Humor

The Dread Pirate Redbeard
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Then again, the shackled captain thought, as he scanned the room, people’s last thoughts were seldom heard. The courtroom stood bare. Walls the cold grey steel only found in Federalé ships. If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? The judge was a brick of a man. The jury, not a single one would he call a peer. If the airlock I be damned, the airlock I be damned.
By Christopher Beesley 3 years ago in Fiction
The Samhain Chronicles: Ch. 10
Danny's palms began to sweat as he stood before the mystery woman, his eyes darting back and forth between her and Penelope struggling in her grip. "I don't know who you are," Penelope grunted, "and I don't care! Daniel is not going with you, and that's-" Her eyes widened as she trailed off abruptly with a choking gasp. The woman's arm had pressed tighter to her throat, cutting off her defiant chirps.
By Natalie Gray3 years ago in Fiction
I'd Rather Die
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. I certainly hope they're wrong. "Help! Somebody, help me!" Oh God. Am I going to die out here?
By Nicholas W Fuller3 years ago in Fiction
The Naked Spacewalk
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. That’s because without atmospheric pressure you have about 10 seconds before you begin to ebullism. The water in your blood and soft tissues begin to vaporize, the surfaces of your tongue and eyelids begin to boil and at 30 seconds you’re a human bloater. Your organs have all swollen to twice their normal size and begun to burst but your skin is just elastic enough to hold everything together nicely. In fact, screaming may be about the best thing you could do assuming your final breath hadn’t already ruptured your lungs on the way out from desperately holding it in.
By Shilder3 years ago in Fiction
Celestial Penance
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. They are wrong, for I can hear them. They echo across the eternal expanse, filling the void. They transcend space and time, juxtaposed with the abyssal magnitude of my mind--but I gave up screaming millennia ago, or so it feels. Floating, weightless, the speck of earth no longer visible. Has anyone traveled further? Perhaps.
By Carl G. Lilley3 years ago in Fiction
Rent To Own
My first apartment was so small that if I spread out my arms - fingertips touching one wall of the living room - and then took two shuffling steps in the opposite direction, I could touch the other wall. The bathroom was a shoebox so tiny the sink couldn’t fit and was positioned right outside the bathroom door in the bedroom. Cramped, finicky, and with sketchy neighbors, it was the first place which was fully and truly all my own. I absolutely loved it.
By Sonnet Walters3 years ago in Fiction
⇣⇣⇣⇣⇣⇣⇣⇣⇣⇣
“Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say…” “Who said that?” Mark blurts, jumping out of unconsciousness.
By Sierra Ginae.3 years ago in Fiction
Happy Julymas
Hmmm !!! Does it look like fall or even winter to you yet? No, well of course not because it is still summer but some people insist on bugging us with images of Christmas materialism. Oh, don't be offended it gets better from here or funnier..... take your pick.
By Kia T Cooper-Erbst3 years ago in Fiction
Agency of the 5th World Head Mission 2: Igloo Supplies (Remix Version)
Previous Mission <Original Plotline by Jeremiah and Nic Ellison I do not own Club Penguin or Pokémon. Club Penguin is the property of Disney while Pokemon is the property of Nintendo, Gamefreak, and the Pokémon Company.>
By Jeremiah Ellison3 years ago in Fiction
We Are Tonight's Entertainment
The following is an early attempt of mine to write an absurdist comedy. It's a one-act play which I believe I started writing in the summer between graduating high school and starting college.
By Frank Macaluso3 years ago in Fiction
Who am I?
The query of who am I seems to be the only question you can actually solution. Yet, when I took the time to try to parent out Who am I, I discovered this question is the one that requires important wondering. In wellknown, the answer to this question is that I am a normal individual who loves spending quality time with the humans I respect. In addition, I dedicate myself to completing my duties, and I actually have a dream of becoming a awesome character. However, there are such a lot of other things that make me someone. I constantly try to use each opportunity to have greater unfastened time for my pursuits.
By Abhinav Pandey3 years ago in Fiction
The last.
"Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say." He pauses. "Or said I guess, since they are all dead and wrong."
By GERARDO CASTILLO3 years ago in Fiction