Desperate Housewives

We are entering the third season of Desperate Housewives. The new mystery seems to be surrounding Orson (a super creepy name by the way). Mike is in a coma, and poor Lanette is dealing with this horrible extra family situation and I am still hoping for a divorce. Lanette is a saint and she deserves so much better. Edie is still being Edie, she is selling the Young’s house. And Gabby is stuck dealing with this whore of a maid.

We pick up 6 months from where season 2 left off. And these women have been dealing with a lot.

Nora is going to make me homicidal. She is insane and overbearing but what’s worse is that Tom is putting Lanette through hell because he doesn’t have any balls. This man needs to grow the fuck up because he is fully insufferable and I am going to lose it.

Bree we should really listen to these women that bring warnings of bad men. Also we need to get better at choosing men. Bree BABES I need you to get it together, this is the damn pharmacist all over again. You keep getting and ignoring warnings WHYYYYYYY.

Random body found…interesting.

Julie and Edie Britt's nephew…no thanks.

Carlos is both insane and really really stupid. He really starts making out with Nora at the wedding. Like your divorce process has barely started and you are still having a baby with Gabby. You think that you could maybe keep it in your pants for 5 minutes?

Dead body is totally Orsen’s wife, he just changed her face enough to keep her from being identified.

I hope Carlos and Gabby actually do get divorced because he is awful to her and I simply can’t stand them together.

My hatred for Edie has hit an all time high. She is the only one there when Mike wakes up from his coma and of course her first instinct is to turn him against Susan. Edie already burned down Susan’s house. How much more revenge do you need?

Poor Gabriel is being stalked by Zach and he is seriously so creepy. This boy has always been unhinged but has got to go.

Orson is taking up a lot of time this season, his ex-wife is so wildly unhinged but so is he. I still really don’t trust him. Bree seems to still have a blind spot when it comes to him. She is a smart woman acting very, very stupid.

Lynette is my favorite human. She is quickly becoming one of my favorite tv characters. Her performance for her bosses when she can’t go back to work is hilarious. She is truly the best wife and Tom does not deserve her.

Poor Mike having to be retold that he has a son, also why are we still dealing with Paul?

This stupid little girl, she is just as batshit insane as her mother. She desperately needs therapy and an attitude adjustment.

Zach really tried to eat Gabrielle's face…that boy needs help.

Jane cheated on Ian which Susan finds out when she goes to the hospital to make sure that Jane isn’t alone. Ian is racing home as Jane’s blood pressure bottoms out.

Alma and Orson’s mother are in cahoots and I still don’t really know why. We know Orson’s mom loves Alma but to let her rape her son is kind of a lot. Also this came out in the early 2000s where sexual assault scenes were not really handled very well, ESPECIALLY sexual assault of men. Alma literally drugs and rapes him, and I am sure that we aren’t going to recognize it for what it is. Yes Bree!!! She does in fact call it rape and she kicks Alma’s ass, I love her.

Danielle being pregnant with this snot nosed baby is the karma that these two deserve. But poor Julie deserves so much better.

Edie having a kid is so disturbing the woman can barely take care of herself. Carlos being a good father figure isn’t exactly a surprise but it's kind of nice to see it.

Tom is just the fucking worst. Lynette specifically asked him not to do anything for their anniversary. She is tired and wanted some time to relax, and he blatantly ignored her and planned this big ole thing anyway with no regards to how it affects Lynette. She goes along with this anyway and he leaves her stranded and SHE GIVES HIM SEX ANYWAY. Lynette, my baby, darling, dear you need to divorce this man.

Edie working Carlos is so weird. This woman needs some severe help. Carlos got so much better after his divorce from Gabby. Edie and Carlos are gross and I hate it. I want it to end as soon as possible.

Tom is insufferable always, but for him to throw out his back and then demand things from Lynette and his neighbor makes me want to snap his neck. Tom needs someone to kick the shit out of him. He makes me homicidal.

Susan has not told her sweet, British fiance that she kissed Mike. Ian wanting to extend the olive branch is a little hilarious. Mike is very much fighting for her and I love it. Poor Susan finding out that she was used as a bet in a poker game was very heartbreaking. She was so hurt and the subtle heartbreak on her face was incredibly acted.

I am loving this new chef at the Scavo’s, he’s clearly sweet on Lynette but he pisses off Tom which makes me love him even more. Lynette deserves so much better than Tom. I want her to divorce him so badly. She is a better business woman, partner, parent, person, literally everything. He is lucky she ever looked at him.

Gabby and her politician boyfriend are actually very very sweet. I think that he is really good for her. The way she stood up for him at the press conference was so great. She is exactly the kind of woman that you want at your side during a political campaign.

So basically I still only love Lynette, I am starting to not hate Carlos, I couldn’t possibly hate Edie more then I do, I feel super bad for Julie, I am counting the seconds till Mike and Susan get back together, and Gabby and Bree seem to be taking a backseat this season. This season was a lot less crime heavy it felt like, at least till we started focusing on Karen and her freezer husband. Susan gives mad Lorelie Gilmore vibes, she was the original blueprint for complete chaos. Bree is finally back and pretending to be pregnant so that when she brought back Daniel’s baby people wouldn’t question it. And Gabby is now married to the mayor. Oh yeah and Edie tried to kill herself.