I Wish that I Were Jesse’s Girl

Have mercy! What can I say, I definitely wish that I were Jesse’s girl. My OG celebrity crush is John Stamos. He is the whole reason I started watching Full House. I had to see Uncle Jesse. I think that he is the epitome of sexy. He is the cat’s meow and the pur. I don’t know how he ever got through airport security when he traveled because he is the bomb. In fact, when I was a junior in high school, the first day of English class, my teacher Mr. Vargo asked us to show or tell about someone important to us. Without hesitation, I was the first to pull out my flip phone ( I can’t believe I ever thought flip phones were cool); and, I professed to my peers my undying love for John Stamos.

In fact, I did not like Aunt Becky on Full House because she got to kiss and marry my man. My best friend at the time indulged me in my dislike of her, telling me how much I should have been Aunt Becky on Full House. I have clearly envisioned all of how and why Jesse and I would have been perfect together. We could have been double J. My name is Jessica; and, people call me Jess. We could have been Jess and Jesse. Not to mention, twins run in my biological family; so, I probably still could have given Jesse twins. We would have had beautiful mixed babies. Not to mention, I sing; and, Jesse is a talented musician. We could have done, beautiful, amazing duets. When he was in the Rippers, I would have been his biggest fan girl, front and center, at every show, wearing a shirt that said Jesse’s girl, cheering on my man loud and proud.

Unlike Becky, I wouldn’t have gotten upset about Jesse wanting to incorporate Elvis into our wedding. I would compromise on anything to have my hunk of burning love. Also, I have very hard to maintain hair. So, I could empathize with Jesse’s obsession with his hair. I would have helped him find the best products. I’m also very family oriented; so, I would have loved marrying into his big, happy, family. I would have been proud to stand by my man. I would have turned the attic into our little love nest. I would have given him sex that was so out of this world, he would have even put off moussing his hair to have me love him tender. While everyone else was calling him Uncle Jesse during the day, I would be calling him Daddy at night, having him scream, “Have mercy!”

Please don’t get me wrong, my passion for John Stamos runs deeper than just imagining how we would have been perfect together on Full House. You better believe if he was in a movie or show, I was watching it. In fact, he was in this Lifetime movie called, “The Disappearance of Christina” where his wife disappeared. I was thinking to myself, “Woman are you crazy?!” Who would want to disappear on that piece of perfection? There was a love scene in the beginning; and, she did not enjoy it. I think a woman would have to be comatose to not enjoy even being in the same room as John Stamos, let alone having him act out a love scene filled with his unbridled passion. John Stamos is so awesome, I could have bathed in his sweat. So, all that I described does not do justice to the crush I had on John Stamos. I mean, to this day, as a Disney fanatic, I think the only reason Prince Eric is my favorite Prince is because he is the one that comes closest to resembling John Stamos. To reference Full House again, John Stamos sang a song called, “Forever” Forever is how long I would have been lost in his beautiful eyes if I had ever met that gorgeous, sexy, hot, incredible man.