Taking Inventory

He was the night watchman at the inflatable woman factory. He was designated employee #26, that shift's assignment.

Having never had relationships with women, his only familiarity with the fairer sex was via the polyvinyl woman du jour he chose to "inspect" after midnight each shift.

Tonight, he had something special planned for Suzy Sucklip®. Borrelia Fleshpot® and Yolanda Inyuenda® would be so jealous!

He teased them.

Midnight struck and he made his rounds on the inventory. On the way back, he threw Suzy Sucklip® over his shoulder. He sprinted down the stairs to his desk. He put his lips to her oral inflation valve and blew until breathless. He sat her on his lap.

Tonight they were playing "Ask the boss for a raise."

"Hello," Suzy said seductively.

"Well, hello yersef! Why, you're light as a feather," he told her.

"Oh, thanks, I'm glad you think so."

"What can I do for you?" he asked her.

"Mmmm..." she cooed. "I think it's what can we do for each other."

"How so?"

"Well..." she said breathily, "you can give me that raise you've been promising."

"And? For me?"

"I suppose that depends how big a raise."

"I think I'm giving you that raise right now, a huge one."

"Oh, sir! You do get to the point!"

He unbuckled his pants. "Yes," he said, panting. "I must make my point."

"Oh, sir!" she repeated, looking up. She shot her friends a wink while he was oblivious to anything else but the point he was making.

Borrelia Fleshpot® and Yolanda Inyuenda® crept up behind him and quickly dragged a plastic wrapper bag over his head. Suzy joined in, sporting an evil grin.

He began struggling and flailed about, until he finally dropped limp, some parts more slowly than others.

"Looks like you missed the inspection," said Borrelia Fleshpot®, who held up her heel to show, in small print, "Proudly inspected by #26."

"Me, too," said Yolanda Inyuenda®.

The next morning, employee #1, the morning shift, saw his dead colleague, assuming the most likely explanation: "Sexual Asphyxiophilia." The coroner agreed, adding, "Again?"

"Well," #1 said to the inventory, "we're gonna have to hire #27 for you girls before tonight."