Do Not Watch This Film

Two nights ago I began watching, very late in the sleep cycle of most natural creatures on Earth, the splashgasm called Melancholia. The opening cut convinced me I was already feeling slightly too emo for such a roller coaster of ideas, so I put it off until very early this morning. October 1, 2020.

And still I wish I hadn't seen it.

I think I should have listened to my earlier self. Who at the doorstep of 2012, hated the concept immediately. The end of the world. Insert SNL character spoofs of NPR radio hosts repeatedly saying "literally" to one another.

Who needs that while the media is misquoting Mayan beliefs for ad clicks? It's totally the end! Watch this version on the big screen. It's for people who like Mozart Requiem (the slow parts). Even then I was flirting with torture, however. Finally, my face ruddy with arousal, I clicked "play".

What I found so alarming, is my affinity for Kirsten Dunst's character, who upon identifying the unusually placed laser dot in the sky, "just knows" everyone is doomed. She doesn't just peer through the poor graphics of our inanimate places and things, she reads people's action and predicts their trajectory. Even how to trigger them. A skill she tries to abandon use of as a copywriter, but is imprisoned by once more. Even as she hears the distant roar of what some call Apophis. Potentially an indictment of an imaginary shadow government.

Though it is hinted she can be somewhat dramatic in the script, as the film progresses it becomes increasingly clear she is that way because she doesn't just imagine the worst. She sees in exquisite detail the wreckage of what comes next. Her reaction seems messy to those around her, because they're too dim to even look up.

They feel oppressed by her discomfort of the growing fire in the corner of the room, and when she screams "fire" everyone rolls their eyes. They call her selfish, when it is they who are, who enjoy rutting around in misery while pretending to accomplish meaningless activities. Like counting to 678 and references to a "deal" for hole 19. (<- ?)

Her character Justine, is not just a product of her fictional, screwed up parents. She would have computed for us with alarming speed who wins the Presidential election of 2020, based on the wisp of a butterfly's wings. If she hadn't died that one time.

She immediately goes about hijacking her life knowing, we are later made to understand, there is no opportunity upon viewing this destroyer of worlds. Wistfully alluded to as Melancholia by a passive aggressive intelligentsia.

No point in continuing the illusion of order and human endeavor, we realize she felt at this moment. Changing displayed works of art in the library from modern squares and fine lines to those instead cataloging the random appearance and disappearance of human life. The frailty of being alone without even knowing the scientific what and why of all things.

She goes into full shut down for a time, only functioning very basically. Even the taste of her favorite dish, meatloaf (really?), tastes to her like ash. More indication she's not just "making it up". She is convinced things are horribly wrong while the world tries to understand her "disease".

Yes, I know this is a work of fiction. But I empathize.

Her sister and brother in law both provide her a safe space to operate, and slowly she reactivates. Curiously as more is revealed of this doomsday device, hurtling sideways toward Earth. On a similar path compared to that of the "messenger" object logged going through our star system. Twice.

Again, I cannot help but take note, that she apparently is more relieved the less time on the clock. She has been living with this anguish for too long. As those around her are forced to face the upcoming terror, she is ready to switch place with them. To be the voice of terrible reason, and dispenser of unfortunate truths.

Everyone dies at the end. Even us. Thank goodness it was just a movie.

So my point is, this wicked tale did not help me at all. From the very first week of December 2019, I remember speaking to someone about plans we were making for the next January, and suddenly aware of a twist in my soul. 2020 was NOT going to be some wonderful alignment of galactic energy. We'd not discover true reality, the cure for cancer, or free energy. Those plans we made, for all of 2020, would not end well.

In a single moment of time, I had the impression of seemingly perpetual chaos, disease, and scarcity. I have to be honest and say the signs were already there. Gazing into murky depths with a blank mind they were impossible to ignore. War games. Practiced response to pandemics. Worldwide livestock and wildlife die offs. A false sense of economic euphoria. Dissatisfaction in the legal system.

Already I had these issues on different burners. Keeping them warm. Maybe I was planning to snack on them. I'm weird. But at that exact moment a jolt sent all of it crashing toward me. Intellectually I stepped back in horror, then did my best to ignore the sensation. What was I thinking trying to focus on all my fears simultaneously while also pretending they did not exist?

It was then the most surreal thought happened. 2020 was going to suck in the worst possible way. Too many things were in motion. Like reading the prologue on the fall of Rome.

And I'm so upset that things turned out worse than I imagined. It's no fun predicting the future, and can be hazardous to your health. I do not recommend saying "I told you so" when you predict the future. Someone or something just got transferred out of the system in a big way. Even if you made money on it because you're dumb and want to give away you knew and said/did nothing to warn others (because who likes being burned at the stake, am I right?). Now they know you know. They would not have listened, but next time just sit there and act surprised. You may even trick yourself into thinking you're surprised, or just be upset you were right.

I "literally" stopped breathing at the first, public mention of COVID 19, before it even had a name for us common peons. Who had any idea the rest would follow?

With a hotly contested election cycle swirling around us, drawing away our every breath, the town I live in going back to heavy lock down, and I observe the resulting malaise of a generally corrupt bureaucracy which grinds the will of it's own tax payers; I marvel at the hurricanes, burning forests, practiced gouging, and the total unhappiness... I have to ask myself.

Is this the end? Finally after all this time of reading conspiracy theories, reading between the lines by government agencies, the copywriters harping on every hot button with dancing eyes, people losing complete respect for themselves, and me just being disgusted with the way things are period.

Finally as everyone around me begins to panic, the same way I have since I can remember. Now as I begin to relax and feel like I finally fit in. I ask, "Is this the big one?" The war to end all wars? The great plague? Unrest at the circus maximus? Or does this level of dissatisfaction go away?

I wonder what that feels like? Peace and quiet like on Leave it to Beaver. Was that ever a thing? Sure there's always something going on somewhere. But are we making things worse by drawing this thing out of deep space? Were we calm because we believed in the illusion? Can fake be just as good? Can you fake it till you make it?

Anyway, to me this film just added to my present angst. I feel it boring through my soul, that sensation of certain doom. Making it all seem twice as real. Like erasing vibrant channels from an image and pasting multiple layers of the same grotty PNG into the same space over and over until it's a dead nightmare. Even if I gather my branches and close my eyes in my safe place, it's coming for us all. Especially me. In slow motion!

So my advise to you is simply, don't watch Melancholia right now (if you haven't already). Wait. Maybe ten years when people remember how to behave themselves. When a "dance of death" as depicted in this film doesn't trash us all, sending our smithereens (as Daffy Duck would say) to distance parts to reseed the galaxy. MAYBE.

Just say no! No to Melancholia. Of course, I know you will watch it, anyway. And you will enjoy it as much as I did. This is Kirsten Dunst, who also portrayed Marie Antoinette in an oddly similar role.