Next Time Someone Tells You Something, Look for These Cues

Let’s start this story with a personal experience.

One of my professors dropped me an email one day saying she was very disappointed in me and that she had never expected me to engage in such a behavior. Imagine receiving such an email from someone who also happens to be the dean of your faculty and someone who you would never want to disappoint.

After reading her email, I rushed to her office to understand the situation. Once I sat down and talked to her, I found out that she was upset because I had not attended our faculty’s biggest symposium held a weekend ago. As a star student of my faculty, she expected me to be there. But I told her that I would not do such a thing before consulting with her and reminded her of our meeting before the symposium in which I asked her for permission to not attend the symposium and that she granted me the permission herself.

After telling her the story, she looked at me clueless and nodded her head and then said, “Are you sure, I said you can’t attend?” I said, “Yes.” She repeated, “Are you sure?” This had me thinking.

So, here is what happened. When I asked my professor for a leave of absence on the day of the symposium, she did say yes, but she did not mean it. I guess, I heard what I wanted to hear and ignored everything else. She was being sarcastic and I did a bad job of judging her tone and body language. Now that I remember, I can’t believe, I even thanked her for allowing me to escape that boring symposium.

Certain abilities are innate to humans, like the ability to learn a language. But certain skills are not, like the skills of understanding cues supporting a verbal message. There is a reason communication is the third biggest factor behind divorce.

To help us understand what we should be looking for in a verbal message besides the spoken words, Dr Mehrabian, a UCLA professor of psychology, devised a formula and called it the 7–38–55 rule. Let’s jump right into the rule.

What is the 7–38–55 Rule?

Professor Albert Mehrabian formulated the ingenious model of non-verbal communication. His research and studies in the 1970s, conclusively, deduce that face-to-face communication is not fully unlocked by any party if body language, facial expressions and tone of voice are not considered.

The Mehrabian model also quantifies the effects of non-verbal cues in communication. The model states, that to engage in effective communication, one must significantly pay attention to the body language, tone of voice and facial expressions of the speakers besides their words. And it is as significant as 93 percent. On the other hand, spoken words only carry 7 percent of the importance in verbal communication.

Remember, it is 7 % for the words, 38 % for the tone of voice and 55 % for body language/facial expressions, hence, the 7–38–55 rule

Applications of the 7–38–55 Rule

Understanding the 7–38–55 rule can have a substantial impact on improving your communication skills, both as a listener and as a speaker. Hence, enhancing the quality of your professional and personal lives.

Professional Life

If you are meaning to present your PowerPoint presentation in a tone as flat as your bored audience’s interest and with your hands busy counting your dimes in your pocket, I would suggest you brace for falling flat on your face and forget about this rule.

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If you are willing to give a presentation that your audience would never forget, then this rule is for you. Make sure you use your body language and your tone of voice to support your verbal communication and enhance its effectiveness.

Here is an article that would help you develop your non-verbal skills.

Personal Life

Communication is key to maintaining any relationship be it with your colleagues, friends or family. If you ignore the non-verbal cues in your partner, son or daughter’s communication, you wouldn’t be able to develop a proper relationship with them. I am sure, I don’t need to cite a reference about the significance of communication in personal relationships.

I am certain that by applying the 7–38–55 rule in your personal life, you will rarely be misunderstood by your family.

So, next time you want to tell your wife to cook something for you, make sure you don’t. Get up and do it yourself!

Here is a video on how to cook a delicious medium-rare steak.

References

[1] https://harappa.education/harappa-diaries/the-mehrabian-model-of-communication/

[2] http://chronicle.uchicago.edu/980122/language.shtml

[3] https://www.insider.com/why-people-get-divorced-2019-1