Wisteria and the Dragon

In a hollow under a tree lived a hedgehog.

It was a warm, dark, little hole, with stones places strategically near the entrance to concuss any swooping owls or hawks. It was the perfect dwelling for the magical hedgehog, who had named herself Wisteria.

Wisteria might have preferred for someone else to name her, but the Wizard student who had imbued her with magical powers had been too busy trying to explain himself out of trouble to name her, so she had done it herself.

Then she aimed and threw a single bright green quill, now humming with magic and highly explosive, at a nearby cauldron, and flung herself out of the nearest open window. After a brief moment of surprise when she failed to plummet to the ground, Wisteria fled to the woods that surrounded the tower, settling into the first uninhabited hole she found.

Explosive quills and the ability to fly. Had any hedgehog ever been more suited for the Grand Destiny of a Heroic Protagonist? Eventually. After the winter snows thawed.

Thus it was, as Spring meandered into Summer, that Wisteria's adventure began.

An unusual sound disturbed Wisteria's mid-day nap; the sound of a crying human baby.

Wisteria went to investigate. Humans were usually far more careful with their young, and an abandoned baby might grow up into a Hero, or be found by another Hero in need of an Animal Companion. Wisteria accelerated out of the way of a diving hawk as there came another sound, the rumble and musk of a fully-grown dragon.

Oh, dear.

That did not bode well for the human infant.

Wisteria investigated somewhat faster.

The human infant was gone, and the dragon was licking its fangs when Wisteria flew into the clearing.

Wisteria stayed hovering above the ground, ready to make a break for it into the thick undergrowth. "What brings you here?"

The dragon shrugged, "I heard the sound of an easy meal. What brings you here?"

Wisteria hovered a little higher. "Humans aren't usually so careless with their offspring. An abandoned baby usually means some kind of Prophecy or Grand Destiny is involved."

The dragon huffed angrily, expelling a cloud of smoke that smelled strongly of pork. "Prophecy and Destiny, bah! Bothersome human concepts that always end with some wretched two-legger attacking someone who was just minding their own business!"

Wisteria blinked smoke out of her watering eyes, choosing not to address the source of the dragon's disgruntlement. She hadn't stayed alive this long by getting into fights she was unlikely to win. "Could you aim the smoke downwind next time?"

The dragon huffed again. "I could always eat you as dessert, then you'd never need to worry about smoke again."

Wisteria aimed a quill at the boulder between the dragon's forelegs. "You could, just as I could give you a case of indigestion to which the term 'blast radius' is entirely applicable."

The dragon lowered its head, using its teeth to remove a shard of rock as long as a man's arm, which had penetrated between two scales. "You make an excellent point. Rather than being enemies, how do you feel about teaming up?"

Hedgehogs weren't really made for caves high on a mountain. "Where do you live?"

The dragon laughed. "In a cave at the foot of a mountain, surrounded by forest. There's a few ogres who live nearby, plus an Enchantress who has been looking for a familiar that won't shed all over her tower."

How intriguing. "Is the forest enchanted?"

The dragon shook its head. "No, but the witches and the Enchantress make it seem like it is. Encourages the adventurers to find somewhere else to pick a fight."

Wisteria nodded agreement with the plan and floated up until she was level with the dragon's head. "Lead the way."

Wisteria wasn't sure what other Enchantresses were like, but this Enchantress made a very good Mistress.

She re-created Wisteria's hollow in a corner of the tower a safe distance from her workshop, built an obstacle course for Wisteria to practice her flying and quill shooting near the herb garden outside and reserved a soft cushion in a sunbeam for Wisteria to take naps on.

Life was very good indeed.

Wisteria was zooming through what the Enchantress called her "Personal Enrichment Structure", scaring off a few crows in the process, when a raven appeared, hovering just out of projectile range. "Stop shooting the damn messengers, you spiked nuisance!"

The Enchantress stuck her head out of a window. "If it's another 'urgent meeting' that could have been a letter, I'll let Wisteria shoot whoever sent you and won't even frown disapprovingly!"

The raven flew up to the window. "So, that Knight you said you wanted nothing to do with? He's about a league off."

It sounded like the Knight and the Wizard student who had given Wisteria her magical powers were cut from the same cloth. The Enchantress probably agreed, given her loud groan and the way she thumped her head into the window box garden. Wisteria flew up, ignoring the bird's indignant squawk as they were knocked off the ledge. "Shall I alert the ogres to come eat him?"

The Enchantress shook her head. "He'd probably give them food poisoning, the obnoxious twit, but you can ask if they'd like to risk it."

A quick word with the dragon, and Wisteria flew out to meet the Knight and his ridiculously large escort. Was that what the Enchantress had meant about overcompensation? No matter, Wisteria was about to un-compensate things for him.

A few explosive quill-shots near the packhorses sent them bolting, pursued by a number of servants who looked glad for the excuse. Soon, it was just the annoying Knight and a few Men-at-Arms left.

Their armor protected them against Wisteria's quills, but that was all right; Wisteria had back-up.

The dragon waited until they were on a rocky outcrop before flash-frying the lot of them.

Wisteria gazed thoughtfully at the scorched metal and piles of ash. "Should we clean that up, do you think?"

The dragon blew a last jet of flame at a breastplate, blackening it properly. "No, leave it as a warning for the next band of idiots that decide to come bother us."