face them head-on. And in doing so, I gave them the greatest gift: the ability to turn failure into a stepping stone for greater success.
In today’s competitive world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that success comes easily for those at the top. But for my daughters, the road to leadership was paved with failures, each of which contributed to their growth and success. Allowing them to fail didn’t just make them stronger—it made them the leaders they are today.
Conclusion: The Power of Letting Go
As a parent, it’s crucial to understand that failure is not something to be feared or avoided. Instead, it should be seen as an opportunity for growth. Just as Susan and Anne learned from their experiences, so too can we all find strength in the face of adversity. By allowing our children the freedom to fail, we give them the tools they need to thrive. Leadership isn’t about avoiding failure—it’s about learning from it and continuing to move forward.
Ultimately, the most important lesson is this: Letting your children fail is not a sign of neglect; it’s an act of trust. By doing so, you empower them to become the leaders of tomorrow, confident in their ability to overcome any challenge.