satire
Humor and satire to make you laugh. Everyone loves a good innuendo.
How Do Porcupines Have Sex?
Intrepid mammalogists have peered at the amatory conjunctions of elephants and whales, they have even studied how angleworms tie the lover's knot. But how do porcupines have sex? For a long time, no one knew. Porcupines are diffident, nocturnal beasts, and they like to climb trees. And people who find themselves in porcupine territory almost always can find something better to do than shinny up a spruce to see what Erethizon epixanthum and his chums are up to.
By Filthy Staff10 years ago in Filthy
Most Disturbing Toys
What's in store for your little dimpled, darling pervert? We've got toys, lots of toys, that will help to carry your titillated tyke over the hump of degenerate childhood and into the full-fledged corruption of the adult world. The Yellow Brick Road of life is lined with used condoms, sex shops, everything from vaginal jelly to Pomeranian bullwhips. Why not toys... toys for the tainted (and tumescent) tots of busy parents?
By Filthy Staff10 years ago in Filthy
Asshole Detection Guide
In biblical times, lepers were required by law to warn other people of their approach by ringing a small bell. Looking back on it, forcing people who looked like bird-nibbled plums to announce themselves with music seems not only cruel, but superfluous, as well. After all, nature always provides us with some form of early warning when danger, or something disgusting threatens.
By Filthy Staff10 years ago in Filthy
Vatican Sex Positions
How not to enjoy sex, brought to you by your friends at the Vatican. Sex has been a topic du jour for the clergy since the clergy became clergy. Like many rules of institutionalized religion, the do nots seem to outnumber the dos. Do not have sex with your neighbor's wife. Do not have sex until you are married. Do not watch porn on the internet. Very rarely in religious doctrine does it say, tho shalt have a blowjob or do unto her as she just did for you. The discovery of long lost manuscripts, dating back almost 600 years, shed light on another important do not. Do not enjoy sex was a common theme throughout much of the history of the Vatican. There are many thousands of positions in which sex cannot be enjoyed. There are hundreds more in which sex cannot even be attempted. Here are just a few of the most popular, originally published as "The Vatican Sex Manual" by Monsignor E.D. Gray, S.J., M.A., in The Rutland Dirty Weekend Book. By using these variations, you and your partner will be unable to have sex in a variety of ways, which will add spice and zest to your abstinence. Based on the old manuscripts found in the cavernous labyrinth beneath the Vatican, these variations are equally unuseful for unmarried couples, who may try them without fear of pregnancy, pleasure, or confession.
By Filthy Staff10 years ago in Filthy
These Food Porn Photos Will Make You Lose Your Appetite
Food porn is not for the spoiled elite. It is for the luscious lovelies with berry bush and peppery tastes. Like fresh cantaloup, scooped out and filled with cottage cheese, food porn can feel fresh and fulfilling. The French are known to tongue a pepper before cunnilingus and Israelis take a lick on a sliced avocado. The rotten batches are discarded, often on the floor. Steady stems, slightly squeezable, make a great foundation for food porn. The banana is the king of the fruit porn pasture. Slowly peeling off his sheath, the banana exposes itself to the lips of an often green, shiny head of lettuce. Bursting through its skin, the banana fits perfectly with everything from peanut butter to creamy yogurt. Food porn is only a few steps away, from bedroom to kitchen, where a plethora of pleasure begins by opening a door. A refrigerator door opens up to the vast supply of sexual accoutrements for the culinary challenged.
By Lizzie Boudoir10 years ago in Filthy
This Crazy Penis Art Will Give You Nightmares
A whopping 72 percent of men choose overly masculine nicknames for their best friend. They christen their private parts with something they believe defines their machismo. Unfortunately, when these same men introduce their penis to their potential sex partner, 72 percent of women giggle. Ironically 59 percent of these same men claim it was their girlfriend or boyfriend that thought of the name in the first place. Nearly 20 percent say that their partner named the penis within the first two weeks of dating. Hence, time is truly the great equalizer of all things. Hard to keep calling it the Jackhammer at 58.
By Filthy Staff10 years ago in Filthy
How to Photograph Nude Models
In my limited experiences as both a photographer and a roue, I have found it generally to be more difficult to persuade an attractive young woman to remove her clothing for purposes of art photography than for purposes of engaging in an illicit tussle in the hay. Such persuasion is definitely an art, but is not impossible. Masters such as Terry Richardson have made careers of it. With one of his first campaigns featuring women in short skirts with public hair showing, few would argue that Richardson didn't master this skill set early on. So how does he do it? How can an aspiring photographer entice women to pose for him as if she were posing for Terry Richardson?
By Filthy Staff10 years ago in Filthy
How to Pick Up Girls
There's more to life than meeting beautiful women, taking them out, and bringing them home to bed. But who cares about that? So why do some men have trouble picking up girls? Well, some men are shy and some have had repressive childhoods and feel guilty about sex. Now there is absolutely no reason to feel this way. Let's get this straight from the start—there's nothing wrong with lusting after women. If there was, God wouldn't have created women.
By Filthy Staff10 years ago in Filthy
Mistakes Men Make in Bed
Sex, love, and men are the major subjects of modern girl talk, but that doesn’t mean she’s singing your praises left and right. When girls get together to talk about such topics, much of what they say is negative. Women go to their friends with tales of the mistakes men make in bed in hopes of finding advice on how to prevent these mistakes in the future. More often than not, they find friends that can relate, but no solution to their problem. We have interviewed women from all walks of life and gathered their accounts of the most common mistakes men make in bed. So if you want your partner to be the only one amongst her friends who has nothing to say except, "He’s fantastic in bed," read carefully and be the man who’s willing to put in effort to make that difference.
By Filthy Staff10 years ago in Filthy
Baseball Players with Porn Star Names
Baseball and pornography have more in common than you think. They are both great American pastimes. More than that, though, they both have multiple players always ready to play, balls constantly flying at their faces, and large rods in their hands. It's basically a description of an erotic film set. If you're outside in a beautiful field watching sweaty men throw, catch, and hit balls, it is understandable that your mind might wander to sex, and it doesn’t help that the names of some of these players fit perfectly into the porno in your mind's eye. Names of various players, though not always the sexiest or the most famous, certainly give us something to think about. What exactly was it that made Babe Ruth a Babe, and why is that candy bar so damn big? From Rod to Pussy, these men helped define the sport of Baseball. Porn parodies are long overdue for a spots classic. Squirts Illustrated was a nice try but, like Bad News Bitches, it was fun but not really grounded in reality. Now Field of Creams came close, but i think what is really needed is a take on an authentic player reimagined as a pornographic film.
By Lizzie Boudoir10 years ago in Filthy
