The Apple (iPad) of Discord

It was intended to be a day of glorious celebration on Mount Pelion as the great hero and king of Phthia, Peleus, was to wed the beautiful Goddess, Thetis. Many of the Gods and Goddesses were in attendance to watch the beautiful union of Peleus and Thetis, many mortals were also in attendance, which made this event even more unique and special. The wedding was perfect and went off without a hitch... but the reception brought an unexpected... issue... that no one expected. Thetis had purposely disinvited the Eris, the Goddess of Discord. This was because Thetis never forgave Eris for turning her first love into a fish after a disagreement many moons ago.

Eris was livid when she received the request NOT to attend the wedding of Peleus and Thetis, despite all the other Gods and Goddesses being welcome to attend... and mere mortals.

"How DARE Thetis leave me out of her wedding celebration... even inviting filthy, brainless mortals to attend while leaving me out!! She acts as though I'm the only immortal to have pissed her off over the centuries! She even invited Aphrodite... the whore who hooked up with Peleus the night after he met Thetis!! How DARE she forgive that wretch and still hold a grudge against me for saving her from a pitiful choice in men during her younger years!"

Eris screamed angrily as she began to throw furniture around her room, shattering vases and mirrors at the snap of her fingers as her rage grew. Then she was struck with a brilliant plot to get her revenge as she snapped her fingers and a seductive black gown appeared in place of her previous outfit. She snapped her fingers again and instantly appeared at the reception. Thetis saw her and instantly became furious, her lips pursed together with frustration as her eyebrows narrowed with her eyes. She glared at Eris, if looks could kill, this would have been the one to do it!

Eris beamed delightfully as she could see how pissed off Thetis was at her unexpected appearance at the reception. It was the cherry on top off the devious plot she was about to unleash at the celebration. She relished the fact that Thetis was visibly upset, and it was only going to get worse. Eris casually walked over to the table that several of the other Goddesses were sitting and chatting at. They didn't notice her as they continued their chit chat, Eris fumed internally as she crinkled her nose and her lips quivered as she kept them sealed tightly rather than saying anything to them. She took a deep breath then the look of fury left her face as a evil smirk appeared.

Eris reached into her purse and pulled out a flawless, golden Apple iPad 11, a brand new model not released publicly yet. With a wave of her finger an etching appeared across the top of it...

"To the wisest of all"

She casually placed it on the table the Goddesses were chatting at, and then she walked away, moving across the venue as she smiled while watching and waiting for the chaos to begin. It did not take long for the golden glimmer of the iPad to catch the eye of the Goddesses.

"Ohhhhhh! This Apple iPad is beautiful! Gen 11!! I wonder who this... hmmm 'To the wisest of all'... Ah! That is me, this must be a gift for me!!"

The Goddess Athena exclaimed as she eagerly reached to grab the golden Apple iPad from the table.

"Hold up, not so fast Athena! If that is for 'the wisest of all' then it clearly is meant for me, after all, everyone knows that I am the wisest out of us all."

The Goddess Hera stated firmly as she grabbed the golden Apple iPad from Athena's hands.

"You are both WRONG! I am the wise one here! That belongs to me!"

The Goddess Aphrodite shouted as she aggressively yanked the golden Apple iPad from Hera's hands.

The fight over the golden Apple iPad had begun. The three Goddesses all were holding onto the shiny, glimmering device as they each tried to take it from the other two. They were shouting at one another, calling each other names, and even exchanged some slaps and hair pulls while keeping a grip on the golden Apple iPad. Peleus and Thetis heard the commotion coming from the table of the Goddesses and rushed over to find out what was going on.

"HEY! What the hell is going on here?? You all are RUINING our reception!!"

Thetis shouted angrily at the other Goddesses as she scowled at them demanding answers for their behavior.

"These blasted idjits are trying to lay claim to MY golden Apple iPad!! That's what's going on!"

Athena shouted as she tugged on the golden Apple iPad, trying to get it from Hera and Aphrodite's hands.

"OH PLEASE! As if ANYONE could believe YOU are the wisest one here, you are just the prudest!"

Hera screeched back with rage in her voice as she tightened her grip on the golden Apple iPad and tried to pull it away from the other two Goddesses.

"You are both freaking DELUSIONAL if you think that either of you are more intelligent than me!! Now get your unworthy hands OFF of MY perfect, golden Apple iPad!!"

Aphrodite blasted back as she yanked on the device aggressively, trying to get it for herself.

"SHUT UP!!! You are all acting like spoiled children!! WHO brought this stupid device with them to MY wedding anyways??? Which of you brought this here??"

Thetis exclaimed with frustration as she tried to get in the middle of the Goddesses to separate them from the golden Apple iPad.

"None of us brought it. We were chatting and then it just appeared on the table. BUT I SAW IT FIRST! So clearly it is MINE!!"

Athena firmly stated as she smirked while looking at the others, still keeping a grip on the golden Apple iPad.

"Wait... so NONE of you actually know WHERE this stupid thing came from? Yet you are ALL fighting over it??"

Thetis said with irritation growing in her voice as she looked over at Eris, because she knew that Eris was behind this chaos.

"Well... no but that doesn't matter! It says "To the wisest of all" so clearly that is ME!"

Athena again argued while still trying to pull the device free from Aphrodite and Hera's grip.

"Look, I will NOT have this bullshit at my reception! Take this stupid thing to Zeus and let him determine who it rightfully belongs to!"

Thetis demanded as she pointed towards the reception exit.

Athena, Hera and Aphrodite scowled at one another then nodded at Thetis as they snapped their fingers and were whisked away to the hall of Zeus. The three of them still keeping a hold onto the golden Apple iPad, as they clumsily tripped their way over each other until they reached Zeus. They explained to him their disagreement and showed him the golden Apple iPad that they were fighting over. They then asked him to determine which of them was truly the wisest, and therefore the rightful owner of the device.

"Oh hell no! You are NOT pulling me in the middle of this mess! NOPE!! I am not that stupid to get involved in the middle of this shit! Look... I'll tell you what... I decree that there is only ONE person whom can determine the wisest out of the three of you... and that person is the mortal Prince of the Trojans, Paris. Go bring this to him, and he will determine which of you wins the prize."

The God Zeus exclaimed as he shook his head over the ridiculousness of the whole situation, while at the same time breathing a sigh of relief that he was able to pass the buck to someone else to handle.

The three Goddesses fumed at this indecision from Zeus, but they reluctantly agreed to go see this human known as Paris. They snapped their fingers and appeared in front of Paris and explained to him the situation and decision that he was tasked with. Each Goddess masked her appearance to try to emphasis how intelligent she was. Athena wore a pair of glasses and had a pen behind her ear; Aphrodite wore her hair up in a classy bun and had a book titled "Finnegans Wake" in her free hand; and Hera wore a very dapper black suit with a ruby red power tie.

"Alas, I cannot determine who out of the three of you is the wisest! You all appear to be equally wise, and I don't feel that I have the intelligence myself to make this judgement of you three Goddesses!"

Paris exclaimed with desperation in his voice as he feared the wrath that would come to him if he were to choose one of the three Goddesses in front of him.

"Ahhhh... Prince Paris, the fair and true! I can respect your difficulty in deciding, but this decision is yours to make as it was decreed by Zeus, God of all. I understand your hesitation might be warranted out of fear of retaliation from the two losers... perhaps this will make your decision easier..."

Athena began as she smirked at Hera and Aphrodite mischievously before she continued...

"If you pick me, the only right choice out of the three of us after all, then I will give you ultimate fame and make you desirable to all. Your name will be spoken across the lands, near and far, to the reaches of all civilizations. Men will envy you, and desire to be like you. Women will long to have your favor. What do you say, Prince Paris, are you ready to rightfully crown me as the wisest of all?"

Athena finished as she gleamed with pride over her ingenious plan to get Paris to choose her, feeling confident that he could not turn down her bribe.

"Woah, not so fast there Miss 'I can't win shit unless I bride the judge'! If we're now offering up prizes to the remarkable Prince Paris to help sweeten the pot and make the decision... clearer... for him to make... then I have an offer he can't resist!"

Hera began to say before Paris could respond to Athena's very tempting offer...

"Dearest Paris, if you choose me, because it is very clear that I am truly the wisest here, then I will give you absolute political power! Think about it young Prince, you would have all the control in the lands! Any land you want would be yours, you would be making the laws and deciding the consequence for those who opposed you. Clearly it is a much better offer than fame! Fame doesn't get you control of land!"

Hera continued as she smirked boldly while looking at Athena with a "HA! I won!" look on her face while awaiting Paris' response.

"Okay, you both SUCK at this! I feel obligated to apologize to you, Prince Paris, for having to listen to this piss poor 'bribes' by these two dumbalinas here. Look, it's obvious after hearing their... offers... that neither of them are worthy of the title "Wisest of them all"... so look, pick me, obviously the only one here with a brain, and I will give you the most beautiful and wise mortal woman in the world as your bride! BOOM! Mic drop bitches! That's how it's done!"

Aphrodite bragged as she looked at Hera and Athena with a self-assured smile and then winked at Paris.

Paris stood in silence for a few moments contemplating the three tempting offers he had received from each of the Goddesses. Ultimately, the decision was not at all based on intellect, for him it was now about what was in it for him. The Goddesses gave him the golden Apple iPad and asked him to make his choice and bestow upon the worthy Goddess the prize. After a few moments, Paris made his decision.

"This has truly been a difficult choice to make, each of you are overflowing with wisdom. But one has indeed stood out by making an offer that truly shows they are wise enough to know what I truly seek... Therefore, the golden Apple iPad belongs to the Goddess Aphrodite!"

Paris spoke as he handed the golden Apple iPad Gen 11 to her; in return, she snapped her fingers and the beautiful, intelligent mortal woman, Helen of Sparta, appeared before him as his prize. Hera and Athena looked on with fury brewing in their blood as they both decried the decision as unfair and then snapped their fingers, disappearing back to their quarters to pout. Aphrodite cheered and applauded herself, celebrating how wise she was and hugging the golden Apple iPad against her chest as she thanked Paris for making the right choice. Before taking her leave, she wished the Prince and Helen a blessed union, then with a snap of her fingers she was gone from their sight.

That is how the golden Apple iPad of Discord became etched into history, ultimately it all came down to the prize offered to Paris, not the intellect of the Goddesses. As for Prince Paris and Helen... well their union was not exactly what would be called 'happily ever after', but that's a whole other story to tell... one that took ten long and painful years to reach a conclusion! The moral of the story - never disinvite the Goddess of Discord, Eris, to a celebration!

© 2024 Luna Verity