The joy of a guilty pleasure

Like so many people I have had my secret guilty pleasures, shows that I loved to watch all by myself. Shows that didn't teach me anything or bring any real substance to my life. Just things that I could put on and get lost in a world of drama and craziness. Like so many out there for so long it was reality TV. And all the ones that make no sense. You know the ones where you watch them and think what is wrong with you people, where did you come from and why am I even watching this. I loved to watch Jersey Shore and Duck Dynasty. I would watch them and somehow feel better about my own choices and my life, even though it still was not the best. Of course the real housewives would always suck me in. I would watch every season and every version religiously. For some reason I felt like I was invested in these stories and in their crazy and outrageous lives. In times when I felt lonely or bored with my own life, I knew that I still had these crazy shows that I could get my drama fill in. Even when my life seemed boring and routine. What I have learned over time is that when you are bored with your life, caught up in your day to day, sometimes you need some excitement. Unable to get some then it is nice to be able to get it from these crazy shows.

Then I become a single working mother. And no longer had as much time to watch these crazy shows as much. Most days I would only have an hour at night to watch something, so I couldn't fill it with nonsense all the time.

Then 2020 came and with it came a pandemic that no one sow coming. In my second stay at home order and my second lay off, I suddenly found myself at home more than ever. I would find myself searching for something to entertain me that wasn't so crazy and filled with drama. I found that I just wasn't as entertained by the circle of reality shows as I once was when I was younger. Maybe from getting older, maybe from becoming a mother, I'm not sure. So I found myself watching a lot of YouTube. It would start with videos that had a lot of substance to them and would help me learn and grow. But somehow I ended up in a black hole unable to get out of. A black hole that I didn't even know was there.

I work out often, and so I would watch a lot of fitness related content. There are people that do 'what I eat in a day videos'. There are also people that do reviews of what I eat in a day videos. Sometimes there are reviews of the reviews. I found myself in the black hole of people talking about what other people eat. I'm not even sure how that happened. It started by watching this one channel that did a lot of reviews of what I eat in a day. She would put suggestions and tips in there. So I told myself that I was learning something, and sometimes I was. Then it became watching the person respond to her video. Then it was watching another review and another. I somehow found myself watching a review, of a review, of a review. When the person commented on that, that was my moment of pause. My moment to go, what are you doing with your time. I usually didn't watch that drama nonsense, saying that if you didn't agree with someone or like what they were doing then just don't watch. The greatest message that we can send is to watch them or not purchase the product. Yes there are crazy people out there, with crazy ideas and thoughts. But why then respond to it. Don't fuel the fire right? But so many people were not just responding, but getting in heated arguments about it. I understand that YouTube is a business and drama sells, but why are you getting so heated about what someone else is doing? I understand that if they are saying things that are damaging to people or harmful you need to stand up to what is right. But there should still be a limit. While I say this, I understand that by me watching I was getting involved in the circle as well. I don't understand why, but it was entertaining to me. Especially in a time when there wasn't a lot going on, so I needed something to occupy my time. And in a crazy time when you don't know what is happening sometimes it just makes you feel better to watch some craziness.

There is a part of me that sees that I traded one crazy drama filled guilty pleasure for another that was very much alike. However, being on YouTube, somehow it makes it feel more real. I understand that sounds ridiculous, and it is of course. But it feels more real with people that are more real, and it is edited less. And some of them do have real information that is helpful to us. Sometimes you just need to get lost in something. That is the great thing about romcoms I think. In a hard time you just want to watch something and forget what is going on in your life and believe that there will be a happily ever after. Whatever you need to do to get through something, a hard time or just a rough spot in your life, then do it as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. We all have a guilty pleasure in life, no matter what it is don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

Thank you so much for reading. If no one has told you today, you are appreciated, and you are enough just the way that you are.

- T