The Queen's Not So Finest

The river ran backwards on the day the Queen vanished. That had been several days ago now, and the mighty waters of the Serpents River still ran backwards up into the Silver Peaks where they originated from. A cool breeze greeted the land this day, signifying the end of an exceptionally hot summer and bringing some relief to the heavily clad knights that had been running around frantically, searching for any sign of Queen Arcenia. On top of the tragedy of their missing leader the King had rode out the day of her disappearance with the better half of the knights, leaving control of the city to a handful of drunken guards and men barley able to follow the simplest of orders.

Sir Kole was not dumb in a conventional sense, he had a creative mind that clashed with the required discipline of one of the Queens royal guard. He had barely made it into the ranks and was surprised as any when he had been offered such a prestigious position. What came naturally to him was martial disciplines along with his odd set of problem-solving skills that were rarely useful in a guard position. Kole had bested nearly every other Knight in town with a sword, a spear, and even competed with the rangers and their incredible bow skills.

He now leaned on a long spear with one foot crossed over the other as he looked down upon the shiny black dog in front of him that was having the time of its life rummaging through a pile of kitchen waste from the morning meal. Jeralt had told him to follow the Queens dog, as no doubt it would seek out its master in this trying time, before he had turned on a heel and made his way into the tavern, coincidently named the Black Dog. That had been two days ago, Jeralt had not yet left the drinking establishment, and the dog had not paused in its mission to pick through every pile of scraps in the city, pausing only to lay down in the sun and sleep off a few questionable meals.

“Pear, would you please start taking this seriously?” Kole questioned, “The queen is missing, and we must find her”.

Pear turned and looked up at the knight for a moment, smacking its jaws together as it chewed up a hunk of old brown apple before returning to the pile of old fruits and vegetables. The white around the dog’s muzzle was stained with a palette of different colors from shoving its snout around in the dirty alley ways, its white paws taking on a dusty brown color. Kole sighed as he leaned more of his weight onto the long spear and began going through his options in his mind, he surely could not leave Pear to wander the streets alone, Arcenia would be devastated if he were to be missing when she returned. He could coax the animal in another direction possibly, but what way would that be, she could be anywhere.

A thought arose as he stood in the dirty alley, deep in thought and a little hungry himself, Pear was obviously just hungry. The dog would never be able to focus on tracking down the Queen on an empty stomach, it made the brain foggy and sapped the strength from anyone, this old garbage just was not filling Pears belly up completely.

“Boy, why don’t we go back to the castle and get you a proper meal?” Kole yet again questioned the dog.

Pear’s head shot up and his tail wagged frantically at the sound of a meal as he gazed up at the knight for a moment before trotting past him in the direction of his home. Kole smirked as he made to follow the dog and rouse a chef who he figured would no doubt be delighted to help them on their mission, Kole’s chest swelled with pride from this small victory as he quickened his pace.

“You want me to prepare a whole meal for that disobedient welp of a dog?” the chef questioned, following up with a deep laugh.

Kole’s fist connected with the jaw of the tall burley chef a moment later, sending him toppling over, knocking a mountain of clean dished onto the floor with him and startling the half a dozen other men and women in the kitchen. Glances of surprise and worry shot back and forth between the kitchen crew, confused by the event, but obviously intrigued by what would come next.

“You will not speak ill of Pear! He is royalty!” Kole shouted down at the chef, who now looked up to the Knight in shock.

“Yes sir” the chef stated in an annoyed tone as he pulled himself up, “what will he be having on this fine morning?"

“I reckon half a dozen eggs and some fresh berries should tide him over until lunch” Kole responded in a precise tone, generating a scowl from that chef who turned and began grumbling to himself as he pulled a pan out and began re-igniting the stove he had just put out.

A large plate was set down in front of Pear half an hour later, the eggs piled high with two handfuls of blueberries and raspberries to the side. He quickly began scarfing down the food as if he had been starving the last few days, wagging his skinny tail as he did so. The knight looked down as he did so, nearly bursting with anticipation at the thought of him and the dog venturing out after the Queen now that he had a solid meal in him. Quite the opposite happened as Pear slurped down the last of the berries and began licking the plate clean. He took several steps over to Kole looking up at him one last time before his eyes began to glow.

The knight looked down as his confusion turned to horror, the dog’s entire body began to become enveloped in a bright blue magic light that lit up the kitchen as if one of the stoves had been consumed by a grease fire. A moment later there was a bright white flash that blinded everyone for a moment, Kole raising a hand to shield himself as a hot burst of air washed over him and a crack of thunder rattled every pot, pan, and plate in the room. Once the light receded and they were able to open their eyes, they saw only a cleaned off plate next to a black smudge burnt into the tile of the floor.

“Where did those eggs come from!” Kole shouted at the chef.

“You actually think the eggs did that, don’t you?” the chef questioned, rubbing a hand across his face as he did so.

“Tell me now before I have you strung up for witchcraft!” the knight continued shouting.

“McGee’s farm” the chef said before turning and walking away, obviously fed up with how ridiculous the situation had become.

Sir Kole sprinted down the street, his heavy armor clunking and rattling as he did so. He shouted at the peasants to move out of his way, scaring them, but at the same time giving them some hope that he may have found a lead on their missing queen. His spear tip caught on a cart as he rounded a corner causing him to topple over and clatter down onto the cobble stones that made up the road the Black Dog sat upon.

He pulled himself up as quickly as he could, ignoring the laughs from the commoners that witnessed it happen. A young girl threw an overly ripe pear at him that exploded against his shoulder, and while the irony did not go unnoticed, he had no time to waste even just to scold her. He burst through the entrance of the tavern moments later, breathing heavily with sweat running down his face.

“Jeralt!” he shouted, “Pear has been taken by the eggs, we must march upon McGee’s chicken farm at once”.

Jeralt stirred in the corner of the establishment, his head laid down upon a heavy wooden table covered in empty mugs, worn out cards, and a few handfuls of coins. There was a slow creak as he shifted on the stool that supported him and he began to push his body upright to find out who had woken him from his drunken slumber. As his body came up and his eyes leveled with Kole the chair gave another loud groan, followed by a crunch as it gave up under two days of constant abuse from the heavy man as Jeralt crashed to the floor and flopped around like a fish on a riverbank.

“Have you lost your mind?” Jeralt slurred as he steadied himself on the table he fell from, “McGee is mean”.

“It must be done” Kole stated, calming himself, “Pear is gone, taken by a blinding light after eating the eggs”.

“Witchcraft” Jeralt slurred in a low tone, “boys, arrest the kitchen staff, Kole we must pay the egg witch a visit”.

“I believe he would be an egg warlock” one of Jeralt’s men stated.

“Good work Edd, we can’t be too careful” Jeralt answered, stumbling over to Kole, “let us ride”

The king had taken all the horses on his quest to find the queen and the knights were in no shape to walk the countryside to the chicken farmer. Kole had an idea though, the river ran backwards, McGee’s farm was up the river where they normally took shipments by boat. The chicken farmer now had to take eggs and chickens to the city by horse and cart, unable to use the river the knights would now be able to sail up it to the farm and confront the warlock.

Jeralt had gathered his finest knights, sending a group to arrest the kitchen staff while another group would come with them up the river. Many towns folk had offered to assist them as McGee had quickly been demonized as a user of the dark arts and a thief of the Queens dog, but they were turned away as this was official business to be carried out but the authorities. Unfortunately, a cleric would have to be taken with to bless them and cast a spell of binding if McGee did in fact have dark powers supporting him.

“You think he’s a wizard because Pear disappeared after eating some eggs?” Iris questioned the two knights.

“A warlock, but yes” Kole answered.

“Don’t you think it could just be a coincidence?” Iris pushed on.

“No, that egg farmer has Pear, and we must free him to find the queen” He responded.

Iris shrugged before stepping onto the shoddy vessel that was going to take them up the river to what she imagined would be a simple farmer. Surely there was no way that a magic spell that stole the dog away could be contained in a plate full of cooked eggs, but it was her duty to help investigate this happening no matter how obscene it sounded.

Ropes were untied and the twenty foot vessel they were on was shoved off into the cold dark waters of the Serpent pulling them out deeper for a moment before they began moving quite fast up the river. It would take an hour or so to reach McGee and confront him, in the meantime they began their typical small talk as Jeralt pulled a bottle of wine out of a satchel and passed it around, he had still not sobered up from the night before and nearly fell backwards into the river more than once already, a death sentence for a drunk in heavy plate armor.

“I’m coming Pear” Kole whispered to himself with pure conviction.