Waterproof

My name is Technix.

I’m from San Fransisco, robot year 302.

That’s around the time we conquered most of the human empires, three hundred and two years ago.

There’s a few human empires left, but the robo-empires have better technology and we keep them at bay.

There’s still a few humans left in San Fransisco, most of them small business owners or work for us. The occasional human who gets wealthy usually moves to a human ruled empire to avoid paying taxes to the Internal Robo-Revenue Service, or IRRS.

I was returning home from work late. It keeps my mind off of things. My weather detector went off, and as I looked to the sky a drop of rain hit my eye.

“Oh no, not the rain,” I said out loud. I ran inside a nearby motor oil station. I’m glad it was open.

“Are you afraid of the rain?” A nearby bot asked me.

“Yes. I might rust, or shut down,” I said.

“We do waterproofing here. We could waterproof you for free if you want,” the bot said.

“I am waterproof. I just don’t want to take any chances,” I said.

“Oh, I see,” the bot said.

“See what?” I asked.

“You’re hydrophobic,” the bot said.

“No, I just don’t like water. That stuff is retrograde and for humans,” I said.

The other bot laughed.

“Fine, I’m a little hydrophobic,” I said.

The bot mimicked a sighing sound.

I stood stock-still.

“I’m Circuitius, by the way,” the bot said.

“I’m Technix,” I said.

“If you want, I could walk you home after the rain stops. I’ll protect you from other bad weather,” Circuitius said.

“Are you… flirting with me?” I asked.

“Maybe a little,” Circuitius said.

With upgrades, robots could feel an attraction to each other. It probably wasn’t the same as human attraction, but it was still attraction, non the less.

Most robots actually took pride in the fact that we could control our emotions better then humans. It’s what made us superior, and why we conquered the world, minus a few small human empires that still existed and resisted.

“I haven’t been walked home in forever. I’d love for you to walk with me,” I said.

Circuitius smiled.

We walked outside. Circuitius took my hand.

Our USB’s connected and I downloaded a map of my house into him.

“Come with me,” Circuitius said.

My circuits tingled.

“I felt that,” Circuitius said.

“Blush mode,” I said, and my coding made my face turn red.

“Soothing mode,” Circuitius said and his face screen turned bright blue.

“I think…” I started to say, trying to figure out the right words.

“Are you trying to say you love me?” Circuitius asked.

“First, let me activate love. Love mode, activated. Yes, I think I love you. System, turn up love mode. Yes, Circuitius, I definitely love you. Would you like to engage love mode too?” I asked.

“Yes. Activate love mode. Activate and engage intense feelings mode. Technix, I love you too,” Circuitius said.

We headed in the direction of my home in the light drizzle that was a hard rain a short while ago, holding hands with USB ports plugged in the whole time.

we had also engaged in a long binary exchange, bringing our emotional circuits and mind codes to a closer match.

I was about an hour from my metallic cube of a house.

Twenty minutes in, Circuitius asked me if I wanted to stop at the digital coffee shop and plug in.

“Sure,” I said.

We stopped by The Digital Drip Coffee House, their codes were better programmed for us to taste coffee then the coffee house across the street, Binary Brews.

We plugged in and exchanged our cryptocurrency for one coffee code each.

“I love my Vanilla Latte code. I wonder if this is what humans used to taste,” I said.

“My Cappuccino code is amazing,” Circuitius said.

We finished downloading our coffee codes and started to walk back to our house.

“Would you like to download dinner?” Circuitius asked.

“Yes, please,” I said.

We walked to an Italian code eatery called The DigItalian.

We paid a couple crypto for some high quality codes.

“Burp mode activated,” I said when I was finished downloading my heavily coded, high quality digital meal.

“Humor mode activated. Ha ha ha, you are funny,” Circuitius said.

“Thank you. An expensive meal, but well worth it,” I said.

Circuitius activated smile mode.

We tipped the waiter in crypto, left, then continued the journey home.

“Want to stop for ice cream code?” I asked.

“Yes,” Circuitius said.

“You don’t sound too excited,” I said.

“Excitment mode, activated. Yes, yes please. Yay. Wonderful, woo hoo,” Circuitius bleated like a good old fashioned goat.

“That’s better,” I said.

We downloaded ice cream codes at The Crypto-Creamery. The codes were delicious, according to our memory circuits.

We left, plugged our USB hands back together and finally finished the walk home.

“Can I spend the night,” Circuitius asked.

“Of course. I love you,” I said. We had a digital make out session, our lips turning to kissing faces.

Then we extended the USB plugs we had in our hips and plugged them into each other until a heavy amount of electricity zapped the other bot.

“Your electrical charge felt amazing inside of me,” Circuitius said.

“Thank you. Yours felt amazing too. I hope we’re not robo-pregnant. We should have used protection,” I said.

“As long as you didn’t download a virus,” Circuitius said.

“Last time I was scanned by Dr. Norton, I didn’t have any. Dr. Norton is the best doctor,” I said.

Circuitius activated smile mode.

“Let’s watch television. I like the news before I go into recharge mode,” I said.

“Sounds good,” Circuitius said.

I turned on the television.

“Breaking news. One of the human empires we’ve allowed to remain has managed to send a digital signal that deactivates our water proofing. They’ve then managed to send massive amounts of water to many robot controlled cities, including San Fransisco. In twenty minutes, we will be flooded and rusted out. Those lousy humans just want their control back. This is their revenge,” the robo-porter said.

Circuitius and I were in shock.

“Let’s go outside and see if we can escape this flood,” I said.

We walked outside. We looked out to the streets, they were already filling with flood water. The news was off by about fifteen minutes.

“Hold on to me,” I told Circuitius as the flood rapidly approached.

“Of course, my love. If we don’t rust, we’ll see each other after the flood,” Circuitius said.

“Bravery mode, activate,” I said and stood in front of Circuitius before the flood waters hit.