Behind Closed Doors, Wide Open Minds: A Guide to Sex Clubs for the Curious but Cautious

If you’ve ever wondered what really happens inside a sex club, you’re not alone. Most people are curious — it's just that we rarely talk about it openly. There’s an air of taboo around the idea of public or group sex, kink playrooms, or open swinging — but as someone who’s dipped a toe (and then some) into the scene, I can say this: it’s not what you think. Or maybe it is — but in the best possible way.

For those who are curious but not quite ready to go, here’s what you should know.

1. How common are sex and swinging clubs in the UK?

More common than you think. There are an estimated 300+ sex and swinging clubs operating legally in the UK, ranging from discreet members-only venues to larger, well-known clubs with sprawling event calendars. Some are kink-oriented, others are strictly for swingers, and some are a mix of both. From London to Leeds, Manchester to Margate, there’s almost certainly one within driving distance — you just need to know where to look.

The term “sex club” covers a wide range of spaces: some are purely social hubs with erotic ambiance and open-minded company. Others offer rooms for play — whether that’s BDSM, voyeurism, group sex, or simply a flirtatious chat in a hot tub.

To be clear: not everyone is having sex. And definitely not with everyone.

2. Wet vs. Dry Clubs — and Why I Prefer Dry

There’s a surprising etiquette to these places, and it starts with what you’re expected to wear. Some clubs are what we call "wet" clubs, meaning you’re expected to strip down to your underwear or a towel after a certain point in the night. For many, this is freeing — a way to step outside societal shame and into a sensual space.

But for those of us who prefer to warm up slowly, "dry" clubs feel more accessible. The one I attend regularly doesn’t require you to undress at all. You can wear lingerie, jeans, or your comfiest t-shirt and still be welcome. No pressure, no judgment.

Having the choice — especially as a woman with trauma in her past — is empowering. I don’t owe anyone my body, my skin, or even my cleavage. And if I choose to reveal more later, it’s because I want to. Not because it’s expected.

3. A Full Diary — Pick Your Pleasure

Another thing I love about my club is the variety of events. Fridays are mixed-entry — singles, couples, threesomes, the curious and the confident. Saturdays are usually couples-only, which creates a different dynamic, often a little more intimate and slightly more sensual.

Throughout the month, the club also hosts dedicated kink nights (think rope play, spanking demos, workshops) and swinger socials (for chatting, mingling, and mutual chemistry-building). There's even the occasional "Ladies First" night, where women take the lead — and men are there solely to please, if invited to.

Having a calendar lets you choose your atmosphere. It’s not a free-for-all. It’s a space where boundaries are respected and the vibe is curated.

Tonight I am off to the beach party night at the club.

4. Consent is Queen (and King and Everything in Between)

I cannot stress this enough: consent is the bedrock of any good sex club. Before anyone touches or makes a move, they ask. And if they don’t? They’re gone. No warnings. No second chances.

The club I attend has a zero-tolerance policy for non-consensual behaviour. That includes touching without permission, filming without consent, or even making someone uncomfortable by lingering too long.

In many ways, I feel safer in a sex club than I do in a regular nightclub. There, someone might grope you on the dance floor or follow you to the toilets. Here? You say no, and it's no. Full stop. And if you just want to sit and watch, or dance, or chat? That’s completely valid, too.

5. Condoms are Non-Negotiable

Sex clubs might seem like the Wild West, but when it comes to protection, they’re stricter than most people’s bedrooms. Condoms are expected and encouraged, and there are bowls of them in every room. Lube too.

I’ve never once been pressured to “go without” in a club — which, sadly, is more than I can say for the dating scene. There’s a shared understanding that safety and pleasure go hand in hand.

People clean up after themselves. Beds are wiped between each use. Showers are available. And hygiene is taken seriously — because respect for each other’s bodies isn’t optional.

6. A Room for Every Fantasy

Sex clubs are designed to cater to every kind of curiosity. My go-to venue has:

• A dungeon for those into BDSM — complete with spanking benches, crosses, ropes, and paddles.
• A hot tub and shower space for relaxing or connecting in a less intense way.
• A silhouette room, where backlighting turns the people inside into sensual shadows — like live erotic art.
• An orgy room, where all acts are consensual, open, and welcome.
• A camera room, where what's happening inside is live-streamed (only within the club!) to screens in the upstairs bar for voyeurs to enjoy from afar.

You don’t have to use any of the rooms. You can just sip your drink at the bar and talk to people. You might find friends, lovers, or just fascinating stories.

7. Watching Public Sex is Surreal at First

Nothing really prepares you for the first time you walk into a lounge and see two — or three, or more — people having sex in full view. It’s… a lot.

But it’s also strangely beautiful. There’s no shame. No secrecy. Just people, being human, indulging in joy and connection and pleasure. No one’s embarrassed. And soon, you’re not either.

You begin to realize how performative and restrictive our normal sexual lives are, always behind closed doors, always filtered through shame or modesty. Here, sex is just another form of expression — one that can be soft, silly, raw, intense, or romantic.

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Be Wild to Be Welcome

You don’t need to be exhibitionist or extroverted to attend a sex club. You don’t need to look a certain way or be in a couple. You just need to respect the rules, honour boundaries, and be open-minded.

For me, these spaces are about more than just sex. They’re about freedom. Agency. Reclaiming your desires in a world that tells you to mute them. They’re also about safety, community, and knowing that you’re not strange or broken for wanting something different.

So if you’ve ever been curious, let this be your sign. Whether you go or not, just knowing that places like this exist — where consent reigns, pleasure is celebrated, and curiosity is welcomed — can be strangely healing in itself.

And if you do decide to go one day? You might just find more than you expected.