Why I Still Refuse to Fake an Orgasm – 7 Years After My Viral Post

Seven years ago, I wrote a blog titled Why I Will Never Fake Another Orgasm. Back then, I was angry — angry at the orgasm gap, angry at the pressure women feel to perform pleasure to protect male egos, and angry at myself for spending years pretending to be satisfied just to keep the peace.

That post came from frustration — from the raw realisation that so many women are doing sexual labour without equal effort in return. I thought simply refusing to fake it would be enough to change my sex life. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t that simple.

Now, after seven years of dating, amazing sex, and learning to call out toxic male behaviour in the bedroom, I’m not just saying I’ll never fake it again — I’m living it.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. The Orgasm Gap Is Real — And It’s About Effort, Not Biology

The orgasm gap — the statistic showing men orgasm more often than women in heterosexual encounters — still exists. And no, it’s not because women are “harder to please” or “too complicated.” It’s because too many men still think a few minutes of penetration is all it takes.

Seven years ago, my only solution was refusing to fake it. But here’s the truth: you can refuse all you want — if your partner isn’t curious, patient, or attentive, nothing changes.

Real progress came when I started speaking up. I told partners what I needed, gave feedback mid-sex, and stopped being afraid to say “that’s not working for me.” A good lover isn’t threatened by that — they’re excited to learn.

Having worked on my communication over time has been really helpful for me over the past twelve months, when I have had some health issues and now my body won't take certain things.

2. Great Sex Requires Mutual Investment

I learned that amazing sex isn’t just about chemistry. It’s about mutual investment in each other’s pleasure.

When both people are fully present — paying attention, asking questions, and willing to try new things — multiple orgasms become the norm, not the exception. I’ve had nights where I lost count, not because I changed, but because my partner cared enough to prioritise my satisfaction.

3. My “No” Is Non-Negotiable

In my twenties, I sometimes agreed to things I didn’t want — a position that hurt, roughness I wasn’t in the mood for, or an act I simply didn’t like. I didn’t want to “kill the mood,” so I stayed quiet.

That doesn’t happen anymore.

If something’s uncomfortable, I say so. If my partner’s ego can’t handle hearing “no” or “stop,” they’re not someone I want in my bed.

This confidence came from dating men who listened — and walking away from those who didn’t.

4. Toxic Behaviour in the Bedroom? I Call It Out.

I used to think pointing out toxic sexual behaviour would make things awkward. Now I know the real mood killer is disrespect.

Some toxic types I’ve met:

The “Just Let Me Finish” Guy – ignores your boundaries so he can climax.

The Ego Bruiser – sulks if you give honest feedback.

The Entitled Hookup – thinks buying you a drink means he’s “owed” sex.

The Porn Director – re-enacts porn scenes without consent.

If a man can’t hear the words “I don’t like that,” he’s not ready for real intimacy.

5. Multiple Orgasms Aren’t a Fantasy — They’re a Skill

I used to think multiple orgasms happened to “lucky” women. I was wrong. They happen when a partner understands pacing, foreplay, and aftercare.

The lovers who’ve given me the most pleasure all had this in common: they didn’t rush. They read my non-verbal cues, they stayed engaged after my first orgasm, and they varied their approach. That’s the difference between one-and-done and round three.

6. I Refuse to Shrink Myself in the Bedroom

With age came one of the most freeing realisations: I don’t have to make myself smaller to be liked.

Now, I don’t hold back sounds, mute my reactions, or pretend to be less turned on than I am. If I want to take control, I do. If I want to be spoiled, I say so. If I want to stop entirely and order pizza, I will.

Sex is supposed to be fun — and fun is impossible if you’re pretending.

7. Faking It Helps No One

Faking orgasms teaches bad lovers they’re doing something right when they’re not. It also robs you of authentic pleasure.

If I don’t orgasm, it’s not a crisis — but I’ll be honest about it. That’s how sex gets better.

8. Knowing What I Deserve Changed Everything

The biggest shift between then and now is confidence. Not Instagram-filter confidence, but the grounded certainty that my body and pleasure matter.

Bad sex isn’t inevitable. The right partner will learn you, listen to you, and match your energy. Seven years ago, I was done faking. Now, I’m done settling.

Final Thought:

If you’ve been faking it, I get it — I’ve been there. But the first time you say “no” in bed and the first time you ask for exactly what you want, something changes. Once you’ve had sex so good it leaves you shaky, sweaty, and grinning… you’ll never go back.