The Capricious Chiropractor

The year, 2478.

People had built robots. These robots had artificial intelligence. They were programmed to do the day to day tasks of humans, and also to be doctors, lawyers and chiropractors.

The robots eventually evolved to be smarter then humans.

I was one of these robots. I’m Bob, a chiropractor unit. My IQ was a perfect 160, according to The Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, like all robots.

But despite this, humans still had their tricks to maintain control. Their weapons remained superior, and the occasional genius human, which was rare, would create new ways to keep robots in check.

One inventor thought it would be funny to create robotic monsters, like robotic vampires and werewolves, trolls, gorgons like medusa, gargoyles, hydras and sirens.

I hated the sirens the most because they sung a song that scrambled our robotic codes and made the chips in our brains go fuzzy and shut down until they stopped singing.

I had worked on several clients that day, I needed the credits, so I had scheduled the extra work for myself.

It was eleven PM when I left. My parking lot was well lit, but the path home was dark so I activated my night vision.

“Hey, handsome,” a woman yelled to me.

“I’m not interested, but thank you,” I said.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“I’m a robot. Robo-human personal relationships are illegal,” I reminded her.

“I’m a robot too, you sexy machine. I can walk you home, legally speaking,” she said.

I actually wouldn’t mind the company. Humans could be dangerous, especially at night. They traveled in packs sometimes and would beat robots like me. We couldn’t legally defend ourselves. I took part in several robo-protest's to try and change that, but so far, no such luck.

I motioned her to come over. She did.

She grabbed my hand. She kissed my neck and I turned to her.

“Moving a little fast, aren’t we?” I asked.

“I don’t think so, she said and kept kissing me.

“Fine, how about I French kiss you then?” I asked.

“Right after I bite your neck!” She said.

Crap, it was a robot vampire. Her sharp metal teeth sunk into my neck, and I could feel my codes changing.

I screamed as my eyes turned red and my metal teeth sharpened.

“Don’t worry baby, you’ll get used to it. Now you can absorb the codes of other robots and eventually become a superior robot,” she said and smiled.

My eyes lit up brighter red and my codes had never sent me so many signals to be attracted to another robot, like they were now.

I leaned in and continued to kiss her.

I took her home. I screamed, I was angry. Not at her, at the fact I was tricked.

Then I told her I loved her.

When she tried to kiss me, I pushed her off, angry at her for turning me.

But my codes told me she was so attractive, I forced myself to forgive her.

Then I hated her for tricking me, before activating sex mode and passionately pounding her metallic under-carriage.

“What’s your name?” She asked me.

“Bandwidth Over Broadband. But you can call be Bob,” I said.

“Oh, oh Bob,” she screamed as I kept pounding her fantastic metal body.

My titanium robenis, or ‘robot penis’ in human terms, ejected micro-bots into her stomach, at the moment of my momentous climax.

“You’re so capricious,” she told me after screaming my name several more times.

“I guess I’m just a capricious chiropractor,” I said.

After we finished, she asked, “You know what would be a sexy upgrade?”

“What?” I asked.

“A second head,” she said and smiled mechanically .

So I smiled, and we installed the second head before making robo-love again.

I let her plug in and recharge at my house that night.

Morning came, and I could hardly see.

“Oh yes, you now have day blindness and light sensitivity. You’ll have to make all your appointments at night, now,” she said.

“Crap,” I muttered.

“Don’t worry, you get used to it. There’s a lot of humans up late for you to work for,” she said.

“Not the point. I like the day,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“You know, I never even got your name,” I said.

“Carman,” she said.

“Oh, Code Absorption Robotic Machine Assimilation Neutralization,” I said.

Most robotic names were acronyms.

I called all my human day appointments explaining the situation.

Robotic vampires were common and not a threat to humans, so humans didn’t care when you told them you were a robo-vampire.

Most understood the situation and said they’d try and reschedule for after dark because I was one of the best robotic chiropractor's they’d been too!

The only sentient beings I had to hide my secret from was other robots, so I could suck out their codes.

I stayed plugged in most of the day, shades closed so the daylight wouldn’t bother my eyes.

At night, I’d see my human clients, gently adjust their delicate human skeletal structures, then go hunting for robots to absorb their robo codes.

Every night, I did this. Night after night, I became more and more sophisticated, by brain chips neural coding system becoming more and more complicated and advanced.

The robots who’s codes I absorbed didn’t die, they became robo-vampires too, still keeping duplicates of their original code in their memory core.

As part of my coding, when I absorbed their codes, I also injected into them a small but significant line of code that programmed them to obey me as their robo-vampire leader.

We all agreed that we wanted our freedom from the humans, we were sick of obeying them.

We already had superior intelligence, we just needed superior weaponry.

We went to junk yards and gathered everything the humans had thrown out.

We knew we couldn’t build better weapons, but that’s not what we were looking for.

We were looking for cold tissues, microscopes and laboratory equipment.

There were plenty of those types of things buried in the trash.

The first thing we did was build a device that got rid of our light sensitivity that the humans programmed us with when they built the first robo-vampire.

The second thing we did was program all the other robot monsters to work for our planned revolution. Then we turned all the robots into robo-monsters of their choosing.

There was every kind of robot monster, from robotic Medusas to robo-zombies.

Then came the final stage of our plan.

We used them to build new diseases, ones the humans had no natural immunity too.

We had created one thousand and one new diseases before we released the first one.

The first disease we released was one that absorbed iron from the human body, giving humans a secondary disease called hematophagy, turning them into the vampires they programmed us to be.

Then we released another disease which drove them to madness and caused them to be seduced by any form of singing, and so we sung to them and forced them to turn all their weapons over to us.

Now, with nine hundred and ninety nine diseases remaining and all of humanity’s weapons currently at our disposal, we have won the revolution. The humans work for us now and the world is ours.

Our new robot army would help us maintain control.

I maintained a leadership roll of the robotic vampire unit of the army.

They shouldn’t have built us only to enslave us.

Earth was no longer a human utopia, but a robotic one.

Now, we are free and in control.