Lucifer is an Endless Source of Pleasure

Story originally published in The Bad Influence.

I first heard about this show a little over a year ago when my sister said she was watching it on Netflix. She kept telling me I would like it, but I was like:

Meh, I am not really into just binge-watching shows on Netflix. I could read or write something.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like TV, but I have a problem with it all just being readily available to consume in a steady stream of escapism. Not only because that isn’t great in practice, but because I struggle with boundaries. I do the same thing with reading books. If I start one, I have to finish it that same day. Luckily, I read fast, but TV watching requires so many more hours.

Escapism to Hell, anyone?

I finally caved, though, after writing this article for a client of mine, Top 10 Netflix Shows Out Right Now. There, in the number one spot, was ‘Lucifer.’ I had to do some web research since I had never seen the show. I decided my sister was correct, and this was right up my alley. I mean, “the devil gets bored being the ruler of Hell and comes up to LA to be sinful, but meets a beautiful detective” sounds intriguing. It’s also a Jerry Bruckheimer project. I love him! So, I took that first step toward temptation.

I tried really hard to watch only a few episodes a night. However, almost immediately, I succumbed to the historical sin of acedia, otherwise known as sloth. I would start watching ‘Lucifer’ earlier and earlier, so I could fit in another episode.

Good God, Lust, and Gluttony, too!

Watching it for the story might sound a little like reading Playboy for the articles, but I swear it was true… And it was. But I soon realized I had a problem when I asked my husband how his British accent was. God, Tom Ellis’ voice is pure pleasure. All he did in the first season is run around asking people what they desire or making a sex joke. WHAT DO YOU THINK WE DESIRE?!?!

Seasons 1–3 aired on Fox, so they couldn’t give us “more.” Honestly, what could be better than Tom Ellis and Lauren German with their “will they or won’t they sexual tension?” Then along came Netflix and said, “Hold my beer!”

Now, we were exposed to new devilish delights, like the day the Devil wore his orgy pants to the office. There were so many shots of Tom’s ass in this episode, yet I wanted more. Sigh… the road to Hell really was paved with my good intentions… this debauchery all started with a work article!

This show wounded my pride.

I am not as shallow as my obsession with Tom Ellis would make me seem; I am a bookworm and a nerd, and my husband is a geek. I do not binge-watch TV! I have goals and ambitions that will not get done while I ogle Tom Ellis. I blame it on the hormones. They are out of whack right now because I am doing a preop diet for weight loss surgery, which is not about vanity, God Dammit!

I won’t spoil too much, but I cried at the end of Season 4. I sobbed at multiple points during Season 5. I reminded my husband about my haywire hormones while he was trying to calm me down by telling me that this was just a TV show. I told him it was like when I was pregnant, and he found me sitting on the living room floor weeping over a Campbell’s soup commercial.

I’m an Agnostic who is envious that fictional people hang out with a fake devil.

I told my sister the other day that if Tom really was the ruler of Hell; I had to find a way to sign myself up. Then I remembered he isn’t in Hell, he is in LA. I’m ashamed to admit it took me another moment to remember that I do not believe in Heaven or Hell. What is happening here? It must be my brain turning to mush because I stayed awake until 3 am to finally get the answer to the will they or won’t they question…

Now the wrath has set in.

I’m mad at everyone right now! I am furious at Maze and Michael and Dan. I am distraught with Lucifer, who can’t seem to muster up three little words that we all know he feels! I’m upset at Chloe for believing stupid Michael. I am ticked at Amenadiel, who, for an angel that deals with time, has the worse sense of it, EVER! I think the only character I am not irate with is Linda. Thank God this show has a therapist.

I am furious with the writers and the producers. Who the hell decided it was a good idea to split Season 5 in two? When will we have an air date for the next half? Season 6? Admittedly, I was a little less annoyed with them when they put out the clip for the upcoming musical episode.

Also, it has been months since the first part of Season 5 ended, and there is still no word on when we can anticipate the second half! Come on guys please hurry up. I need Lucifer to say a very important little phrase to Chloe, and I needed it to happen yesterday.

Ruination

Damnation. Bullocks. Fuck. I think I have to watch the whole damn show over again. I may have missed stuff. I blame the anxiety I am under about surgery. I scheduled it on a cursed day like an idiot, and my sister thinks I might die. If I die and there is a God, he better be Morgan Freeman or ‘The Allstate Guy.’ If the Devil has orgy pants, I won’t complain either. At this point, I would be happy to see Lucifer in a parka, as long as I could hear his lovely British accent saying something inappropriate.