War Babies Pt. 3

Chapter 3

Walt was there promptly at eight as usual, I answered the door when he rang and he was surprised that I was the one opening it up for him to enter. “Wow, He exclaimed, “You seem to be having a good day today.” Then he got a look on his face like I was going to shoot back with one of my usual snide comments. “Nope, feeling pretty good the last couple of days. Must be the new meds and my little garden I have now. I have something to keep me busy.” I said. He looked relieved like my father did earlier. I kept reminding myself to not go overboard, just stay positive and let things flow smoothly. I did all the work I was given and playfully complained about how hard it was. Walt looked like I had become a different kid than he was used to. He was still cautious with me, trying not to set me off. I think I have this handled, and the afterthought of don’t you always? I knew this was a game that I had played before, only this time, I’d win. If I kept on track and not overdo it, they would buy whatever I was doing. There was a sense of accomplishment when Walt left. He and mom talked for a bit at the front door. I knew it was about me and my new attitude. Mom had a weird schedule, working odd hours as she was needed and sometimes taking small trips for business. That’s when I was kept in my room most of the time. Dad wasn’t sure of how to handle me and kept the phone on him at all times when she was gone. He’s the one who usually called Dr. Caltin and had them come get me. I think he was afraid of me. Maybe I had done something to make him this way. I don’t really remember the last five years since the accident. I have vague memories of throwing things, pulling my own hair out, starting fires and hitting people. My most prominent memories are of being in the ward. The same room it seemed every time I was admitted. The same staff, even though that had to be impossible, we had moved three times since then. I had to just be paranoid right? The thought still remained, even though I knew it wasn’t possible. I mean, why would they move with us? I wasn’t the president's kid, with their own medical team. It had to be paranoia, it had to be.

Mom came back in and turned on the television. She turned it to one of the cartoon channels I liked. The guy with the talking dog was on again. They had some crazy adventures. I loved this show and could watch it for hours. I spaced into the show for a while, until I heard the familiar arguing again. They were trying to be quiet so I couldn’t hear, but I had great hearing. I pretended to be watching the show and couldn’t hear them. “I’m telling you, this has happened before.” My father spewed at my mother, “The meds work for a few days or weeks and then she’s back to destroying things, not to mention all the people she has hurt over the years.” “Let’s just wait and see. We have to believe she’ll get better. She’s our daughter, we have to try.” She said back. “I don’t care, I can’t handle walking on eggshells when she’s home. We had a good life before her so-called accident. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I want to recommend that she be placed permanently in the facility. I couldn’t stand it if she hurt you again. I wasn’t sure if you’d survive last time.” He pleaded, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” The conversation carried on as they went into the den. The door closed and I was left alone with my thoughts again. I don’t remember hurting my mom or any of the other things he said. So-called accident? We wrecked, the deer skipping out of the way just in time as we went off the road. I can remember it like it was yesterday, it was one of the few memories I trusted. We were on our way to pick up a pizza because it was mom's turn to cook. Like always, she either ordered take out or pizza. It was raining and suddenly a deer was in front of us. My mom cranked the wheel to avoid it and we went off the road and into a ditch. Spinning around as we did so. As we spun around, I remember seeing the deer bounding off as if nothing happened. I hit my head and woke up in the hospital. My first stay in one, many more to come after that one. I sat there lost in my thoughts when I heard the door open and my dad stormed out of the house. I once more pretended to be watching the show and laughed when the dog made a snarky comment to his boy. “I’ve made an appointment for you to see Dr. Caltin. Day after tomorrow, they need to do some blood tests to make sure your meds are at the right levels. To see if they need to make changes to your dosage.

Nothing bad, just making sure you're taken care of and get the best care. I want to make sure you stay in this state. It hurts me to see you in that room in the ward. I’m so happy you’re feeling better and want to keep it that way.” She explained to me. “OK momma, I don’t want to go back to the ward either. I like how I’m feeling and want to stay this way.” I said as solemnly as I could. “Want me to help you with the weeds before the rain comes? She asked. “Sounds like a plan, Stan.” I returned. We put our shoes on and went out to the garden. I noticed mom had bought herself a pair of gloves too. “Maybe this could be our thing to do together,” I suggested, “Gardening is something we both like isn’t it? Spend some more time together.” She just smiled and started looking through the plants for weeds. We worked for a few minutes and then the rain began to fall softly. “Well that was fun while it lasted,” she said, “Time to head in now before we get drenched.” We ran for the house giggling and got in right before the lightning flashed and thunder rolled out in the heavens above us.

We made some tea and watched the storm roll in. Mom was worried about the lights going out. “We are out of candles I think.” she pondered, “I think I burned the last of them at Christmas dinner.” I didn’t even remember a Christmas dinner, or Christmas at all. “Uh oh, maybe we should ask dad to pick some up on his way home.” I said. “He shouldn’t be out in a storm anyways. I’ll worry about him until he gets home. It’s not safe out there.” “That is an excellent idea, I’ll go do that. I think he has his cell on him. I hope he didn’t forget it again.” She said as she went over to the phone, “Why don’t you go upstairs and read some of your book to take your mind off the storm.” I noticed the tone in her voice and skipped up the stairs to my room. As I closed my door behind me, I noticed Gabby behind it. “How did you get in here? I said surprised by her presence. “Shhh, they’ll hear you, not to mention the monitoring devices.” she replied, pointing at the nightlight on the wall next to my door. She quickly pulled it out of the wall socket and placed it in the closet. “I’m not sure if it will pick up our voices,” she whispered, “So keep your voice down.” “What are you doing here?” I quickly asked, “Do you know how much trouble I'm going to be in if they catch you here? I’m not allowed to have company over. Not for years now..” I couldn’t remember the last time I had someone here to visit me. “Don’t worry, they won’t find me here, I’m good at hiding like I told you.” She said nonchalantly, “I had to see you, had to see if you remembered anything.” I told her about my dream the night before. In as much detail as I could remember. “I remember that. We were in the second grade, Mrs. Grays class. I got in trouble a lot when I first learned to hide. You hid with me sometimes, we would have the best times before they caught us. Back to the ward we went when they did.finally find us. That’s when they started separating us. They could almost control us when we were by ourselves. Together, we were almost unstoppable.They messed with your memories, made you forget me time after time. In the ward, they had ways of erasing what we could do. I’m taking it slow this time, not forcing you to remember anything. It seems like you get angry and things get fucked. I’m going to help you work it out for yourself. That’s worked the best in the past.” She explained. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.” I quietly said, “After hearing my parents today talking about me. I hurt people, they said. I hurt my mom, almost killed her. How did I do that? I’m not strong enough to harm anyone.”, I put my hands to my head as the familiar pains started coming back. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, I can't do that.” I started to softly cry, not wanting my mom to hear.Gabby leaned over and held me as I cried. It was so comforting and familiar to be in her arms. As I let the tears quietly flow, the pain abated and I could think again. I wiped my face with the back of my sleeve and looked into her eyes. She locked onto my gaze and I felt something powerful wanting to happen. Like an electric shock going down my spine and it felt as if my short hair was standing on end. She must have felt it too because she quickly let go of me. “Not now,” She said, “We’re not in a safe place right now. Calm down, you’re going to wear yourself out. I don’t know what they’ve done to you, but I want to help you control it.” She pulled me to my feet and whispered in my ear, “I’ll meet you tomorrow in the woods by the hiding spot. Try to stay calm and I’ll answer your questions as best as I can then.” She looked me over and said, “Go get one of your pills, the headache ones. It’ll help you sleep and make sure you don’t do anything harmful. Trust me, I’m here for you. I’ll leave while you’re talking to your mom. Tell her the storm is scaring you, it’s too loud. Don’t forget me, I’ll be there when you need me.” All I could do was nod, I felt so tired, like I had ran a marathon or something. We plugged the nightlight back on before I went down to talk to mom. She was standing, looking out the front window as the lightning lit up the sky again. I went and stood by her side as another wave of thunder roared above the house. At its zenith, I leaned into my mother and shuddered. She put her arm around me, “Are you alright Genevieve?” She turned my face towards hers and looked at me. “You’re as pale as a ghost, what’s wrong?” I hugged her back, nestling my head into her neck. “The storm is all, it’s so loud in my head. It seems like it’s rattling my brain.” She led me into the kitchen and gave me another headache pill. I took it and swallowed it down with some milk that mom offered me. She took me up to my room and helped me into bed. We heard the garage door opening as dad finally got back. “Do you want me to stay?” She said, I could see she wanted to go to dad and talk, “No, I’m fine now. I just needed a hug and my pill. I’m going to try to sleep.” She left the door open a crack, “In case you need me, I can hear you better. I could hear her steps disappear as she went down the stairs. Damn, those pills worked fast and I fell into a dreamless slumber.

The next morning and afternoon, I felt as if I was on autopilot. It was hard to keep my attention focused on my task at hand, keeping everybody fooled into thinking I was acting normal. Well normal for most kids. I wanted to rush through the day and it was hard to go through the motions of everyday life. Walt did appear more at ease today, as did my father. Maybe knowing I had an appointment made them feel safer. I ate lunch with my parents before mom had to go into the office. It was going well and I didn’t want to blow it, so I pretended the conversation they had yesterday never happened. I went out and tended the garden alone and kept peering into the trees for a glimpse of my mysterious friend. If she was out there, she was definitely good at hiding. I .tried to concentrate on reading the stupid gardening book, but was restless. I couldn’t get comfortable it seemed. Dad noticed, “Maybe you should go out and stretch your legs a little. A walk might help, take the book with you. I can pack you a small snack and you could hang out in your fort.” I stood up and stretched, “That sounds like a good idea. I could probably use some exercise. I am pretty lazy it seems.” Then gave what I hoped was a little chuckle of amusement. I got my backpack off the hook in the hall and slid the book into it. I followed dad into the kitchen, he put some grapes, those fish crackers and a bottle of tea in. I could have done it, but knew he was looking for something out of the ordinary. Satisfied, he helped me put it over my shoulders. “When do you want me back? I found my watch in my nightstand, I forgot I even owned one.” And giggled again. “Just be home in a couple hours, in time to wash up before dinner.” He said back. “OK, can do,” I said and gave him a double thumbs up. All the while telling myself to not overdo it. I knew he didn’t like being left home alone with me, made me feel like a monster of some sort. I tried not to laugh at the thought of ‘It came from the garden’. I had a vision of me rising out of the dirt with root tentacles grabbing everything that moved. It might make a good movie plot. I made my way out of the house and into the backyard, where I made my escape into the quiet of the trees. As soon as I was out of sight of the house, like magic, Gabby popped up next to me. “Damn it! You have to stop doing that,” I told her, “It freaks me out.” .”Aaaw, you always say that.” she retorted as she skipped around me. We walked to the tree my little hide away was in and she kept going towards the wall that went around the house. I knew she wanted to retrieve the book and followed her to the hiding spot. She got the book out and replaced the stone. We were on our way back to the tree when we heard a noise. I looked over in horror that we might be caught together and she was already gone. It was my dad, checking up on me of course. “I thought I’d get a little exercise with you,” He told me, “I’m getting pudgy around the middle. You must get your laziness from me,” He smiled a genuine smile. “How about a couple laps around the yard with the old man?” “Sure thing dad, wouldn’t want us turning into a couple of fat lumps on the couch for mom to roll around.” I said back. We walked around the back and back towards the house. When we got by the house, he stopped and said, “That’s it for me, got to use the bathroom.” He left me and went back into the house. He must’ve been satisfied that I wasn’t up to anything. I slowly walked back to the tree and climbed up. Gabby was sitting on the sofa with the book in her lap. “I don’t want to read any more of that horrible stuff.” I said sternly. “But you haven’t got to the good part yet, or you would have told me. Let me show you something and then you can decide on whether you want to stop or not.” she said as she patted the sofa next to her. I sat down beside her and gave her the you win look. She turned the pages until she was almost a third of the way through it. “It goes into more detail here, and starts naming the subjects.” She opened it to a page and handed it to me, “Read the names of the test subjects here and then we’ll look at what the testing was.” I took the book and scanned the page. Near the bottom was a name I recognized, Frank Bardock, my great grandfather. I looked at Gabby with my eyes so wide, I thought they were going to fall out of the sockets. “Th-that’s my great grandpa.” I said in shock. She pointed to another name on the list “That’s my great grandpa there, Jacob Johnson.” I looked at her again, “So our families know each other? She nodded and turned the page.

March 10, 1947

Investigation into Mind Altering States

Volunteers number 27, named on the previous page.

Each subject was given a different dosage of a hallucinogen to investigate the changes to each subject’s mental capacity. Those who were given a smaller dose showed signs of happy delusions, seeing persons who were not present. They could coherently answer questions when asked. They could recall past events and conversations with ease. These were the first 10 subjects investigated. The next 5 subjects we tested were allowed to witness the happening of the first test. These were given a placebo instead of the hallucinogen. 2 of the 5 subjects showed signs of being as affected as the first test subjects. The other 3 were sent back to their barracks and their testing was finished. The next 6 subjects were given a higher dosage and separated into individual rooms for observation. In the span of an hour, they went from complacent to violent. They threw chairs across the room and pounded on the walls. 1 subject hid under the small table in the room and screamed that he was being eaten alive by worms. He begged to be saved from this. We decided he would be a returning subject. Another subject slammed his own head into the walls of his room until he had rendered himself unconscious. He would be released from duty. His injuries to himself made it impossible for him to return to his normal duties. These results were fascinating and would be repeated at a later date. The last 6 subjects were given a variant of the drug and kept in the same room, so we could observe how they interacted with one another. Only 2 of the subjects remained calm and separated themselves from the rest of the subjects. This was an interesting occurrence as the drug was supposed to induce a state of anger. This would help on the front lines in battle. A soldier who feared nothing and was driven by a rage to kill the enemy without remorse. As predicted, the remaining 4 attacked one another. They foamed at the mouth, eyes wide and unfocused as they pummeled one another. Of those 4 only 3 survived. Like a pack of wild dogs, they sought out the weakest amongst them and quickly took him down. The state of the subject's body will prove hard to give his family a cause of death. It was decided that we would burn the body beyond recognition and claim he rolled an army vehicle and it had caught on fire,killing him. The 2 subjects that remained calm were observed for hours as they sat and spoke to each other as calmly as if they were having a Sunday lunch together. We will definitely keep these subjects for more testing.

I looked at Gabby again, “The two who remained calm were our great grandfathers, weren’t they?” “Yep, I guess they remained friends throughout the testing. And then moved to separate bases.” I had no idea that my family had been a part of such tests. My mother and grandmother had never spoken of this. Of course, even if they had, I wouldn’t have remembered. She took the book from me and turned a few more pages into the book. “Here is the next batch of testing they were a part of. All for the safety of the masses you know.” She handed it back to me and pointed out our great grandfather's names on the subject roster.

August 15, 1947

Investigation of second round of hallucinogens

32 subjects in this round of testing. Subject names on previous page

Subjects were divided into 4 groups of 8

Group One:

4 of the subjects were given a new hallucinogenic compound and remaining 4 were given a placebo. 7 of the 8 subjects showed signs of the compound working. Proving the mass effect status. As before, they showed signs of seeing objects that were not present, only this group appeared to also hear voices of people who were not present. One subject in particular stood at attention and was recorded repeating ‘Sir, yes sir’. He then went on to perform exercises as if he were in basic training. It was as if his drill Sergeant was standing in front of him, barking orders. A positive sign that he would follow orders in an altered state. Another subject had a conversation with his mother who had passed on years earlier. The other subjects showing signs of altered states, once again became violent towards one another. The 3 given placebo instead of the compound showed signs of aggression until they became injured. They came back to their senses and pounded on the door to be let out. MPs escorted them out of the room along with the one subject who showed no signs of the compound.

Group Two

Once again, 4 of the subjects were given a higher dose of the compound and the other 4 a placebo. As before with the higher dosage, They became agitated and snarled at each other as if they were beasts. Reminding us of Alpha males of primates. 3 of the 4 given placebo showed no signs of this aggression and were removed from the testing room. The remaining subjects howled gibberish at each other and circled one another as if looking for weaknesses. Once again, they attacked the weakest of the group. We got him out of the room before he could be killed as before. The other 3 were restrained and taken to the ward until the effects of the drug could wear off. 1 subject never regained his sanity and shall be institutionalized until such time as he can rejoin society.

Group Three

2 of the subjects were from the previous testing. An even higher dose of the compound was given to 6 of the 8 subjects. The 2 given placebo showed no signs of an altered state and were removed and sent back to duty. The remaining 6 were instructed to perform various tasks. They were ordered to stand at attention, all 6 stood straight and tall. They were then instructed to run in place and again all responded to the orders. When told to stand at attention once more 5 obeyed the order and the 6th kept running in place. The next order was to sit at individual desks to complete a written exam. The 5 sat down and started to furiously write on the papers before them. The other subject continued running in place. Each subject was given a different set of questions to answer. We observed that the 2 previous test subjects sat next to each other. Of the remaining 5, 3 sat quietly and answered the questions as instructed. 1 slowly tore his papers into strips and ate them one at a time. The other 1 stared into nothingness and spittle ran down his chin. The other continued running in place and was showing signs of becoming tired. His clothes were becoming wet with sweat and it was running down his face. The sweat must have stung his eyes because he kept squinting and wiping them with the back of his arm. Once again they were told to stand at attention. The previous subjects stood up from their seats and did as they were instructed. The others continued as if they had not heard the instructions we had given. All the while the one subject remained running in place, showing signs of exhaustion. We called him by name and ordered him to stand down. He did not obey orders and continued his running. We called at ease at the subjects, 5 subjects obeyed. Our 2 previous subjects sat in the corner and spoke to each other as if nothing was going on around them. It was decided at once that we would continue testing these subjects. The one subject ran in place still and we could see signs of stress as he did so. Once more he was ordered to stand down. At the sound of his name being called, he stopped running and looked around as if he did not know where he was. The subject sitting and staring kept doing that, though we called his name multiple times, telling him to stand down. The remaining three were looking around as if frightened and huddled together like children. The subject who had been running in place began sniffing the air and started walking towards the huddled subjects. They saw him approaching and started crying and clinging to each other. Covered in sweat and howling at this point, the subject attacked the three. They showed no signs of defending themselves and allowed themselves to be beaten and bit repeatedly. The previous subjects showed no signs that they were aware of the commotion next to them and continued speaking to one another. The subject continued sitting at the desk as he drooled profusely, also showing no signs that he was aware of what was happening around him. The running subject drug one of the others away from the huddled group. He began to beat him about the head and chest, still howling. Before we could get the MPs in to stop him, he knelt down and tore the other subject's throat out with his teeth. The previous subjects still showed no sign of being aware of these events. Speaking calmly to each other. If only we had placed microphones in the room to record this conversation. All were removed and taken to the ward until such time as they could return to duty. The subject that showed the most violence, killing one of his companions, became normal again and has no memory of the investigation. We will keep him under close observation for future reports. The 2 previous test subjects yet again returned to a normal state and were returned to their barracks. Subject who continued to stare into nothingness and remained so. He shall be institutionalized for the remainder of his life it seems at this point. The remaining 2 were convinced that they had been training dogs and were attacked. They believe what we have told them. It is theorized that it is easier for them to believe than what had actually happened. We shall keep them under observation.

Once more, Gabby took the book from me and closed it. “That’s enough for today. We’ll continue when you have processed this information. I don’t want to give you nightmares like last time.” “Last time?” I stammered, “I’ve read this before?” She smoothed the hair out of my face, “We stole this from your mom's safe in her office a year before last.” I was stunned, I had no idea I was capable of doing something of this nature. I let what I had just read sink in a bit, I come from a human guinea pig. I didn’t know how to comprehend this thought. It was as if I was reading one of the sci=fi books off my shelf. All this time I had kept this secret from myself. Or had the army made me forget? The pain was coming back and I could feel familiar anger coming over me. Gabby must have noticed, “Headache?” I nodded, “Mhmm”. She produced a pill from her pocket, it was one of my migraine meds. “Don’t worry, it’s not from your bottle in the house. I swiped a bottle one of the last times you were in the ward.” She handed it to me and I swallowed it down with my bottle of tea. “Your mom threw out your old meds so you wouldn’t notice them and ask questions. You’ve been taking these for years now. The other ones you have are new. They keep trying different meds to make you not so….”, She paused, “So you. They want you well behaved.” She moved out of the way and let me lay down. Sitting on the floor, she rubbed my temples, it felt so soothing. She sang an old nursery rhyme that I seemed to remember from my childhood. It was so relaxing and rhythmic that I didn’t even realize I was falling asleep until my mom woke me up. “Gen? Is everything ok?” She questioned me. I looked around and Gabby was gone. Of course she was, she wouldn’t stick around to be caught. She had placed my gardening book on my chest as if I had fallen asleep while reading, perfect cover. I looked up at my mother “I must have fallen asleep. Guess gardening books aren’t as exciting as I thought.” I joked with her. “Come on, it’s time for dinner. You need to wash up and eat.” I climbed down after her and we went back to the house. After dinner I helped dad load the dishwasher. “Are you feeling up to watching the game tonight? Maybe some popcorn or another cone?” He inquired. He didn’t look as if he really wanted to, which made me want to watch the game even more. “Yeah, that would be great,” I said eagerly. I didn’t really like the game, but spending time with my parents was the best cover of all. I couldn’t possibly be up to anything if I was in their sight. We threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and it occurred to me that I was never allowed to cook anything. They probably thought I’d burn the house down or something. The microwave dinged that it was finished and dad took the bag out. “Careful, it’s hot. How about grabbing the old man a beer from the fridge and a soda for yourself.” I skipped over and took a beer out. “This kind or one of the others?” I asked. “That one is fine.” he said as he came up beside me. I handed him the beer and grabbed a soda for myself. The game went into extra innings and my dad's team lost. He threw a slipper at the televisions and declared, “Bums, the whole team is bums this year. Damn steroids are ruining the game.” Mom came in with a worried look on her face, “Everything ok in here?” Dad looked a little sheepish at her, “The bums lost again. I need to get a better team to root for.” I smiled,”Yeah dad, a better team of bums.” Both my parents laughed at that. I was relieved that we were getting along for once. “Time for bed, little rose bud, you need your sleep so you can bloom again in the morning.” She told me. I took our empty cans into the kitchen and put them in the recycling bin by the garage door. I took my meds and gladly went to bed. It was a long day, even though I had a nap.